


Upon My Heart You Wrote a Scar

by atypicalActivator



Series: Alternia's Song (Voices of a Doomed Timeline) [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sgrub Session, Ancestors, Ashen Romance | Auspistice, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Crack Pairing, Doomed Timelines, F/F, F/M, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Gen, Illustrated, Karkat-killing sappyness, Linked to Songs, M/M, Multi, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Pesterlog, Post-Sburb/Sgrub, Scourge Sisters, Time Shenanigans
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-09-20
Updated: 2013-01-05
Packaged: 2017-11-14 09:20:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 35,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/513706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atypicalActivator/pseuds/atypicalActivator
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The original epic about adult trolls doing adult things while trying to come to terms with life in a sabotaged civilization.</p><p>Expect ranting leaders, annoyed mutants, sarcastic imperialists, bored armies, soda worship, sassy seadwellers, loads of backstabbing everybodies, conflicted revolutions, pissed-off psionic slaves, ancestors out the wazoo, douche highbloods, douche lowbloods, exploration of troll morality, dysfunctional relationships in all of the quadrants, adult romantic drama, horrorterrors, desperate suicidal sacrifices, death and those who laugh at it, fallen ideals, fallen armies, fallen planets, collapsing universes and collapsing empires, mysterious links to different timelines, blatant authorial self-inserts, a game of pool a paradox space away, subverted consciousnesses, and ultimately the death of six hundred and twelve trillion fantrolls living in a doomed existence.</p><p>All will come in time.</p><p>NOW PLAYING: Eridan Ampora has a dysfunctional relationship with his ex, SERIOUS ashen relationship is SERIOUS, and Feferi Pexies finds out that it's hard starting rebellions with a sense of morality. It's hard and nobody really understands.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Song of Birth and Destruction

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [One of Our Submarines](https://archiveofourown.org/works/341204) by [VastDerp](https://archiveofourown.org/users/VastDerp/pseuds/VastDerp). 
  * Inspired by [Filling Blanks and Taking Names](https://archiveofourown.org/works/338979) by [ashkatom](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashkatom/pseuds/ashkatom). 
  * Inspired by [The Serendipity Gospels](https://archiveofourown.org/works/335176) by [urbanAnchorite (t_ZM)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/t_ZM/pseuds/urbanAnchorite). 

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we get an insider's look to a horrorterror's m:nd and consequentially run kicking and screaming away from it.  
> This is NOT how the rest of the fic will be written, so don't get /too/ scared.  
> Ehehe.

[Temporary by Homestuck](http://homestuck.bandcamp.com/track/temporary)  
You die Once; you die a thousand times.  
You were born, Once; you lived a thousand lives.  
You were formed, Once; once you return to where you came from.  
You Sang, Once; you held your Song a thousand times.  
You had two daughters, Once; a thousand ways they left you.  
While they leave, you sing them the Song; they never came back, Once.  
A girl called you Mother, Once ~ still she left you a thousand times.  
A girl called you Lusus, once ~ yet never could you stay.  
For you lived only One life, made of thousands; so you die One death, a thousand times.  
You created this world, a thousand times; only Once did you let it live though your Song. And a thousand times you will have never Sung.  
A thousand times, you sang the Song of your Creation ~ the Song of your Death ~ and a thousand times your work withered away before its existence.  
Once, your Daughter came. And she alone enjoyed your Song, and joined into your Song of Ages, of Creation and Death. Ages pass while the universe is created by you.  
For you and your Daughter.  
Then she left you  
twice.  
She left you for the universe you made for her to sing before with you.  
She left you to make a universe with the words you gave her.  
She left you with one request: that you still your Voice for her. But a thousand sweeps is a moment, and a moment like a thousand sweeps again.  
And the song waits. The song is the Creation, and the Creation must listen.  
You could not wait on her when she could not wait on you.  
When your Daughter was about to leave; not once, but again; You sang as you died,  
You daughter came to you a thousand times; you loved her Once.  
To half your daughter you sang; to half your daughter you spoke.  
Once, she left you; a thousand times she did it again.  
She would only truly leave you Once.  
Into the Game; the game you despised.  
The Game you built.  
The Game you Play ~ but you Play not the Game, you Play with It.  
She left you.  
She left you into the game you Love.  
And the Game killed you, Once; your fall was seen a thousand times.  
And you Sang as you fell, Once; a thousand times.  
You kept your Song once and a thousand times.  
A once where you daughter never left you more than half; where the Game would never her steal; you do not Sing.  
For that once could not live as the Once. And so you could not Sing your Song of Death, because the Song of Creation was not Sung.  
For they are one and the same, the Song of Ages, the Once.  
You only ever Sang Once.  
Only Once you fell; a thousand times did you fall.  
But a Thousand times would you die; only Once did you live.  
A life that circles and twists, a life lived a thousand times, all at Once.  
Such is the nature of the Ring.  
And you are the Ring's singer.  
Once did you Sing, a thousand times could you not.  
But it was only ever Once for you.

  
  ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
[Lotus Land Story by Homestuck](http://homestuck.bandcamp.com/track/lotus-land-story)  


The huge body that floated up to the surface they rowed out to, even after their Empress told them not to. The huge white mass they died staring at. Although She told the world to keep the carcass untouched until She could look at it herself, the world itself thought otherwise. The rain fell, the wingbeasts flew, the wind roared while holding the sand of the desert. She arrived on the island, and stared into Her empty eye.  
She threw her trident into Her eye; It would not budge Her. An island was born there, on the back of the dead beast, an Other. They tried to cut Her open, to see if Her Blood would spill, blood as royally pink as Her Daughter. Even if they could, there would have been nothing more than a Vast Nothing that would swallow the seas and still demand for more.  
Two daughters Mourned that day ~ the two halves of the Mother's one Daughter; a Once out of Thousands.  
Every Daughter mourned when She died.  
Some mourned their universe.  
Some mourned their empire.  
Some mourned their world.  
Some mourned their life.  
They all mourned their Mother.  
This time, they mourned little but that. For that day, when Something should have happened; nothing did. The Song slowed to a still, for the Singer was no more. Every Daughter knew that. Since She did not Sing, the world was never born. Yet it never died. A once which would never Once happen. A splinter. A world where twenty four trolls lived without a birth. A world where the meteors which formed the universe never fell. A world without the Game.  
Doomed.  
But a universe of trillions takes a long time to kill off. There would be time enough for the halves of the Daughter to meet and collide without a Mother to keep them in line.  
How long would it take for it to be killed off then?

 

ED:T

OMG I GOT ARTZ.  Here's the link for it:

<http://flipspring.tumblr.com/post/33276684827/unpronounceable-name-anzkji-tihs-is-four-yew>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. Okay, I mangled the usage of the semicolon; it is so destroyed.  
> So what do you think about the inside of a Horrorterror's mind? In my opinion, they need to either stop reading William Strunk, or actually not repeat the same thing a thousand times and twist it more every time~!
> 
> Anyways.  
> I think the music goes great with this chapter, if you can read the first part slow enough so that it syncs.  
> BTW: if anyone wants to illustrate this, even (especially) if it's just little sketches, I WOULD BE SOOOOO HAPPY!


	2. Song of Birth and Destruction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about th:s ~ I accidentally overwrote this chaper with the last one. ::(  
> Hopefully I'll start getting readers aga:n~!

[Jade Mother by Homestuck](http://homestuck.bandcamp.com/track/jade-mother)

You are the jadeblood, and are so extremely tired. However, you must not act as such, since you are a Maryam, and they hold their heads high. Of course, that means positively nothing to you because (a), you are you are the first of your sign, and (b), you are in the middle of a vast desert, and the nearest structure is a mere dot on the horizon. So you don't worry who will see when you start to slouch as you plod through the sand. Did you mention that you are really tired? Taking a moment from your internal overthought monologue, you decide that you are going to take the name of the Dedtired. Alas, you are already named the Sunslyph, as you are the best troll for enduring the sun without expensive protective coating and a fifty gallon water tank.

And it is as the Sunslyph that you've been walking since the fifth hour of the day, woken up just after you attempted to retire to the respiteblock that you share with a group of other female jades. It's nearly the eighth hour now, and every part of your body is sore and sweaty. Seriously, why couldn't they have given you some kind of riding drone? Even a wimpy chrome would be so much preferable to the seemingly endless walk you are on now. Of course, it isn't endless, and you do (heaven forbid you might actually return) have a destination given to you. No problem that it's a massive, smoking crater left by some huge explosion. Honestly, you hope it's a rebel artillery shell. That way you'll die quickly.

The last time you were sent out to investigate something like this a few sweeps ago – dubiously weaponized sewing needles or not – you nearly lost your upper torso. Day terrors about it still plague you when the sleeping sopor is being rationed, forcing you to relive the encounter. The vast Nitroglyclops had instead blown off the back legs of your mount, and you absconded as it was eaten bloodly by the beast. That is the probable reason that you are weren't given one today. But you still wonder why they value the life of a dignified teensweep like you below a drone which the Mother lays hundreds of every day. You have to forcibly derail this train of thought before it pulls into Culling station.

So you keep walking mindlessly forward, thoughts only for how lovely a good cup of stimulant bean extract would be. You keep it up for about ten minutes while a rare thunderstorm starts up somewhere to your left. You keep walking as you think about what you are going to do if you get hit by the flooding that will surely follow. You keep walking until you start encountering fallout from the explosion. It luckily doesn't look like something natural, that much is sure. There's a incredibly bigger crater than what it appeared as from afar, the edge of which you are standing on. Blasted well through the sand and deep into rock, is a huge pit large enough to rival the size of some of the largest caverns.

Twisted fragments of glass instantly formed and slightly steaming rock lie all around the rim, while the inside is still blisteringly hot to the touch. The sun is approaching its zenith, and even for a troll like you, it's becoming rather unpleasant wait what are you saying nevermind it already was. So it's not without hesitation that you start skidding down the rock. You are used to heat, but by the time you reach the bottom of the crater, you skin is chafing where it touches your dress and you are perspiring heavily.

That makes it all the more astounding when you see the unmistakable silhouette of a little grub crawling through the steam. Some people might be grossed out, or even hostile to it, but you've spend your entire life since your tenth sweep dealing with these guys. That doesn't mean you aren't completely taken by surprise when you see it frolicking around on the lightly glowing rock that matches its larval skin.

It's a bright red that screams mutant at you, a color that is wrong, completely unallowable. You'd be doing the gene pool a favor by killing the creature, any less would mean culling for you and death for it. Him. It. No matter what beneficial mutation gives him the ability to crawl around on scorching ground, any color which forces the hemospectrum to do an acrobatic pirouette off the handle will die. You don't even know where to place it – he's got the build of a landweller, but the tiny, feathery flaps on his sides tell otherwise. Maybe he's an extraordinarily high seatroll, but the Condence would deny anyone's existance above her, bless her wonderful name for a thousand infinities, may it go and rot in a bucket for just as long.

You inch closer, trying to figure out where he came from and how on Alternia the little fellow got here. There are some of the tunnel exits quite far away from the main caverns, but nothing like this. And as for how he survived the brutal midday sun, as well as an explosion which threw shards halfway to the hiveblock and formed a fiery mushroom cloud with a blast that woke the whole east side, you have no idea. You consider thus as you stroll hesitantly to him.

When you pick him up, unsure of what course of action you will take with him, whatever heat resistance he was endowed with seems to vanish. His skin is visibly scorching between the sun and the ambient heat. He is burning in your arms, yet he doesn't scree at you.

Instead, he just looks at you.

He looks at you.

He looks at you and you can feel every wall, every calloused barrier, every cold layer of protection between you and another being fall the the ground and splinter in a scarlet wave of color. Those eyes which you've only seen a dozen times before, a few moments before they turned dull and foggy and lifeless, stare at you and you will never let that happen to them.

You clutch him to your chest and shield him from the rays as you scramble out of the pit. You can never go back and let this child be killed. You've never felt a pity quite like this, and that's saying something. There is an innate love you have for him that is so completely new, you have hardly any idea of what do do with it.

But you know you will never let anything harm this grubling.

They probably sent you off expecting your death. You could leave practically as you like, it's not like you would be leaving much at the caverns. So you set a path towards the forests, lush and untamed, with a boy you know is special in your arms. He sirs as the sun sets behind you, and you sing him a song you've heard somewhere before.


	3. OF CRABS AND CULLING

The wriggler's meteor wasn't the biggest of them all, so it had all but burned away when it landed already. There was no crater to speak of, just a hole where it punched into the through the roof of the uppermost caverns.

[Dupliblaze COMAGMA by Homestuck](http://homestuck.bandcamp.com/track/dupliblaze-comagma)

You wake up early, too early, to the low yet still blinding rays of the sun peeking through hastily-drawn black curtains. Turning over as you sink deeper into your slime, you quickly fall back to sleep. Whatever the universe decided to screw you over with today, you'll deal with it... later...

 

You wake up fully, completely refreshed and surprisingly non-annoyed with the world. Crawling out of your recuperacoon naked, you amble over to your wormdrobe, an old model, yet still usable, only to find it empty and squirming creakily. You stand there dripping slime for a while before it hits you. It's your wriggling day.

Ffffffffffffffffffffffffffff...

You tear open the curtains, oblivious to whoever may be watching. Sure enough, it's dark. And sure enough, you can just make out the all-too-quickly approaching specks of light along the road. Thanks to whatever deity made your wretched life, the nine sweeper's drones will be first visiting you on your very birthday. This gave you absolutely no ability to buy adult weapons and supplies before they came today You've stockpiled enough weapons and whatever other junk you can scrounge up to make the journey to wherever Sollux will lead you. Yes, you are attempting to run from the drones - of course you don't have any conspicuous quadrants filled. Sadly you never will. And – you glance out the window again – you aren't going to make it out in time! You overslept, dammit

! It's time to start on a lengthy mental raging rant against the drones, yourself, and generally all of Alternia. You'd be yelling it aloud as you toss piles of stuff into stupidly heavy captchalogue cards, but that would be stupid. Putting cards into cards, your stockpile grows heavier and heavier. For your seventh wriggling day, Terezi and Sollux had gotten you a more usable modus, thank god, but you only had a few cards for it, which you stored the stuff you'll need to most in. Everything else you are tossing in your old one. The floor is looking less and less sturdy with every card dumped on it. Any second now it'll fall...

and there it goes. You stare down the hole and utter some curses. Down the stairs you rush to retrieve the huge safe. There's three smaller safes fallen around the floor-breaking one, and thankfully enough, there are close together that your modus recognizes them as a set. You stuck them all in one earth thumping, window-breaking THUD and the hugeass safe hits the ground. You stow it in your newly acquired safekind specibus and move away to find your sickles. You guess that you could use the safe in a grief, but honestly you couldn't move the thing even if you were blessed with psionics. Your black sickles, oiled and sharpened, hang waiting for you on the wall. You reach for them with a crusted arm, enjoying how they fit in your hands. They feel good to hold, the worthless pieces of crap they are. Sickles, junk, husktop, what more do you need? You are going to have to do something about your lusus, but you want to think on that as little as possible. Uhh, you'd take an ablution if you could – all this sopor is still crusted onto your bare skin... you're still naked, aren't you.

You glance around, aaaaaaaand there's a window wide open.

Throughly embarrassed now, you rush upstairs before someone sees you. The last thing you need is someone spotting you in your grub suit. Oh yeah, all this bloody red might tip them off on something, wonder if that might be a problem. Almost upstairs, you are stopped in your tracks by an angry crab. He wants you to grief with him. It calms him down – he's intelligent enough to know that something bad is going to happen tonight, and he's worried. So are you. Stroking his head until he relaxes – you've grown closer over the perigees – you grab a sickle you've prepared just for this. You hope it's as painless as possible. He's clicking softly, his large head over your shoulder. Even though you've already gone through this every day for the past who-knows-how-long, you have to convince yourself again that putting him down is the best thing. If you don't kill him, the culling drones will flay him alive. Still rubbing his head, you just... nobody should never have to kill their lusus. You can't do it. You push him away harder than you need too, and rush up to your room before you can stop you.

And yeah, you are still naked. You run back up to your wormdrobe, then remember that yeah, empty, and stand baffled for a while, hoping that they aren't in your safe you just finished filling. Your room is normally a mess, and today isn't much different. You glance out the window for a reality check on how much time you have left. Oh Mothergrub. Rushing, because the DRONES ARE LESS THAN A LOT AWAY, you dig through your stuff, tossing everything down the hole in the floor in an attempt to find some clothing. Nothing. Nothing nothing nothing. You don't even rage – you are fall to scared to take the mental energy. You can't run out without clothes, (a) you'd torch the instant the sun peeked up, (b) everyone would instantly know you are a mutant, and (c) hell embarrassing. You think that you are hyperventilating. You RUN over to your window... and no drones? Your Lusus suddenly screes in a way you've never heard before, and you hive starts to crumble as a huge figure charges in.

NO

NO

NONONONONONONONONONONONONONOOOOOOHGOD

!!!ERROR!!!

VIEW REPORT? Y/N

> Y

REPORT: FATAL ERROR̩̜̜͖̞͍̦̿̓̔̂͑̚͜ :̞̺͓͚̾̾̑͒ ̶͙̤͙̗̄ͨ̇ͩ̓̓ͩ Y̧̝̝͎̍̓̊ͮOUR̞̘͓͉S̞̹̠͊͋͆ͯ͡EL̙̰̹̯̭ͅF̺͍̺̲̊͌͑̈́͆ ̫̖̱̲͎̫̐H̵̥̗͓̾̋̔̐̓Ǎ̙̗̔̓̅̅̐S̲̈́̓͢ ͈̺͈̝͚̾͋̍̈͋ͥ̂Ë̴́ͪ̈́̓̔̌R̴̼̦̙͖͖͚̱̆Ŕ̸̅r̦̺̩̳̺͚̎͋̄͂̒̚r̙ͩͬ̃ͨ̅Ǒ̵̿̅̈́R̼͉̞̹̘̭̱̾ͤͬ̿̈͒O̶̢̫͔̳̭̜̗ͨ̔̐̓̉̕͝E̷̡̪̮̘̠͖̜͙̣͖ͨ̒̊́̽͒ͭ͞dͫ̊͆̀̋̀͆͆ͥ͆̀̀͠҉̛͎̟̱̘̟̮͍̦̣̼̰̱̭͕̬ ̘͓̲͚̱̣̃̉͗̓ͫͩ̏̋̍̀ͥ̍̊ͤ̿́ͦ͗͋́̀ͅe̸̘͈͎͖͙̓ͮͭͨ̏͋ͥͬ̀͜͟m̸̵̛̳̤͍̙͍ͧ̿͑̆͒̂̚͢Ö̵̷̢͕̱̲̱͇̲́ͣ͆ͭ̈̆̆̍̆̓ͮ̓͞͡T̶̴̖̭̯̲ͬ̀̈͐ͤ́͝i̛̙̥͕̰͚͇̬̩̫̗̝̫͇͇ͤͩͩ̽̒N̛ͬͤͩͩ͑̍͋͒̆͋҉̻̥̬̳̘͍̳͉͇̜͎̥G̨̡̟̬̩̖͓̦̗͈̘̝͙͍̳̪͚̩͈ͩ̽͗̾̋̓̒ͩ̾͊͂̄ͧͧ̆̂͒̚̚T̨̛̮̝͓̖͇̰̲̲̻̖̞͍̟͖̳̺͐͗͊ͣ̐̿ͦ͗ͦ͒́͘͜Ṱ̨̭͚̙̬̞̥̯̮͔̹̺̘͔̜̜̝͈ͣͤ̇ͨͬͅŢ̢̨̊̈͛̏ͭ͐ͮ̐̏͊̑̈́҉͇̼̳̺͕̝̠̠̞̮ͅT̶̸̸̨͇͍͖̬̝͚̳͍͉̫͍̣͈̲̻̮͔ͭͧ͆͐̀͐̊̅̉ͫ̒ͬ͆ͧͥ͟ͅT̎̑̀ͪ̀ͣ͂ͩͯ̎̌̆ͯ́̃͑͏̶̠͕̦̭̩̰̠͘͟T̶͉̣͕͎̘̲̪͈͈̺͕̳̱̙̦͖̯̣ͩ̐͗͒ͨ̌ͬͮ́͌̀͊̏̍͂͞Ţ̷̴̹͔̟̜͙̹͚̪̹ͧ̎̊ͧT̓̈ͤ̂̓͊͜͠҉̮̟̣̪͎͎͙̫̼̞̮̲͙̞ͅT̸̵͔̺̹̥ͦ͆͆͛͑̌̏͂̔ͤ̓̔̐͊͂̂̏ͬ͟͜ͅT̢̞̤̠̘̭̻̭̤͔͗ͧ̋̍̿͟T̸̞̞͍̫̤̟̗̤̳̫̯̙̮̹͗́͂̇ͯ͆̔̓̓ͫ̓͂̓̊́̚Ḏ̸̭̭͓̫ͪ̋͒̿ͪͨͭͨͦ́́̚O̶̷͔͍͔̥̮͎͕͈͕͖͖͇̭̜ͭ͐̍͊̋ͮͨͮ͒̓̍͒̇ͧ̀͡I̢̩̬̳̠̞̗͕̗̋̂̓̔̿̆͆͌͜ͅG̷̞̲̦̼͙̝͙̰͚̲̯̰̘̥͈̘ͫ̌ͦͤ͊ͫ̊ͅN̛͚̱͎͖̫̩̫̞͚̹̿ͬ̾̄ͭ͂̔̓ͥ͋ͧ̀̐͐́̍͐͌̓́ ͧ͌͒̀̆̌͒̄̒̒ͥ̏͗̃͐ͪ̐͗͒͏́̀҉̫͎͈̦̲̘͉̀o̠͕̮̞͇͋ͫ̂̈̇̈͐̈́͌͒͐̑̂̈́̾̚͢͠I̡̹̞͔͕̘͎ͫ̏͑ͥ̇͑ͮͨͮ͗͊̂̒ͥ̽̅̾̚͟D̷̸̘̗̜̍̔͋̎͆̽̓̂̂̔ͥͯ̅̈́͗͑̕͟͝ ͤ̉̓ͯ̆́͆͋̃̈́͏̶̗͙̰̣̤͉̱̞̻͠ ̴̬̦̖̦̙̬̜͕̜̞̓͒̓͊̈ͣͧͨͧͭ͛̏͡(̸̵̛̹̦̼̠̞͎̭̯͕͆͐͐̽ͮ̔͐͢Ŝ̷̢̯͉̻̩̪̥̣͔̟̠͖̭̟̤̝̭̫̱ͮ̎̽ͫ̓̓ͬ͊̒̌͢͟͝Ö͍͈̗̼̩̦͚̻́ͨ̋͆̇̀̊̀͞d̴̨̜̠͈̙̮͓͍͛̀̃̓̅͊͗ͫ̌͑͋̅́̾͜͝͠ͅs̰͕̗̫̞͊ͪ̓̉̄͂͑̄̓ͯ̕̕͜ͅ4̡̳̖̠̜͖̯̲̭̘̞̲͓̝͉ͣ͗ͨ̔ͥ͊̅̒ͪ̈̇̉̀̀́͝4̸̵̨͕͖̦̻͚̞̞̘̟̝̙̬̺̓ͬͣ̓͒̈́ͥ͝ͅ4͐ͧ̅̀̿̌ͪ̄ͪ͑ͨ͂͊͌ͪͨ̆̚̚̕͏̶͔̼̙̲͙̗̙̺̀͡4̢͌ͫͣ̏ͩ̂̅͋͏̸̳̭͓̖̱̳̝̟̻̥̱͇̜̫4̵̥̲̦̹̬̤͇̙̥̦̱̗͇̖̗͉͈́̅͂ͤ̈́̋́͗͜͞ͅ4̴̨̨̜̤͔̜̺̻̜̬̫̟͑ͯ͛͊̚͜ͅ4̢ͥ̍ͥͬ̃̋ͣ̌͒̾̂ͩ̈́ͦ̑̌̕҉̵̸̬̱̼͓͚̺͎͖̤͎͇̭̩̲̫D̢ͤͮ̒̈͂̽̿̽ͨ̀̕͟͏̖̹̲̰̳̯̰̥̖̜I̴̢͉̘̹̠̞͙̭̲̰̪̱͕͉͍̙̿̂ͯͧ̆̌͐̚͡ͅͅn̡̢̥͈̟͇̙̦̣̣̪̰̞͉̭̫̤̔̐̽ͥ̍͆̑̆̃͌̐͋͝g͋̀̀̈́͜͞͞҉͓̮̫̜̜̜̥͎̪̳̭̖͈̪͉s̢͎̭̖͉͇͊̋̏̅ͬ̾͂̿ͫͨͥ̊̄ͥ̎̚͘͢ͅḑ̵̴̧͕̜̻̜̻͔̖̯̣̩̪͔̺̩̮̞̓̄̋͐́ͫ̃̎͞ỉ̴̴ͮ͊̌͆҉̡̖͕̞͖̻̘͖͙̺̥̼͍̬͉́i̶̳̤̲̲̳̣͔͎̹̳̥̥͓͉̼̙ͩ̒̾ͯ̃́̒̃ͨͩͨ̕̕ị̸̱̱̤̭̟̻̙̟̞͌̽ͨ̌̀̈̈́̿̈́ͬ̎͂͋ͥ̅̀̚n̿ͯ͆ͭͫ̀ͩ̿ͦ̇͏̯̪̖͜͟͝ ̵̨̏ͣ͌̂͒̈́̈ͮ͆ͨ̇̓̈́ͥ̓͆ͪ̑̒̀҉̻̮̹̠͖̹͇͓s̴̨̢͇̯̼̤̭͕̱̮̫̦͕͊ͯ̋͒͋̉͐ͯ̽ͪ̚ͅ ̵̨̛͓̤͎̝̲̝͓͕̪̗͈͚̩͂̊ͭ̓ͯͦ̎͌͋̿͛ͨ̉ͦ̀ͬ̑͗̀̚d̡̢͔̪̼͖͎̘̪̫̗͍͙͛͂̋͌̎̔̏̾̚͟͜͝ ̇͂ͯͧ̒͛̿̾ͨ͏̷̵̡͓̮̳̮̤͜ ̡̑ͨ̾͐ͣͦ́͋ͤ͏̢̡̱͎͎͈͈̩͕̱̻͎̟̳̩̺̝ͅŏ͚̭̲̹̞̼̣̣̈́̓̈́̇͋̂ͣ̿ͬ̃̈́ͦ̊ͩ̿̏́͘f̷̶̠̬̣͈̝̯͈͓̬͇͎̭̎ͣͪ̈̐̽̊ͯͣ͆̈͆̈͛̈͐͆̀͘̕d̸͑͌̈ͬ́ͤͩ̇̊͛̇ͭ̂́̚͏̶̶͇̰̹͙̻̰͔͍̮͓͈͍̰̪̪̖͇̭ͅơ̵͈̺̜̠̺̻̖̹̲̝̥͈̓̏͗͋͐ͬ̏̍ͮ̎͛͋̀ͧͥͦ͜͟͠s̶͖͇̗̰͚̳̺͙̖̖̮͙͎̽̓̌̒̌̕͞͠ͅͅḍ̨̧̛̦͉͖͓̠̜̺͍͖̳̳̪͖̫̬ͦͮ̀͗ͦ̓͘͜ͅͅf̴̽͌͑ͤͪ̓ͪ̕͏̴͈̜͕̙͓̺̮͔̝̞̭̹̖̣̭͉̭͝î̳̟̼͈͕̽ͬ͑ͭ̇̀̾ͬ̓̓͆͒̾̀͘͠s̵̡͓͎̣̣̩̟̞̲̊̉͌̿͆̋͘͟ ͯͯ͗̉͑͋ͩ҉҉͏͔̯̹̝̹͖s͚͓̘͙̬̙̦͇̬͔͎̥̖͊̓̓ͯ͗̄ͤ̑͟͟ͅd̶͛ͩͭ̊͋͊ͭ̒ͦ̋ͯ̚͞͝͏͇̝̺̯̺͇̕ ̵̺̱̜̲̺̞̮̝ͦ́̈́̇̒̓̾̊̍̊̈́̄͛͑̐́͘ ̧̗̖̰̳̫̌̂͒͐ͫ̓͑ͦ͐̓̂͒ͦͦ͒ͯ̉́̚o̸̭͇̜̬̘̲̹͚͙̱̙͕̺͕̞ͤ͆ͦ̈́̂ͥͮ͝ͅs̨̡̯̻͉̠̭̜͖̩̬̻̰̱̬̙ͭ̾͐̿̍̀ͪͯͪ͋̒̕͢d̶ͬͩͫ̀͋ͥ̋̀̀̋͗͡҉͔̟̻̞͔͔͓̱̹͕̞̜̺ͅ ͮͧ̈́̓͌̉ͣ́ͥ̏͐̎͜͏̧̛̦͙̞̺͙̭̞͚͚͔̼͘i̵̾ͣ̍ͧͤ͋͛̇ͩ̑̍̿̃̔̔ͤ̀͏̵̧̜͉̝͈̭̰̱̙̠̦͖̩͈̦̳̜̭f̒ͥ̀ͣ҉̡͉̟̠͍̩̘̘̳̥̯̠͓͈̟͔̺̩̩sͥ́̀͋̽ͨ̓̎̃̽ͥ͞҉̫̫̻͓͖̼̣̳̟̭͕͙ǫ͖̤͎̞̫̜̦̳̙̼ͤ̊̔͌̓ͣ̎̐͛̆̂ͯͪ͒̃͋ͬ̚͢͡͠ͅd̴̡̘̖̳̥̱̤̜͕͎͖̰̲͑͑͂̍́̎̎͒ͭ̐̉̌̃̕͜͞h̴̶̨͖͙͙͖̩͙̘̙̬̪̭̝̲̒̍͑̋ͬ̆̓̃͆̓̈͋̇ͪ

n̷̡͕̰͉̖̻̦͌͛͂ͦͥ̇

̶̻̝̬̩̽̔͆̈́̂̆̌͢͠ ̷ͭ̇ͭ̐̒́̚͏̩̻̝̥̪̠͖̮̬̮̞̳̹̝̫̥̝̰ͅ ̳̐ͥ

error̩̜̜͖̞͍̦̿̓̔̂͑̚͜

errÖ̵̷̢͕̱̲̱͇̲́ͣ͆ͭ̈̆̆̍̆̓ͮ̓͞͡r̩̜̜͖̞͍̦̿̓̔̂͑̚͜

REDIRECTING.....

NEW SUBJECT LOCATED: “Mexsid Yallup”

BE “Mexsid Yallup”? Y/N

ENTER OTHER NAME IF N

> _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, Karkat is pretty much screwed over.  
> I want YOU, yes you, to decide who to be next. Just comment ~ even guests can. So far I've gotten about a hundred thirty hits, so I expect a lot of suggestion.  
> Whoever is picked the most wins.
> 
> Good luck.
> 
> ((And thanks for reading~! ::P))


	4. Spider8ound (Part 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well. I didn't get any responses. ~.~
> 
> So, VRISKA!!!!!!!!

 

.....

TIMEOUT ==> “no response received”

RANDOMIZING SUBJECT

 

Your name is Vriska Serket, and you have to courtesy to express that fact to the reader. It is currently your ninth sweep and a couple of perigees, and tonight the drones come. You have been waiting for this day for a while. Today is the night you get off this rock and away from all its losers. Mindfang was the terror of the seas.

You plan to be Mindfang

........ _in SPAEC_

 

You are more than prepared for this day. Normally the drones would demand two pails from each of you concupiscent quadrants, but this sweep you are given a choice – either no pails and you get rounded up to be sent off-world, or donate as many pails as you can procure, and wait until you are forced into space. But taking only one choice is for loooooooosers, so you are not only going to be going onboard whatever ship you are assigned to, you also have a large pail sitting where yours and Equius's lawnrings end. You could have filled two separate buckets, but you instead lobbied for a single, large one.

 

Mainly because you could climb in it. :::;)

 

Equius is an oaf that breaks things, but you're tough and smart enough to keep yourself safe. He isn't the first choice you'd have for a partner, but... he's sure good looking enough and he's so stupid and fun to run circles around that after a life of living next to him, you eventually became kismets. And his comebacks are so dumb and narrow minded that you almost feel pale for the guy – he's so pitifully idiotic. He's tons of fun with a bucket though, when he isn't bruising you.

 

You smack your lips slightly, then force yourself to stop daydreaming about Equius like a little wriggler and return to getting your stuff together. You are going to be leaving most of your rubbish behind for the next inhabitant of this peak, Murder as well. Honestly, you aren't too sad ab out it. Feeding her had always been a compete hassle. When you and 'Rezi were together, at least it was an interesting hassle, but after you outgrew FLARP, ( _Not that you were too old for it, no. Just that you had totally OWNED the game and there wasn't much more to do with it._ ) it was just a routine of going on murderous rampages through whatever cities you could find and dragging home the carcasses. Booooooooring.

 

Equius, last you could tell, is bringing his servant-lusus along. He totally pretends that he doesn't have a soft spot for the horse and he just wants him to wait on him, but you totally know otherwise. And whenever you gently point out this fault just like a good kismesis should, he totally prickles up. He gets into these hilarious, righteous rages when you've provoked him. Seriously, if you were just a shade higher than he was, he'd be totally scraping and shuffling to your every breathed whim, but as it stands, he expects you to do the same.

Yeah _right_.

 

He's so much fun to getting shiner and shiner when you taunt and disobey him, until he's dripping and he awkwardly runs to go get a towel. God you're daydreaming again. Curse this Hate – it's making you look as stupid as the female lead in that one show Karkat was always going on about. Yeah, that actually means about eighty different ones, but it's the same point.

 

Now that guy was an enigma. And try as much as you might to try and manipulate him to spill, you just can't crack him. Not only is to TOTALLY immune to your – haha – charms, he was just so grouchy about everything he just deflects your prying questions without a second thought. It's sooooooo infuriatingly cute.

 

You don't even know if he's a lowblood or a highblood, because he's so SMALL, he could be a maroon if he weren't so resistant to your control. The only other person you knew who was comparably resistant was Feferi. And there was no doubting what color she was.

 

You stuff another journal besides a white orb and captchalogue the two items separately. After a moment's consideration, you pull the ball back out and shake it. You hope it gives you an answer – it broke sometime over the last few sweeps, but you still keep it in the chance it might start up again. With your bad luck, it'll keep being stubborn, but you could always get a break. You peer into it.

 

With a long groan, you hurl it against the wall, which is of course bounced harmlessly off of. You sigh. Still garbled nonsense script. You glare at it a lying unscathed amongst broken remains of its less-fortunate black comrades. Stupid oracle being useless. The last time you got a straight answer from the thing, you were still FLARPing. You were such a idiotic, fatheaded wriggler. You thought everything revolved around you, when no – there's a much bigger world out there. And no, you aren't the large mass it orbits around. You grin maliciously – you know you don't have to be to play with it under your thumb.

A thunk as the huge drone outside tells you that it's going to be time to join that world soon.

 

You've got a long handled blade for your equipped weapon – awesome as the Marquis's dice are, you don't really think that you'll be allowed to get in with them in your specibus. Sure you could force whatever little flaythenicator is on the job to wave you through, no problem, but of course then she'd run off and blab to the nearest superior as soon as you left; stir up a ruckus you aren't just ready for now. Might be worth a shot sometime, though.

 

You toss an ID card and an assorted set of grub drinks in your syalladex, glance around the room, and set out the door for the last time, leaving your lusus far below. She, of course, is doing her best to live up to her name, and kill you from below. Murder's screaming at you, incomprehensible yet so clearly begging for you to stay. Whether to merely to feed her or to keep her company, you do not know. Trilling at you, it's the closest she's ever come to _asking_ you for anything.

 

You pause.

You only ever had one plan to deal with this moment, keep walking; leave her behind, and by stopping in this moment, you just speared it through the head.

You really love her. You really think you do love her.

You really love having someone who needs you that much.

Who's dependent on you.

Who trusts you.

Who _needs_ you.

 

Sure, she's probably wreaked your entire life, but she's kept you safe; she's made you into the badass troll you are today. She trills again. Bluuuuuuuh, this was supposed to be quick and easy and thoughtless.

 

~~~~~

[Crystalanthemums by Homestuck](http://homestuck.bandcamp.com/track/crystalanthemums)

 

_You tossed your matted black hair behind your shoulder as you pulled a sack dyed red, green, and yellow. Depositing it somewhere at the bottom for your stairwell, you pulled the green one out and slung her over your shoulder. Although you were small, it really wasn't that hard bring to it back up the stairs – you were a blueblood, and had (still do) the muscles to show for it. Your lusus, standing on the first floor, chirped softly and elegantly clambered up a thread to meet you. You took the still-slightly-warm body and positioned it where the remains of the last one sat in a corner. The greenblood girl wasn't much bigger than you, and rather pretty. You felt briefly sad at having to kill her – she sure roleplayed well, but that emotion was swiftly lost when your favorite spidermom nestled her head on your shoulder, trilling happily. She told you that you were a big girl, a good girl, you were sure, that you had done well. You hugged her and sat down beside the green spot on the floor. She positioned herself opposite from you, her back to her web, and began to slowly thread around and around, starting at the girl's horns and slowly working down._

 

_It was slow, it was gently, it was mesmerizing watching her at work. Over the course of a LOOOOOOONG time, she slowly wrapped up the job and finally pushed the cocoon into the large web filling the vast portion of your hive. You hadn't moved since she started working. There already was a hardened shell – much older – in the web, as well as the discarded husks of a few others. A meal would last her a good perigee when she dissolved them or whatever she did in the silk shells (You once poked a hole in one. You didn't really know what came out, but it looked suspiciously like the remains of an ocular globe.) but that took time, so she'd eat from the old ones until it was done. She scurried back up to you from where she had finished securing the glossy white shell, and stroked you with her lower prehensile ex– you meant leg. Your friend across the big valley told you to call it that, so you tried to._

_You leaned against her soft, slightly hairy exoskeleton and rubbed circles over her many eyes. Right then, your mom was so happy and were you._

_You decided that you like feeling happy._

 

_Suddenly, you had an idea. You jumped up with a slight squeak, and ran back down the stairs. After a few minutes, you came back up with a yellow trail behind you and a stain on your hands._

_You got a spiderhug for that, and you sat and watched, as awed as every time before, as she spun the body its own silky coffin._

 

~~~~~

 

You walk away from her ceaseless screes as you tell the direction behind you that you'll be back.

She shuts up when she hears that – Murder still trusts you to take care of her. You pull your jacket closer and cross the footbridge; at the end of your spacious and boobytrapped lawnring waits your ride – a large wutterflasp. The normally deadly podposionpod behind it is scraped out, with a small hole in the side. Covering your horns with one hand, you squeeze through, landing in the comforting, gel-like material inside. You nestle in, making sure to not disturb the ponytail Equius deliberately and painfully made for you out of your raging sea of a mane. There is a box, glaringly _metal_ , built into the natural whites and deep browns of your beast. You you raise a yellow fingernail to tap it. It's already set for where you want to go, a large city about a quarter-turn of Alternia away from where you live. Lived.

 

The box requests voice confirmation, which you supply, and you take off. Although jostled slightly as the bug tries to get off the ground, your flight quickly settles to a stead, undulating rhythm.

You have all the time to kill. You pull out your phone and glare at Karkat's offlinebusy status. Undeterred, you you click into it and and start bothering him.

 

\-- arachnidsGrip [aG] STARTED trolling carcinoGeneticist [cG] \--

AG: Heeeeeeeey Karkat.

AG: I guess you'll have gotten out 8y now.

AG: I decided to keep residence over my hive.

AG: And therefore my Lusus.

AG: Goddammit Kar, where 8re you?

AG: Tell me you didn't fuck up your esc8.

AG: I put my heart and soul into that plan - I was devoted to it working!!!!!!!!

AG: You were one of my irons, and you've 8lown it.

AG: And you know how I feel about people who mess with my irons.

AG: 8luuuuuuuuh, if you don't answ8r, I'm going to start an argument with Eridan. >::::)

AG: ........

AG: Whatever. Later, loser.

\-- arachnidsGrip [aG] CEASED trolling carcinoGeneticist [cG] \--

 

Well that was disturbing. You suspect that they should have been long gone by now, if they are working according you your awesome plan you made for them, that is. Of course Sollux probably rewrote the entire thing without you knowing. Well, then it's their problem when they all end up on the wrong end of a culling fork. Stupid idiots not listening to your sage wisdom. You have to admit that you slightly hope that Karkat is merely too busy pity ogling Aradia to have noticed his computer, surely stowed in his syalladex. Then again, you slightly hope not.

 

Seriously though, he seems like he's deliberately trying to stay away from any sort of concupiscent relationship. Or any relationship really, for all that he talks about romance. You almost can't believe that he's got gotten in a quadrant with you and Eridan, but it's actually working quite well – partially because you can't mess with his mind. Your auspistice is an enigma. His continuous pissed-off intervening between you and Mr. Fish is completely different from Kanaya's meddling. She'd tap each party on the shoulder gently and give them the rephrased version of the other person's complaints, then pull out a verbal chainsaw and brandish it loomingly about your metaphorical head if you didn't comply. She was really into verbal power play, as were you – except you wanted on top.

 

On the other hand, Karkat would rather start a ridiculously-named memo and open it with a couple withering swears which Eri would frequently crumple under, and you'd return with a plethora of eights. Then he'd start by ranting at you in that shouty, all-caps quirk of his until he ran out of comparisons of your antics to the leftmost puss-filled abscess of a dying wingbeast, at which point he'd swear an apology – not that you could tell it was one unless it was eight inches in front of your face.

Then Eridan would indignantly complain on him, and you'd laugh at him, and Karkat would shout at you while listening and giving bits of advice, then shout at Eridan after he finished. Around now he'd start listening to you as he gave half-assed insults and then he'd send an angry wall of grey text at both of you, start the ashen equivalent of verbally shooshpapping you, lovingly type annoyed clubs, and log off after leaving a nasty grin on all of your faces.

 

Great, now you're daydreaming about your other quadrants!!!!!!!! Well, despite how much fun it would be, your bluffing threat to squabble with Eridan was a ruse, because there's nobody online right now, him included. Terezi _might_ be on her computer, just inactive, but you'll chat wither her once you arrive. If you arrive. You aren't really sure of what you are going to do with Murder. You could stay on the planet for a few more sweeps, but it's getting so 8ORING down here. Not enough irons, and not enough fire. You know you can't leave her though – more for your benefit than yours.

 

In the meantime, you stow your phonegrub and get comfortable. With two fingers, you rub a small dose of traveling sopor into your forehead and slowly drift off to the _beat-beat_ of gentle wings.   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> She's always fun to write. Tell me if she's OOC ~ I mean, yeah, she'll have [maybe] calmed down [not] in the three sweeps that have passed [just more insane], and the whole Ashen relationship with Karkat [what am i thinking], and her being in spades with Equius [shoot me now], should have done something to her. 
> 
> I'll understand the trollian formatting another day.
> 
> And tell me who you want to be next ~ OKAY?????  
> #lolcrazywritersbeingcrazy


	5. l00ping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still no responses. But that gave me an excuse to do some Aradia!!!!!
> 
> Just so everyone knows, the use of a troll's "tone" is from http://archiveofourown.org/users/SkaianRedeemer/pseuds/SkaianRedeemer, who featured it mostly in their masterwork, A Hand in Holding Hands. Go read it this instant. 
> 
> If you are reading this, two things.  
> First, I love you and a writer that good shouldn't be reading this crap,  
> Second, if you mind, just tell me and I'll remove it. 
> 
> ~/anzkji

0_0

You just saw something that you really think makes you uncomfortable and you oh my god oh my god you cant stop seeing it and you are REALLY NOT okay with and

Hhhh you are going to have to think about something else other than stop just

ARADIA: SKIP FOWARD TO THE BEGINNING.

Okay. You can do this.

Well, you would call it a true beginning. Nothing really ever begins – it just really loops. Something's destruction can be its birth as well. For example. You are already a third or so through your life, and you are about to have a radical change. You are going to be leaving everything behind – not that you really ever had much, but you don't really think of it as a beginning or an end. Your old self may be dying, but at the same time it's only really b beginning to start for real now. You'd rather consider it a turning in your life.

  
ARADIA: AHEM

Oh, yeah.

*skip*

 

_~~~~~_

 

You couldn't really sleep last night, so when the flimsy curtains of your one-room hive stop glowing, it's less 'waking up' and more 'stop nodding off'. Not that you really ever get that much unbroken, dreamless sleep with sopor as diluted as yours, but tonight is different. Tonight is the night everything changes. You don't really think anyone could really sleep the night before something of this much importance, much less oversleep.

 

You slip gently out of the watery sopor and rest a second as you wait for blood to flow to your head. You blink a few times as slowly make your way to the shelf that you store your clothes on. In front of it, you start patting the hardening green gel off of your slightly red skin, but quickly reconsider. You'll need as much of the sopor as you can get on your upcoming journey.

 

Instead, you slide the black shirt with your sign on it over your empty shame globes and try to pull your hair through it. A bit catches in the zipper you had to install on the shoulders to fit your large horns through, but you leave the black strands where they are. Some battles you know you can't win. You place equally black underwear on and step into the ratty, mud-crusted skirt you've become so fond of.

 

You take a deep sigh, still slightly misty-headed from the recuperacoon, and look fondly around your small hive. It's a tiny, poor thing, but it's cozy and familiar and yours, and you think you've might grown a bit fonder of it than you'd have hoped to. And you'll be leaving it all now for the drones to flatten when they find it empty.

 

A voice, gently reminds you that everything must die eventually, and you take pleasure in knowing that. Still, you slightly hope (not at all selfishly) that your hive will be intact a enough for future archaeologists to be able to know something about you from it.

 

There's a soft pawing at your door, and your lusus pads in.

You bend down, and she runs to you and places presses her head into your outreached hand. You smile – at least you'll be bringing her with you. You hug her and rub between her horns, curled like yours. Some kids you know pretend not to like like their lusus, when of course they do and everyone knows that, except they're silly like that. Speaking of...

 

You sit down of the mass of wires that takes up a corner of your live – a mess of ultra-high-tech gifts and grubs in a tangle of cords nearly as unmanageable as your hair that you call a computer. You pick up a few and toss them into your syalladex. You'd not need them as much as Sollux will. Surely they'll keep him interested enough to stop him from waxing ominously on meaningless of life when he's in a really blue swing. He's been getting a lot better though, and you think you might know the reason why. With your worktop a bit clearer, you boot up Trollian with a cheerful chirp. Not very many people on your short trollslum are online, unsurprising since it's still a bit light outside. Of course tA is online, cG, worryingly, is not. You clink on your matesprit's icon and start typing.

 

\-- apocalypseArisen [aA] BEGAN trolling twinArmageddons [tA] \--

aA: s0 h0w is everything

aA: are y0u ready t0 g0

aA: s0llux

aA: s0llux answer me

aA: s0llux are y0u even awake

tA: yeah iim awake aa

tA: ii ju2t have to fiinii2h thiis thiing before we leave

tA: and before you a2k, iim not red2wiingiing

tA: ii ju2t need two get thii2 fiinii2hed 2o well be able two get a connectiion two the iinternet whiile were iin the miiddle on absolutely nowhere

aA: 0kay

aA:I d kn0w y0uve t0ld me ab0ut this bef0re but are y0u sure that everything else is ready

tA: yeah iill get iit all ready after thii2

aA: 0n0

aA: thats n0t really what I meant

tA: iit2 okay iill get iit all done

aA: y0u d0nt want t0 be scrambling 0ut 0f y0ur hive at the last minute

aA: y0u d0 remember that the dr0nes will be landing first at y0ur city

tA: ye2 ii know, don't remiind me

aA: 0kay

aA: just make sure that y0u d0nt get y0urself hurt

tA: I wont

tA: I mean ii wont get hurt

aA: thats my b0y!

aA: <3

tA: <3

tA: you know what?

tA: fuck KK and all hii2 pity bull2hiit,

tA: ii love you so much AA

aA: i love you too 0u0

aA: but still he might be 0n t0 s0mething

aA: y0u can be pretty pitiful when y0u l00k like y0ure being eaten by y0ur 0wn pr0gramming and y0u d0nt even n0tice?

tA: ehehe.

tA: diid you know youre a hot piitiiable me22 when youre covered iin mud and deviilbug biite2?

aA: 0h mr capt0r

tA: what?

aA: im g0ing t0 g0 mess ar0und in the dig site bef0re we meet

tA: youre 2o weiird aa

tA: <3

aA: 0u0

aA: I cant wait t0 meet y0u

aA: again 0_-

tA: <3 <3

aA: <3 <3

tA: you know iill never fiinii2h iif you dont 2top dii2tractiing me wiith your 2appyne22

tA: (2poiiler: dont 2top)

aA: ill st0p bugging y0u

aA: just 0ne questi0n ab0ut karkat

tA: you mean that2 he2 2tiil a2leep liike a rock?

tA: well ii dont hear hii2 voiice 2creamiing at me 2o ii doubt hell be kiilled

tA: you do realiize that iif he ever diie2 iill never hear the end of iit

aA: thats g00d

tA: hey

aA: i kn0w y0u kn0w what I mean

aA: and i kn0w y0u kn0w that als0

tA: oh my god you 2ound ju2t liike TZ

aA: heh

aA: well see you later

tA: bye AA

tA: piick you up iin about twenty miinute2

aA: 0kay

aA: <3 <3 <3

\-- apocalypseArisen [aA] CEASED trolling twinArmageddons [tA] \--

 

You close the chat but stare longingly at your screen for a while with a smile on your lips.

==> Fondly regard consummation.

 

Three nights ago, you and he met in a large field and flew to his hiveblock together. You don't think you've ever been or ever will be as happy as you were when lay nestled in his arms with a full bucket next to you and his slightly cold skin against yours. You just want to hug that man and never let go. A gold band inlaid with an intricate pattern of yellow minerals is on your finger, given to you then. He's got a pendant, a glass dot built to hold a single drop of your blood in a star pattern, which you gave. Your matespritship is official.

 

Nothing could have gone better except for that greenblood who kept banging up from the floor and complaining that you were being too loud. But you got a good laugh listening to the sounds of Sollux tossing him around in his hiveblock a bit afterwards.

 

You sigh and step away from the computer, out your door and breathe in the clear air. The sun is fully down now, and the sky is dark, yet it still is pretty early. But it takes time to fly , and you'll need the head start if you are going to pick up Karkat. But then again, who knows. Maybe he'll find his inner psychic powers and teleport or maybe sprout wings, like you've seen drawings of in a few crypts.

Still you somehow doubt that.

 

Instead, you gaze at the large pit in front of you. Your little dig site has been completely explored, and you've moved on to some of the other ruins nearby in the mountains between your valley and the desert. But looking at it brings up so many fond memories that you're tempted to make good on what you said to Sollux.

 

You fail to resist the temptation.

Of course you didn't find anything, but it felt so good to get your hands dirty. Now you'll need to really get packing, though!

 

Back in your hive, you put your other clothes in a card, as well as a prettier, less-loved maroon skirt. A weird hat you found a while ago, and have still held onto, goes in also. You have about thirty cards, so you've got space if you conserve it even though most are filled with random stuff.

 

There is no way that you could bring all the artifacts you've collected over the sweeps, but you do captchalogue a few of your most prized – a teal and lime glass vase, perfectly preserved except for a slight chip in the rim; a large bowel covered in detailed images of legendary trolls; a big, decaying book you found in a in a tomb – possibly about the start of the Alternian military, judging from all the red; and a smaller, yet detailed two-sided tablet two with a well-colored fresco of a demon-troll, whose horns seem similar to yours except WAY larger. At least on one side. On the other, she's missing her horns entirely, which is slightly distressing.

 

A large journal, filled from cover to cover with your archaeological shorthand, you grab. Even if you can't bring all your treasures and your dig sites, you have this.

You try to think of what to put in your last card – you already have a computer stowed, and knowing Sollux there'll be about six extras he'll bring, when your desktop computer blares at you.

 

\-- twinArmageddons [tA] BEGAN trolling apocalypseArisen [aA] \--

tA – iim leaviing now

tA – make 2ure two delete all the chat logs

\-- twinArmageddons [tA] CEASED trolling apocalypseArisen [aA] \--

 

Hmm, you didn't think of that. You're quite fluent with computers, thanks to your matesprit, so you delete them and log off. Although you really doubt anybody will really care if a maroon goes missing during the culling drones' sweep of the planet, it can't help to be safe.

 

You're relived that he's leaving now instead of tweaking his program indefinitely. Knowing him, he might have forgotten completely about the drones while he released bug fix after bug fix for a program only you had. That boy.

 

You whistle for your Lusus, who scampers out from some unknown niche and follows you out the door. You walk off in the direction previously agreed on, towards Sollux. After you are a few dronestrides away from your hive, you stop and turn around to look at it. The green moon is just rising, framing it in a distant green arc, with the mountains behind. It isn't much, but you'll remember it.

You smile wryly and lift yourself and your lusus into the air.

 

~~~~~

 

You float over a grotto of stocky trees surrounding a small creek trickling down from the mountains. The creek eventually joins the river that carved your valley, many dronestrides below. A mysterious frog temple passes under you. It's puzzled you for sweeps, and now you'll never be able to discover its secrets. You lusus whimpers slightly as you lift her higher to clear a rock formation below you. You'd always been in awe of the magnificent silhouette it cast from up so high at the end of every night when you were younger.

Suddenly, it all comes rushing back and you aren't exited any more, just tired. You love this place, and it'd be a lie to say you won't miss it. You've always left lying for others.

 

If you wouldn't be kicked off-world this sweep because of your low status, and if Sollux wasn't guaranteed to become a living battery for whatever rich seadweller wants to squeeze every drop of life out of him – expendable – you could live out your days here in this valley with your matesprit. You were never one for large crowds, instead preferring personal time in solitary, quiet work.

 

You don't have a long life ahead of you, and all your freedom to choose what to do with it is stripped from you. Twenty-four sweeps – that's all you've got. Now just eighteen more times around the sun and you'll be nothing but ash floating from either a mass incinerator or a mourning pyre.

Nah, you'd rather have your corpse buried.

 

Then what? You'll probably float around like the ghosts you talk to. Unless they aren't really there – just a projection of an overpowered lowblood mind. It's always very good to know that some things are inevitable. Some would call you morbid, but the fact that everyone is going to die is very comforting to you. At least that much will not change, despite all that everything else can.

 

You land in the same field you met in previously, worn out and slightly pushed. You'd gone further than you probably should have while you were thinking all your deep thoughts. You doubt you're injured, but as a little bit of red drips onto your hand, you can't help but wonder as you stare at the glossy film forming on it.

Blood is so cool.

 

Anyways, you stride through the field, waiting for the familiar purple glow on the horizon.

A couple dozen seconds later, there it is, right in front of you and slightly to the side. Your lusus of course has scampered off again, but you call her back as your vision is pummeled by overlapping blues and red sparks. You break into a run and envelope the source in a hug, and her ~~breathes~~ liihtpth your name back to you.

 

Ever a sucker for a group hug, you lusus runs between your legs, and he suddenly blasts off with you. Flying is 200% more fun when it's with him. Amid the crackling of the sparks, he asks you high or low, and you say low, because you want to see your little slice of world one last time. So the three of you fly at breakneck speeds along the ground, everything a beautiful blur illuminated by technicolor light.

You just soak it all in for later.

 

He grimaces at the black gathering on the city-lit horizon – drones. He sighs, veering away, and you soar over the mountains. Even though you don't want to leave, flying like this reminds you of why you are doing it, and you feel slightly glad. If you must go, you'd rather it be like this than any other way. You are going to do everything you can to make sure that the only person flying Sollux is himself.

 

He shouts something at you involving Karkat, being late, and drones. You gathered as much from the long detour avoiding the city filled with drones. Sollux is going as fast as he can with gathering undue attention from the villages you keep passing. Still, getting there takes _time_.

 

So you wait some more.

 

…

 

…

 

…

 

flying

 

…

 

drones nearby

 

…

 

almost there

 

…

...

 

~~~~~

 

You open your eyes as you slow in air, having closed them to feel Sollux's rhythm beneath his skin, and soon you are on land once again. Your stunned lusus lies panting on the ground while you kiss your ride briefly on the cheek. So two are so sappy, Karkat is going to die from diabetes just by being within a ten shiplength distance.

Well he's just going to have to put up with it.

 

You start out towards the rendezvous stop you previously decided on and wait. Sollux notices, apparently for the first time, your mom bouncing around you, having finally caught her breath. His face falls as she frolics, occasionally stopping to rub against your leg. You suspect he left his dads on the top of his hivestem. After all, he's repeatedly expressed just how much work it is to get it through to at least one of them to simply not walk down the stairs. There's just no place for them on your journey. Of course it still hurts.

Undoubtedly they've been culled by now without a charge to speak up for them.

You place a soft hand on his leg.

“I'm sorry.”

He just nods in response.

 

A growing hum is coming from the Greenside, but you pay it no heed as you think. When Sol stands upright, you finally tune in and realize that the impossible has happened.

Just like the song,

 

“ _Dr-ooooones comin' RUN. WHILE. YOU. CAAAAAAWWNNNNN”_

 

Sollux sums it up for both of you in a less screamy, metal way. “WHAT? Already? But where'th the hell ith Karkat? Thit. THIT.”

 

Without prompting, he breaks out into a run towards the direction where you suspect is Karkat's house. You have a better idea and haul him up in the air with you. Although nowhere near as powerful as Sollux, you can still match the drones' speed while pushing yourself, which basically means you get there right as they do.

 

 

“Do you think that hth gotten found out? I havveth heard from him at all for the pathe few hours. Maybe he juthe wath theen with...” Sollux continues with a long list of possible scenarios while you fly, most of which you listen halfway to.

You just are downright worried for him. Two drones drop down right as you hover in front of his hive.

 

The drone barges though his door and brings down the front half of his hive. The other one comes after you with a massive culling fork.

 

You aren't that worried even though you know – okay you're actually really scared but you know that Sol will be able to take care of and there it goes. The huge beast flies Pinkward with a wave of his hand and he moves to the crumbling hive. Bifurcated beams split the air and possibly your auditory sponges.

 

With a dying gurgle, the figure in the house the figure in the rubble veritably explodes in a shower of grey drone blood. And walking out from the behind the carcass is a really freaked-out troll with sickles in his hand and grey coating his clothing.

Wait... You don't really think that “seeing Karkat naked” was very high on your bucket list, and now you are convinced that... oh god you can see everything hes got no clothes on and you can see everything you have got to stop staring this is being burned onto your brain and scorching itself onto your thinkpan and cover your eyes turn around do something this is really disturbing i dont want to see this _i dont want to see this!_

 

You turn around with you face on fire. You have never been this embarrassed in your life.

 

“I don't know what you just did but I'd certainly appreciate it if you two didn't just stand gawking at my blood soaked genitalia like a bunch of compete morons.”

Yeah, that's Karkat.

“NOW CAN I PLEASE HAVE A FUCKING SHIRT?”

Sollux mutely pulls a blank, black tee out of his syalladex, and Karkat hastily pulls it down over his side.

 

“Pants would also be preferable.”

 

Sollux begins reaches for something, then suddenly smirks and finds his voice.

“Awwwww. It looths like I'm totally out of pantths. Thorry Karkat, I don't have a thingle one.”

 

“What?”

 

“I think that AA hath thomethin though, don'th you?”

 

You think you get what he's going at.

“Oh... yeah. Yes I do.” You blink for a second, trying not to look at him, and a skirt drops out of your syalladex. You do you best to keep a sweet, innocent, straight face as you hand it to him, but you can't help breaking out your tone. “here y0u g0”

 

Karkat looks completely stunned, his jaw hanging more open then you've even seen a jaw before. You're sure he's blushing (whatever color he is underneath all the dark grey) – but can't manage to say anything, instead simply gawking at you.

Sollux shrugs his shoulders theatrically as Karkat glares at him with a fiery rage.

 

“WHAT IS THIS? I'VE JUST MANAGED TO ESCAPE FROM AN ENTIRE CULLING DRONE AND THIS IS WHAT YOU GIVE ME? A FUCKING SKIRT?”

He's yelling louder than you've ever known a troll could, but the two of you look innocently and helpfully at him. He gives up, glares at Sollux and grudgingly takes the skirt and quickly pulls it up.

 

Okay, your straight face is completely lost to history. You find yourself laughing despite your best efforts not to – he just looks so silly!

He glares at you as well. “Yes, we get it – I'm the freak crossdressing sideshow in the hilarious carnival, which hasn't yet noticed that we just killed two drones and YES THERE'S MORE ON THE HORIZION, SO WE'D BETTER GET A MOVE UNLESS WE WANT TO BE PRIME SPOTLIGHT FOR CULLING HOUR.”

 

“And if we could get all this blood off of me? That would also be a thing that should happen.”

 

Sollux snorts and lifts him hight in the air. “Thure thing, our wise and devoted leader. Thall a feth you anyuthign elthe while you ride in thyle?”

Karkat's wise enough no to say anything to that.

 

“Okay then, fathen your theatbealth.” He suddenly flips Karkat upside down and the three of you set off over the in the direction of the peaks on the horizon.

The world is really just turning, and so are you.

You'll be alive for a bit more, and you plan to enjoy it while it lasts.

 

You just hope Karkat doesn't lose his voice.   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aww shoot. Everyone just found out my fav ship. 
> 
> AND THEN EVERYONE FANARTS CROSSDRESSING KARKAT


	6. SP1D3RBOUND  (Part 2)

“ _1 had a sense of relief as 1 mounted my lusus/partner-in-crimefighting. Pyralspite was ready to go as 4LW4YS! The old girl sure has spirit. Wait 1 mean spite. H3H. 4nyways, we took to the skys blah blah blah looped-de-looped blah blah BL4H! found a large fleet off the coasts raiding a village._

“ _She and 1 so pumped were we to go sack those sackers. Of course it was then just that 1 was told to return to base. bluh bluh thanks a lot sir Y4LSPOR3. i hope that guy gets promoted to the next sector and out of the way, he's preventing JUST1C3._

“ _So anyways journal 1 hope to be getting a look at that fleet closer sometime soon. By the bar 1'm sure that the gamblignants need their numbers trimmed. Who knows maybe? 1'll get assigned to hunt the rascals down._

“ _Maybe 1'll ask someone about it._

-From the personal logs of Neophyte 'Redglare' Latula Pyrope (deceased)

 

 

You are soaring on your trusty mount. Almandine is beneath you, the sky is above you, and you are having way too much fun. You are having way too much fun. We'll just have to be someone else in the meantime.

 

> Be Mexsid Yallup.

No way. You are not going to be an OC this early in the story, whether he may be important to the plot or not. Maybe later.

Try again.

 

> Be Eridan Ampora

What, seriously? You want to be that fishy weirdo?

You seriously need to rethink your life.

In other words, try again.

 

> Be Gamz-

You are now Terezi Pyrope.

 

> HEY!

Sorry,

SUCKARS

 

You are Terezi Pyrope and you just finished having a lot of fun. You just landed in the middle of the city on a REAL DRAGON who is also your lusus and pretty freaking epic, and you are about to register for the Legislacerators. Yep, you're feeling pretty awesome right about now. But jocularity aside, this is also a very important day! Today, not only do you go offworld, but many of your friend/enemies are going offworld! You must makes sure that your friends are shuttled safely up, as a good troll would to for their enemies. With only a little bit of confusing, potentially hilarious misinformation.

 

First order is to register your Lusus for transport up. You wouldn't want to see dear Almandine get culled for your failure to abide by the L4W

 

You glance around the underlit streets and decide to go in the general direction of the rest of the people beneath the low moons. There's a who bunch of kids your age ranging from low red to some mid purple – practically every shade of landdweller under the moons is swarming around you. A grouchy fellow in a weird hat that hardly conceals the gills beneath it brushes past you – strange that a seadweller should be here; stranger yet that he pushed past you.

 

Even though you are smaller and lowerblooded than quite a few of the trolls, everyone is giving you a wide berth, seeing as you have the biggest and most badass creature to walk the planet behind you. Even if she's not full-grown and still blinded, any troll with half a functional brain knows to stay back from the living mass of pure dragon at your back. You keep walking with the crowd while going over the people around you.

 

You stop inventing random crimes which you are certain the others have committed and concentrate on where you need to go when you almost walk into a flimsy sign politely asking you in script to take all lusii to the right. You comply, and enter a large area filled with lusus-white flesh and their Trollish charges. Many are lusii are small, surely being brought only because either they didn't want to be separated from their wrigglers, or the other way around. Some, however, like yours, are large or extremely intelligent Guardians who will work alongside their former grubs.

 

Unlike days of old, you cannot simply bring your lusus with you to your training building, or leave them at your hive until you returned while on break. No, things are done in SPACE now, and in space space is critical. Therefore every prospective partner must be approved. Naturally, most of the lowbloods don't get on with their Lusii – who are instead led away to either be reused for another wriggler or to be culled, while the highbloods' get waved through even if their mom is a thing more useless than a blob of ectoplasm.

 

Anyways, you get in line and wait. After what feels like a couple hours of standing in the slow progression of horns orange and white, you step in front of the bored, grouchy greenblood who is poking at Almandine with a couple of semi-frightening metal implements. You ask him, viciously enough, if there's anything wrong with her. He answers grudgingly and you are taken aback for a moment at his voice when he does.

 

That's an adult voice. You've never seen an full-grown troll before. You are nine sweeps old right now, and although counted as an adult troll, you still won't mature until you are about twelve. He points out that your lusus is only half-grown, a fact you already knew, and you tell him so with the retort that she'll finish growing at about the same time as you, three sweeps from now.

 

He growls irritatedly and says that she might be barred entry from Legislaceratorial work because she's underage. You ask him again what's wrong about that, lusii are allowed to work no matter what their age, as long as they are capable of it. He gives an response much like the last one – underage and something about her eyes.

 

You cackle slightly and inform him that your lusus will be blind until she's full-grown. But at his annoyed glower, you inform him, that “she'll be able to light stuff on fire... W1TH H3R R3D 3Y3D GL4R3!” Almandine breaths out a toasty chuff to accent your point. The Registerror looks impressed. And equal parts annoyed. He breaks out his own (much more robust) tone and still says that there are legal issues, albeit a bit more meekly than before.

 

Finally, after more prodding and tonalization and bantering back and forth, he pushes a paper towards you. You scan it over, sign it, and hand it back to him with your most disconcerting smile. He growls quietly and hastily waves you through, into the maze of fences and animals that lie behind him. After entering the room of bestial cries both vocal and psychic, lowblood handlers – brown and a greenish yellow – rush forward and take her away from you. Although you read as much in the terms you just signed, you can't help but be slightly frustrated and angry as your mother stumbles away from you, as if not in control of her own body.

 

These assholes had better take good care of her, and you tell them as much. Repeatedly and loudly. A vast constabrutisher strides towards you as you continue yelling token insults in the general direction that the handlers disappeared in, but you smile and walk past her with a nod.

 

~~~~~

 

Alone, you enter a huge, archaic building that slowly slopes far down; a vast arena filled with trolls of every shade, every dialect, every gender, but all still your age. Many of them look worried – you can't blame them. Many of them look confused – no guilt trips there either. But you are none of those things. You are a Pyrope, damn straight. Your ancestor (you are all but sure that she was your sign) single-handedly revolutionized how the legislacerators operated. She was their model who turned them from a boring organization into the incredible pinnacle of awesome they are today.

 

You are her first descendant, and you must live up to her name!

That doesn't keep you from wanting a see a face you know, though.

Alas, the number of face you do not recognize is vast, and ever growing. Large herds of golden horns keep pouring through the doors as new groups of children are rounded up from the districts around and brought here to become adults. You, however, have been prepared for a while.

 

Luckily, you have already submitted the Legislaceratorial exam, a sweep ago, actually, and although you did not score as highly as you wanted (You were aiming for at least 413 out of the 480 questions. You only got 387.), but a lower score was to be expected when you took it a sweep of your life before you normally would. Still you placed high enough to be assigned to the more prestigious of the two ships that the Legislacerators possess.

 

It's hard to believe they've got A WHOLE SHIP to themselves. And not just that, but TWO WHOLE SHIPS! Just goes to show how important JUST1C3 is.

 

There are three training fleets, each corresponding to the one of the tines of the three-pronged culling fork of the Alternian military. There is the first, leading prong, the strike teams – those who bombard from above, who destroy from the air, who are the assigned the fastest ships with the best weapons – those trolls which are taught to command and think on the spot. There are the power forces, the middle, killing prong, who inflict the lethal wound upon the conquered, who get the prestige, the glory, and the constant threat of a glorious death in battle. There there is the following tip, which run along the wounds made by the other two. But this is the prong which seals the fate of the victim, and makes its death quick. These are the people who keep the new colony in order, who maintain subordination among the conquered.

 

And the Legislacerators are there to keep it all just. They hunt down those who would evade the troops, the cowards who stand aside before striking swiftly and brutally – the rebels who will not submit.

We will find them and deliver a plate of steaming justice.

Of course, as the Imperially-appointed hunters of all kinds of criminals as well as what would be known in another universe as a private eye, the Legislacerators do many duties for all kinds of people. Not only do they expose operations suspected by their own investigators, they will also work on cases they are paid to do – a very good way to keep the rest of the military uncorrupted, as their client may be executed on the spot if their accusations are false!

 

In the massive hall, there are three vague groups that the mass of swarming, fighting people are organized into, with of course the middle group the largest. You pick you way through the crowd, making your way towards the third section. Well-applied canes and sharp elbows make you job much easier, as long as you avoid others doing the same.

 

In true troll fashion, there is little sorting of the recruited, aside from the general groupings that people with a thought of what they wish to fill their necessary sweeps of military duty mass into. Those who already know the specific group they are heading for are doing their best to punch their way to the three huge testing terminals, while others who don't wish to lose their spot in the queue that might last days throw them back.

 

~~~~~

 

It is a deafening game of ebb and flow, just like all other things in life, where only the strongest and smartest win. You weave your way through the noisy, squirming crowd, making sure that only other people are the ones thrown bodily or psychically twelve dronestrides backwards. Your progress isn't particularly fast, but you are making it with minimal bruises. As you near the hub in the center of the room, flanked by supporting columns, the mass around steadily starts to move faster.

 

The omnipresent din steadily grows, but you barely notice the cause soon enough to dodge when a flowing dagger flies right where your neck was a second ago and embeds itself squarely in the chest of the person behind you.

 

A rapid flow of yellow-brown blood pours from the still erect body, stiffened by death and supported by the crowd's mass. Eventually, he will collapse in a puddle, but you aren't around to see it, because the people around you are pulling back from something nearby, and you are dragged along. You investigative instincts kick in, despite the evident peril (when has that ever stopped you?), and you push a nearby troll out of your way in an attempt to get a closer look at the danger.

 

From the glowing floor beneath her, the multiple sharp objects orbiting her, and the dangerous glow surrounding her body, you quickly assume and you are seeing a young girl in a psychic flipout. Close inspection confirms, that yes, a powerful psionic has just gone out of her mind and is in the process of killing indiscriminately while alternating between screaming in terror and screaming in laughter.

 

You hay have gotten too close during the examination, because she charges through the air in your direction, although you hasten back into the anonymity of the masses. A heavy chain is ejected out of her syalladex and wraps its crushing coils around the head of a teal with blood so eerily similar to your own, you are afraid for a more than that you were the one with their skull lying in fragments. Thinkpan is added to the growing list of bodily materials coating your shirt – now throughly ruined. Dammit, this isn't good at all!

 

The people around you start once again to move faster than you – extremely disconcerting given the horrible situation, and you catch another glimpse of the manic who is bout to kill you all. She's going to kill you and make everything blurry and oh shit oh shit oh shit you can't stop her. Your life is totally wasted and you never did anything because you are all going to die by the fire angel and the dark shadow who is raising a huge rod of fire above your head and...

FUCK!

 

He spears her, and you brain turns back on as red flies everywhere. You and most of the nearby trolls shakingly sit up from the various fetal/culling positions they have taken, and stand around dazed. The clown takes the impaling shaft out and straps two large irons around what's left of a neck and a leg. With a huge rope, he (she?) wraps the dead troll, tiny in comparison, in a complicated web of knots as the audience looks on in awe and shock.

 

Suddenly, after another loop is tied, he flips the body over, and with the place of an oversize font on the exposed frontbone, breaks the body in two. The culler bows down and says a benediction over what appears to now be a sacrifice, takes the halves, and strides back out of whatever corner he was in. The troll, reeking of blood and metal and at least a head taller than most the crowd, is given a huge bubble of room as he and his victim move out of sight.

[3 of an estimated 612.000.000.000.000 fantrolls dead]

 

Your side of the hall is completely silent, left staring in the direction the Subjugglator left. The hole in the swarm that the fight left remains empty for a few precious seconds; with a shrug, a long-horned person dashes to the front, inciting shrieks of horror and swearing as the empty bubble pops.

The noise is back. Joy. The fighting and struggling continues as if nothing has happened, except the contestants now tend to slip on rainbow stains on the floor. You join the party and push your conniving way towards the hub.

 

After more time than you'd wish for, you slide through the mob and into the door of the hub, where the trolls who had just been stabbing and punching each other stand and chat like perfectly civilized people. It is surprisingly not relaxing at all, and you stay on edge while you wait. After enough people have entered, a door opens and, in an orderly line, the group of you descend a flight of stairs leading into darkness. Once the stairs end, you step off into a long, wide tunnel, filled with Meditearers and Recruiterminators idly standing around, waiting for another group to give the physical test.

 

The sound of screaming lies ahead in the ominous hall. You square your shoulders and take another step.

 

~~~~~

 

And at the end of the three-and-a-half-hour-long test, when you stand in a waiting room with a physical score in your hands and an invitation from the Legislaceratorial recruiterminator, you realize the irony of the examination you just endured. You already knew what role and even what cabin of what ship you were heading for. You'd already been completely accepted.

 

But even though you had already been asked to join the Legislacerators, you still had to go through the physical examinatorture you just went through because if you didn't you might have failed the exam requirements for you future station. Normally, you would just be invited by several groups after completing the test with such high scores. The Legislacerators would probably be inviting you also, but not unless you completed the written test you already aced.

 

However, if you were sent onto the ship with just their acceptance under their belt, you would be culled for trying to get into a group with the possibility that you didn't meet the physical requirements. And that couldn't happen. But if you took the examination and failed it, you would be culled for cheating your way into the group. And then whoever let you in would be culled for not doing their job right. And probably a few other people would also end without their head being just for the sake of some jovial bowling.

 

This is all a very good example of troll irony. Troll irony is when someone screws up and someone else gets culled. It is very heavily employed in the Alternian law system, and a useful principle to keep in mind when trying to have someone else culled. Of course if you wanted someone dead, you could just march right up to their hive and kill them, but they you'd probably be culled for an unsanctioned murder.

 

That is where the Legislacerators come in. They keep everyone from stabbing everyone else in the back by stabbing everyone who might stab someone else in the back in the back. It is a very efficient and elegant system, and had would have more hanging honors from the Church of Holy Mirth than any other institution. If honors are like plaques hanging on the wall. And if the plaques were like the mutilated bodies of criminals. And the wall was a gallows.

 

The Legislacerators are an ancient organization, having existed even from pre-deportment. The methods used were solidified by-

Your train of thought, currently headed towards a long road filled with historic memorials, is suddenly derailed by a loud noise as your syalladex flips the fuck out. You are completely BOMBARDED by smells. Oh. So that what that was all about. The unpleasantly aromatic mess of colors and cards resolves itself into a new modus which the confiscated contents of your syalladex are filed under.

 

Array. That is seriously boring. Your old scratch-n-sniff is still accessible, but empty. Well, this one has more cards and sure is easier to use. You never were that good at differentiating all those subtle differences in smells.

 

Still, you'll want this to get replaced with something more interesting. If you remember correctly, It is legal to do so, as long as the modii are swapped while in training. You can continue using it when fully a member, but you cannot change modii then. To do so would give you about fifty lashes, but you can't remember the exact number. Oh well.

 

You pull out your husktop with shockingly non-smell-related ease, and pull Trollian up, It's quite obvious that your files were rifled through, because the chat program is stripped of all of Sollux's patches that he distributed only to his friends and the hexxoring community, and all the memory worms inside are slightly bloated. Luckily all possibly incriminating stuff about your circle of questionably law-abiding friends had been deleted a long time ago. However, such stuff must be reported now when you are onboard! You sure hope that nobody asks you...

 

Oh wait.

 

\-- twinArmageddons [TA] BEGAN trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC] --

TA: get the patch2 back

\-- twinArmageddons [TA] CEASED trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC] --

 

Huh.

 

It takes a while, but you eventually find the flashgrub that holds the patches, and you stick it into... an orifice of the main processing worm you don't really want to think about. After installing the mods (You know your way around computers. Between Sol and Karkat, they made sure of that. Well, Karkat's effect on your computer literacy is dubious at best.), and immediately an encrypted message from Sollux comes up.

 

\-- you have been iinviited two a 2ecure channel [appleberrybla2t] --

 

Hmm. You enter it, to find that a memo has been started on it.

 

\-- twinArmageddons [TA] has opened memo 'me22agetwotz' --

TA: so iim 2endiing thii2 only after you left 2o that you wouldnt be teariing your JUST1C3-ob22e22ed a22 apart tryiing two deciide whether or not two turn me iin

TA: thi2 explanatiion ii2nt goiing to contaiin any iinformatiion about where we are or what were planniing

TA: 2o that way you wouldnt be able two 'tell under examiiterrorgatiion' or whatever bull2hiit you would be concerned about

gallowsCalibrator [GC] has joined memo

TA has banned GC from responding to memo

TA: but iim exiiled wiith AA and KK

TA: AA becau2e 2he doe2nt want to become cannon fodder

TA: me becau2e ii dont want two become a fuckiing 2hiip battery

TA: and who the hell know2 what kk2 deal iis

TA: but anyway2 there you go

TA: and 2iince ii know you are wonderiing but cant re2pond two ask

TA: VK ha2 known about thii2 for a whiile

TA: okay bye

\-- TA has closed memo --

 

Well that was interesting. You are angry at him for not telling you that yeah, he's going to run from the empire – after all, you've known him since you were two; but part of you is glad he didn't. Anyways, this way you can only say that you know of a mutant psionic who is exiled. That's it. No more information there.

 

BUT YOU 4R3 S3R1OUSLY FUSTR4T3D TH4T VR1SK4 W4S 1N ON 1T

 

She probably helped them plan it. And she didn't tell you. You're slightly worried for her – not taking a chance to gloat over you is very concerning when coming from her. Eh, you'll make her pay somehow. Hehehe.

 

Now that you are done with everything else, you resume your previous intention – checking up on everyone. You disconnect from the channel, glance over Aradia – you shouldn't communicate with an exile, and pull up Travos, before you remember that he's staying onworld. Still, you drop a message at his inactive handle staying that you've made it through the tests he was so worried about and are waiting for a shuttle to your ship. Next is Sollux – nope.

Karkat – nope.

Nepeta – oh, she's online.

 

\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] BEGAN trolling arsenicCatmip [AC] --

GC: N3P3T4 WH3R3 4R3 YOU

AC: :33 < hi terezi!

AC: :33 < *the purrbeast circles around the dragons legs, slightly nervous*

AC: :33 < there are so many other trolls here!

GC: Y34H TH3R3 4R3

GC: 4R3 YOU ST1LL 1N TH3 S3L3CT1ON H4LL

AC: :33 < no im outside it

AC: :33 < the lines are so big that they have busted out the door

AC: :33 < i got here late you s33

AC: :33 < and ive been trying my best not to claw anybody

AC: :33 < but some of them can be pretty nasty

GC: N3P3T4 W3R3 YOU 4TT4CK3D >:O

AC: :33 < well sorta

AC: :33 < it was more like a fish wanted to get through super fast and i just happened to be in her way

GC: TH3R3 4RNT SUPPOS3D TO B3 4NY S34DW3LL43RS 1N TH1S COLL3CT1ON C3NT3R

GC: TH3YR3 SUPPOSED TO 4LL B3 4T TH3 CO4ST

GC: 4CTU4LLY COM3 TO TH1NK OF 1T 1 H4D 4 SM4LL RUN1N W1TH 4 GLUBB3R MYS3LF

GC: BUT SH3 D1DNT S33M L1K3 SH3D 4CTU4LLLY 4TT4CK 4NYON3

AC: :33 < well maybe I hissed at the fish a little bit

AC: :33 < but i didnt really hurt the guppy

AC: :33 < i just scampered away when weapons started coming out

AC: :33 < and ive b33n trying to make my way through the crowd!

AC: :33 < like i said before

AC: :33 < there are just so many people!!! :oo

GC: 1 GU3SS YOU LIV3D 3V3N FURTH3R OUT 1N TH3 M1DDL4 OF NOWH3R3 TH4N 1 D1D

AC: :33 < yeah I was in a cave

AC: :33 < all the way at the mountains!

AC: :33 < purrty close next to where aradia is

AC: :33 < or was I guess

GC: Y34H

AC: :33 < sorry im not supposed to make cat puns

GC: GOOD LUCK W1TH TH4T >:]

AC: :33 < to be honest its kinda frightening

AC: :33 < im so unused to it

GC: P3OPL3 OR C4T PUNS?

AC: :33 < both! x33

AC: :33 < i hope that i will be given a job that involves a lot to exploration

AC: :33 < pounce was always the best at that :((

GC: D1D YOU H4V3 TO L34V3 H1M B3H1ND >:[

AC: :33 < yeah 33:

AC: :33 < but he wouldnt have liked being on a spaceship anyways

AC: :33 < actually he would hate it

AC: :33 < this way he can raise another wriggler

AC: :33 < you got to bring your lusus, right?

GC: Y34H SH3S GO1NG TO B3 GO1NG THROUGH TR41N1NG W1TH M3

AC: :33 < do you think i could m33t her? :oo

AC: :33 < there were never any dragons where i lived and she sounds like a really neat lusus also!

GC: SUR3 BUT 1 DONT R3ALLY KNOW HOW TH4T WOULD WORK OUT

GC: 1 DONT TH1NK TH4T YOU COULD S33 H3R WH1L3 W3R3 ST1LL ON THE GROUND

GC: SO WH4T R34LLY M4TT3RS 1S WH4T SH1P YOU G3T ON

AC: :33 < how do you think i could make sure im close to you

AC: :33 < but i also want to be next to equius when he goes up

GC: H3S NOT GO1NG OFFWORLD NOW?

GC: …

AC: :33 < sorry, the guy in front of me is seriously ticking me off!

AC: :33 < but yeah equius wants to stay in his castle for another sw33p

AC: :33 < weve decided that it was the best thing but im still sure going to miss him

GC: OH

GC: W3LL B4CK

AC: :33 < but when he does go up i want to be sure that hes going to be near me

GC: YOU COULD 4LW4YS 4SK YOU KNOW

GC: 1M SUR3 TH4T TH3R3S 4 W4Y YOU COULD COORD1N4TE TH4T 4S LONG 4S YOU 4SK TH3 R1GHT P3OPL3 WHO WONT D1SM1SS YOU

AC: :33 < oh really?

AC: :33 < ill have to look into that then

GC: BUT TH4T ST1LL D3P3NDS ON WH4T BR4NCH YOU W4NT TO G3T INTO

AC: :33 < branch?

GC: OF TH3 M1L1T4RY

GC: T3LL M3 YOUV3 PUT SOM3 THOUGHT 1NTO TH1S

GC: 3V3N 1F YOURE ONLY PL4NN1NG TO ST4Y FOR TH3 B4R3 FOUR SW33PS

AC: :33 < h33 h33 of course!

AC: :33 < but i dont actually care that much

AC: :33 < either the armamentalists or the aggrievandalizers

AC :33 < or maybe some type of recon

AC :33 < like i said doesnt really make that much of a difference to me

AC: :33 < unless its something really stupid like a stellacrimator

AC: :33 < i cant really s33 myself as flying some little fighter around

GC: M3 N31TH3R

GC: YOU KNOW TH3 4GGR13V4ND4L1Z3RS M1GHT B3 N34R THE L3G1SL4RC3R4TORS

GC: BUT YOU ST1LL DONT W3NT TO CONS1D3R JO1N1NG THE R4NKS OF THE R3DBOOTS?

AC: :33 < h33 h33 we get it, the legislacerators kick ass

AC: :33 < but thats not really for everyone

AC: :33 < id rather just pounce on a bad guy than all kinds of boring paperwork furst

GC: H3Y

AC: :33 < you know what i mean

GC: Y3S I DO

GC: BUT ST1LL...

AC: :33 < yeah

AC: :33 < i gotta go

AC: :33 < there's an annoying asshole that im going to cut a new nook for

AC: :33 < bye! >:33

arsenicCatnip [AC] is OFFLINE!

GC: N3P3T4 DONT K1LL 4NYON3

\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] CEASED trolling arsenicCatnip [AG] --

 

That girl is crazy. You glance up from the screen and have to do a double-take; the room has filled up a lot while you were chatting. You smile at the though of all the new recruits the Legislacerators will have while half-thinking of when the shuttle will come, and turn back to your trolling.

 

Next is Kanaya.

 

\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] BEGAN trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA] --

GC: SO HOW 4R3 YOU K4N4Y4?

GC: 1 GU3SS YOU 4RE GO1NG TO 4 D1FF3R3NT HUB TH4N W3 4R3

GC: S1NC3 YOU 4R3 4 J4D3BLOOD

GC: …

GC: K4N4Y4

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] is an idle troll!

GC: BLUUUUUUH

GC: JUST TROLL M3 WH3N YOU G3T ON YOUR SH1P

\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] CEASED trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA] --

 

Well that was unproductive. You don't really mind though – you and she never really got along that well. Next on your contacts is Vriska.

You only hesitate for a moment before clicking on her screenname.

 

\-- gallowsCalibrator [GC] BEGAN trolling arachnidsGrip [AG] --

GC: VR1SK4 WH4TS GO1NG ON?

GC: YOU KNOW 1 DONT 4PPR3C14T3 B31NG L3FT BL1ND3D TO TH3 ST4T3 OF TH1NGS

AG: Heeeeeeeey Terezi!

AG: Why are your horns in a twist?

GC: G1V3 M3 4 BR34K VR1SK4 YOU KNOW

AG: May8e I do and may8e I don't.

AG: And maaaaaaay8e I'm just being evasive.

GC: TH3 COURT F1NDS YOU GU1LTY OF TH3 L4ST CH4RG3

AG: Ha! The charge was that I was may8e guilty.

AG: And you know 8etter than I do that that applies to everyone suspected!

GC: VR1SK4

AG: Yeah what.

GC: WHY D1D YOU NOT T3LL M3 YOU W3R3 H3LP1NG SOLLUX

AG: Wow, look at her su8tlety.

AG: I couldn't even tell that one was coming until it hit me.

GC: VR1SK4 STOP TH1S NOW

AG: Well what do I say?

AG: Terezi I'm helping your second 8est friend esc8 from the empire?

AG: Yeah I know that the first thing that the crazy legislacators ask is the criminal records of everyone you know.

AG: No I don't care.

GC: TH4TS AN EX4GG3R4T1ON 4ND YOU M1SP3LL3D L3G1SL4RC3R4TORS

AG: I still couldn't just TELL you everything!

GC: YOU COULD 4T L34ST T3LL M3 H3S GO1NG TO R1SK H1S L1F3

GC: W1TH YOUR H3LP

AG: So what? So you could tell him not to trust me?

GC: Y3S >:[

AG: ::::(

GC: >:[

AG: ::::C

GC: >>:C

AG: >::::::::C

GC: >>>>:[[[

AG: >>>>>>>>::::::::CCCCCCCC

GC: TH3S3 DONT 3V3N LOOK L1K3 3MOT3S 4NYMOR3

AG: Yeah. ::::P

AG: That last one looks like it 8lueshifted as it fell into a 8lack hole.

AG: E%cept they turn red, not 8lue.

GC: WH4T3V3R YOU 4R3 ST1LL NOT 4NSW3R1NG M3

AG: Well I did!

AG: 8ut you didn't like my answer so 8luh to you.

GC: YOUR 4NSW3R W4S UNS4T1SF4CTORY

GC: YOU LOSE F1V3 R3P 1N TH3 S1GHT OF H1S HONOR4BLE TYR4NNY

GC: 1F YOU G3T TO M1NUS 31GHT H3 W1LL D3M4ND 4 B1T3 OF YOUR FL3SH

AG: What.

AG: Ever.

AG: Look at how much I care.

GC: BL44444R

GC: JUST T3LL M3 WHY YOU COULD NOT 3V3N S4Y 4NYTH1NG

GC: 1V3 KNOWN SOLLUX FOR SW33PS

GC: WHY D1D YOU 4LL K33P 1T 4 S3CR3T FROM M3?

AG: Well it's not like anyone but me and them knew!

AG: I just didn't really see a reason to go 8laring the news all over the planet that I was helping three other trolls run from the dr8nes!

AG: Or is that not clear enough????????

GC: YOU AR3 B31NG SO OBSTRUS1V3

GC: JUST T3LL M3 WHY TH3Y W3NT TO YOU OF 4LL P3OPL3

AG: 8ecause I'm a 8lu8lood who isn't totally useless 8ecause of how far the hemospectrum is up their 8utt.

AG: 8itchy and manipu8ive and muuuuuuuurderously sexy, but I'm not going to get them killed unless I'm doing it myself.

GC: …

GC: 1 ST1LL DONT S33 WHY 4R4D14 L1ST3N3D TO YOU

AG: She sure didn't!

AG: All I really did was give Sollux some maps and yell at Karkat to stop 8eing such an idiot.

AG: I don't see why it's such a 8ig deal to you!

GC: M4YB3 B3C4US3 1D L1K3 TO KNOW TH4T MY FR13NDS TRUST M3 3NOUGH TO T3LL M3 WH3N TH3Y 4R3 GO1NG TO DO SOM3TH1NG L1K3 TH1S

AG: They didn't want anyone to know!

AG: 8ut they asked me not to tell you in case you felt like you needed to start a legal inves8ion on their tracks.

AG: May8e they aren't your friends and they think that the law is more important to you than them!

GC: VR1SK4 YOU 4R3 B31NG A B1TCH

AG: Sorry, 8ut it may 8e true.

GC: >:] SO YOU 4DM1T 1T?

AG: THAT'S NOT WHAT I M8NT!!!!!!!!

GC: H3H3H3

GC: WHY DO W3 4LW4YS 3ND UP F1GHT1NG WH3N W3 4RNT 3V3N M4D W1TH 34CH OTH3R?

AG: I don't know.

AG: We're so awkward around each other, like we're always second guessing one another.

AG: Why can't it just be like the good old days when we fed unsuspecting villains into the maw of my wonderful mother?

GC: 1 TH1NK W3 BOTH KNOW 4LR34DY

AG: Yeah........

GC: TH4T TR4VOS W4S NOT 4 V1LL41N

AG: Oh my god can you nooksuckers not get oooooooover that alr8dy????????

AG: No8ody was hurt and he forgave me so why are you always talking a8out it?

GC: TH4T W4SNT SUCH 4 B1G TH1NG

GC: 1T W4S JUST TH3 ST4RT OF OUR SCH1S1M

GC: TH3R3 W4S NO R34LLY B1G BR34K

GC: JUST A LONG D3CL1N3 TH4T H4S T41NT3D 4LL MY M3MOR13S OF H3LP1NG YOU FL4RP

AG: Well I was perfectly fine without you!

GC: TH3N WHY D1D YOU STOP PL4Y1NG FOUR P3R1GR33S AFT3R 1 D1D?

AG: 8ecause I had more irons in the fire 8y then.

AG: I didn't need to play a stupid game for 6 sweepers.

GC: YOU H4D NO 1RONS 1N TH3 M3T4PHOR1C4L F1R3 4ND YOU D1ST1NCTLY TOLD M3 SO

AG: Soooooooo?

GC: 1 SUSP3CT TH4T YOU D1DNT 4CTU4LLY L1K3 K1LL1NG P3OPL3 4S MUCH 4S YOU L3T ON

AG: Soooooooo????????

AG: It was 8ORING without you!

AG: You made it not just 'sta8 sta8, toss in big pit, reap spoils'.

AG: With you it was a fun cross e%amination, then a 8rutal e%cution and the whole time the convict was shaking in fear!

GC: STOP 1T OR 1 M1GHT H4V3 TO ST4RT 4G41N

GC: YOURE G1V1NG M3 QU1V3RS

GC: TH3 H34D OF TH3 P3RSON 1N FRONT OF M3 LOOKS H1GHLY ST4BB4BL3

GC: H3R TR14L C4N COM3 4FT3R TH3 3X3CUT1ON

AG: You see?

AG: This is what I'm talking a8out!

AG: Me and you fucking shit up!

GC: 1N TH3 N4M3 OF JUST1C3

GC: W3LL TH3R3S NO R34SON WHY W3 COULDNT WORK TOG3TH3R

AG: What do you mean?

GC: TH3 L3G1SL4RC3R4TORS 4R3 W3LL KNOWN FOR T34M1NG UP W1TH OTH3R GROUPS

GC: VR1SK4 1SNT TH1S WHY YOU L3FT YOUR SP1D3R B34ST?

GC: SO YOUD B3 FR33 TO L1V3 YOUR L1F3

AG: Well I don't know that I can........

GC: D1D YOU H4V3 MOR3 N3F4R1OUS GO4LS 1N M1ND? >:[

GC: 1LL H4V3 TO R3PORT YOU

AG: May8e.

AG: 8ut I've asked to 8e my lusus's custodian.

GC: VR1SK4 1LL N3V3R UND3R3ST1M4T3 WH4T YOU C4N DO BUT HOW DO YOU PL4N ON G3TT1NG TH4T HUG3 TH1NG ON 4 SHIP

AG: I'm not.

GC: WH4T

AG: I'm just g8ing to keep ownership of the hive, that's all!!!!!!!!

GC: 4R3 YOU PL4NN1NG ON K33P1NG TH4T TH1NG ON 4LT3RN14?

AG: Yes!

GC: HOW 4R3 YOU GO1NG TO F33D H3R

AG: I don't know!!!!!!!

AG: I'll just work something out!

GC: YOUR3 GO1NG TO B3 T13D TO TH3 HOM3WORLD UNT1L SH3 D13S

AG: Well she couldn't take another wriggler so she'd just be killed anyways!

GC: YOU DONT M4K3 4NY S3NS3

AG: What do you want me to do, just go tell her to go f8ck herself???????

GC: YOULL H4V3 TO L3T GO OF H3R SOM3D4Y

AG: FINE!

AG: I already know that, Terezi!

AG: You aren't helping me at all!!!!!!!!

GC: VR1SK4 WHY 4R3 YOU HOLD1NG ON TO H3R WH3N SH3S B33N TH3 B4N3 OF YOUR 3X1ST4NC3 FOR YOUR 3NT1R3 CH1LDHOOD?

AG: I'm not g8ing to be the one to let her be killed!

AG: Just stop telling me things I al8dy knew.

\-- arachnidsGrip [AG] BLOCKED gallowsCalibrator [GC] --

GC: VR1SK4

GC: VR1SK4 WH4TS GO1NG ON?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So should I keep using music? I completely forgot about it in this one and l00ping.  
> And thanks for all the support!
> 
> Comment with a character or I might OC!!!!!  
> And we wouldn't want that to happen...  
> would we?  
> I mean, any troll character - ancestors, kids, maybe Gl'gospbsldskfsfahodf again but she's totally dead now. Seriously, it isn't that hard to comment with 13 characters. 6 letters, a space, 6 letters. Done.
> 
> And as always, please tell me if I'm being OCC again and...  
> you know what?  
> How about I just say...
> 
> tl;dr: Comments would be awesome.


	7. bL1NDS1DED

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the lil' Summoner is Excited, then moody and bored, gets annoyed with a lot of stuff, falls behind on his writing, develops a black crush, discovers a secret about himself, and finally realizes how to move on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a tumblr for this!  
> songbound.tumblr.com
> 
> So yeah, sorry this took so long. Between this and Aranea's Exposition Stand, I was 8USY!

==> BE THE NITRAM

You are now the Nitram. You are the first and only Nitram, and you have a brown pen in your hand.

You glance at the poster of the pretty fairy to get motivation, and put a few words on the paper.

 

3.13, 13556

1 BOUGHT TH1S BECAUSE 1M GO1NG TO JO1N THE CALVEREAPERS TOMORROW N1GHT... sO 1M GO1NG TO START TH1S... 1 GUESS...

 

Bluh, whatever. You're going to sleep. Today you're going to need it – next night. Is BIG.

 

 

3.12, 13556

1 MADE 1T! d*MN, 1VE NEVER BEEN SO EX1TED... 1 EVEN GET TO KEEP MY LUSUS.. A LONG STORY, BUT WHY NOT TELL 1T? aFTER ALL, 1 GET ANOTHER FOUR DAYS BEFORE 1 START TRA1N1NG AND 1'VE GOT NOTH1NG BETTER TO DO.

sO 1 WAS L1KE WALK1NG AND WORRY1NG ABOUT HOW 1 WOULD GET SUCH A B1G DRAGON 1N UNNOT1CED.... aND THEN 1 SWEAR SHE CAN READY MY M1ND AND SHE STARTED TELL1NG ME THE FREAK1EST TH1NGS... l1KE SH*T WAS CRAZY... bUT THATS ANOTHER STORY. aND AFTER SHE WAS DONE WE WERE AT THE RECRU1TERRORS DESK AND 1 DEC1DED THAT 1 WAS... yOU KNOW... jUST GO1NG TO TRY AT NOT L1KE SNEAK1NG HER 1N BECAUSE THAT WASNT GO1NG TO WORK... sO 1 GOT ALL CONF1DENT AND JUST TOLD THE GUY (aND HE WAS A JADEY-GREENBLOOD... 1 DONT KNOW WHAT 1 WAS SMOK1N') aND 1 TOLD H1M TO GO TO H*LL BECAUSE MY LUSUS COULD BURN YOUR HEAD R1GHT OF YOUR THROATSTEM AND HE JUST LET ME 1N! 1TS CRAZY BUT 1M GLAD...

aND 1 MEAN THAT B1G VALLEY WHERE THEY TEST YOU, PYRAL WAS WALK1NG ON THE EDGE THE WHOLE T1ME FOR THE PHYS1CAL. 1T WAS WE1RD... 1 MEAN WHAT BROWNBLOOD GETS TO KEEP THE1R LUSUS... aND ESPEC1ALLY THROUGH FOR THE CALVEREAPERS? bUT SHE JUST WATCHED THE WHOLE T1ME... aFTERWARDS SHE SA1D 1 REMEMBERED HER OF HER DAUGHTER... 1 WENT AND GOT A SCORE H1GH ENOUGH FOR THE REAPERS, aND OF COURSE 1 MET THE PHYS1C AND AN1MAL AFF1N1TY TEST1NG... 1T WOULD HARD NOT TO 1 GUESS...

tHEN 1 HAD TO GET S1GNED UP AND YOU KNOW ALL THE AND THEY REALLY D1DNT L1KE THAT SHE WAS ST1LL THERE...1 MEAN THERE WERE F*CK1NG THRESH1ES STAND1NG ALL AROUND AND THEY WERE TAK1NG PEOPLE AND THE1R LUSUSES TO A B1G ARENA... OF COURSE WE HAD TO K1LL THEM... tHAT WAS THE CALVEREAPER TRAD1T1ON! BUT THEY ALL STAYED FAR BACK FROM ME... oNLY ONE PERSON TR1ED TO GET CLOSE... aND HE GOT H1S FOOT SET ON F1RE.

1 EXPLA1NED HOW GOOD 1T WOULD BE TO HAVE A DRAGON ON THE TEAM... AND ESPEC1ALLY A TEALBLOOD DRAGON EVEN... tHEY L1STENED 1 GUESS... 1 WAS JUST WAVED THROUGH... sT1LL 1M GLAD THEY AGREED W1TH ME! 1TS HARD DO1NG ALL THE WORK FOR GETT1NG HER 1N... yOU KNOW?

sO NOW 1M 1N THE CALVEREAPER H1VEBLOCK... tHEY ALL LOOK THE SAME BUT ARE NUMBERED... aT LEAST 1T APPEARS BETTER W1TH MY STUFF MOVED 1N EVEN 1F THERE 1SNT VERY MUCH... gOTTA END, THEY'RE TURN1NG OFF THE L1GHTS AND CLOS1NG THE SHADES... 1LL JUST F1N1SH... wHAT A N1GHT!

 

3.11, 13556

pYRAL WAS ACT1NG ALL WE1RD AND EDGY... sHE TOLD ME BECAUSE SHED BEEN HERE BEFORE OR SOMETH1NG L1KE THAT... 1 GUESS W1TH HER 'DAUGHTER'? wHO 1S SHE ANYWAYS... sHE SOUNDS REALLY COOL BUT 1 ST1LL DONT UNDERSTAND A LOT ABOUT HER? 1TS WE1RD... yOU KNOW, l1KE HOW 1 KNOW MY LUSUS SO WELL BUT KNOW SO L1TTLE ABOUT HER... SH*T, 1 THOUGHT THAT MY LUSUS WAS A W1LD DRAGON TRY1NG TO EAT ME... wH1CH 1 GUESS SHE WAS... bUT 1T SEEMS L1KE SHES BEEN A LUSUS BEFORE? oR MAYBE JUST WATCHED A G1RL L1KE A PATRON BEAST? bUT 1T MUST HAVE BEEN A LONG T1ME AGO... 1T TOOK ME FOREVER TO MAKE HER CALM... sURE AM GLAD 1 D1D THOUGH! 1T WE1RD, 1'VE ALMOST FORGOTTEN MY F1RST LUSUS... sEEMS L1KE DRAGONMOM HAS BEEN W1TH ME FOREVER... 1'M GLAD 1 ST1LL GET TO BE W1TH HER THOUGH...

 

aLSO 3.11, 13556

1 HAD TO CULL SOMEONES' LUSUS 1NSTEAD OF MY OWN... bUT THE TH1NK 1S THE POOR K1D WAS WATCH1NG AND SCREAM1NG ATE ME THE WHOLE T1ME... sH*TS MESSED UP. bUT 1 HAD TO SO 1T ANYWAYS SO 1 D1D... tHEN THEY TOOK THE K1D AWAY... 1 GUESS HE WAS CULLBA1T ANYWAYS BECAUSE HE WAS PARALYZED AND HAD NO WOODEN LEGS... sAD, YOU KNOW... bUT 1 HAD TO WHAT 1 HAD TO DO...

 

3.10, 13556

sECOND TO LAST DAY BEFORE TRA1N1NG... tH1S SOPOR 1S REALLY CHEAP... 1 HAD AWFUL DAYTERRORS... wELL WORSE THAN NORMAL... tHESE HORNS MAKE MY L1FE HARD! l1KE COME ON, wHAT LOWBLOOD K1D L1KE ME HAS HORNS TH1S HUGE... bLUGH, 1 GUESS...

 

~~t~~ ~~H1RD~~ ~~p~~ ~~ER1GEE~~ ~~n~~ ~~1NE SUNSWEEPS LEFT BEFORE~~ ~~t~~ ~~HE~~ SCR*W TH1S, 3.9, 13556

sTARTED TO GET TO KNOW MY BLOCKMATES... tHEY SEEM L1KE DECENT FELLOWS, AND 1 TH1NK 1 M1GHT ACTUALLY KNOW ONE OR TWO OF THEM? 1M NOT REALLY SURE... tHEYRE ALL K1NDS OF SAD THROUGH... CANT SAY 1 BLAME THEM. 1M NOT REALLY SURE 1F THEY ARE ALL P*SSED W1TH ME OR PROUD OF ME... fOR GETT1NG MY LUSUS TO SURV1VE... mAYBE SOME OF BOTH.

1VE BEEN HER SON SO LONG 1TS GO1NG TO BE WE1RD TO BE HER HANDLER... mAYBE THERES A REASON THAT YOURE SUPPOSED TO CULL YOUR LUSUS AND GET A NEW BEAST...

 

3.8, 13556

f1RST DAY OF TRA1N1NG. wE D1DNT ACTUALLY WORK W1TH AN1MALS OR EVEN COMBAT TRA1N1NG... jUST A WHOLE LOT OF BOR1NG TALK AND THEN WE WERE EACH G1VEN A DAGGER AND WE HAD A SMALL SK1RM1SH... 1 DONT L1KE F1GHT1NG W1TH DAGGERS... tOO CLOSE AND PERSONAL, BUT THEY WERE GOOD BLADES... wONDER WHAT TOMORROWS TRA1N1NG 1S GO1NG TO BE L1KE...

 

3.7, 13556

tHE GRUBSAUCE HERE 1S HORR1BLE... wHO EVEN DEC1DED TO SERVE THAT SH*T?

aN1MAL PSYCH1CS, THERE WERE A LOT... wERE PULLED AWAY TO START TRA1N1NG W1TH HOW TO TALK TO AN1MALS. eVERYONE ELSE (1 TH1NK THERE WERE MORE PULLED AWAY THAN LEFT BEH1ND...) wERE TAUGHT TO CONTROL THEM W1TH WH1PS... yOU KNOW, 1 ALWAYS THOUGHT 1 WAS L1KE THE B1G MAN... sO TO SPEAK... bUT 1M ACTUALLY NOT THAT AWESOME... sOME PEOPLE CAN L1KE BECOME COMPLETELY ONE W1TH B1RDS... fREAKY STUFF...

 

3.7, 13556

jUST MORE PSYCH1C TRA1N1NG AND DAGGERS... yOU KNOW, THE HOT WATER HERE 1S SO COLD...

 

3.6, 13556

wE GOT TO USE LANCES TODAY! 1 L1KE TH1S A LOT MORE THAN THE OTHER STUFF... tHE LANCES ARE PRETTY N1CE, EVEN 1F THE ONES WE WERE G1VEN WERE REALLY S1MPLE... bAS1CALLY JUST A SHARPENED POLE, BUT ST1LL N1CE... wE ALSO D1D SOME DAGGER TRA1N1NG AND MORE PSYCH1C AN1MAL TRA1N1NG... 1 HAVENT GOTTEN TO SEE DRAGONMOM RECENTLY FOR A FEW DAYS... NOT SURE 1F 1 SHOULD BE WORR1ED...

 

3.5, 13556

tODAY EVERYONE CHOSE A BEAST TO HANDLE EXCEPT FOR ME... 1M ALL K1NDS OF CONFUSED...

gOD 1M T1RED...

 

3.3, 13556

EVERYONE PRACT1CED TAK1NG OUT DUMM1ES W1TH THE1R BEASTS TODAY... 1M HANDL1NG A LAZY YELLOW TOOTHBEAST... SO HARD TO MAKE H1M DO ANYTH1NG! wHY CANT 1 JUST HANDLE pYRAL... 1 WAS TALK1NG W1TH SOME OF MY MATES TODAY AND THEY SA1D THAT MAYBE THEY CULLED HER OR TOOK HER FOR ANOTHER ORGAN1ZAT1ON... 1 SURE HOPE NOT...

 

4.17, 13556

1 HAD THE WE1RDEST DAY TERROR... nOT EVEN THAT SCARY, MORE L1KE SOME WE1RD STORY... a LOT OF DRAGONS AND CATS 1N 1T... tR1ED ASK1NG ABOUT pYRALSP1TE... gOT NO ANSWER, JUST TOLD TO TALK TO ONE PERSON, THEN ANOTHER, THEN BACK TO THE F1RST ONE AGA1N...

1M GETT1NG RATHER WORR1ED... wE D1D MORE TRA1N1NG TODAY W1TH OUR BEASTS... nOTH1NG REALLY 1NTEREST1NG, AT LEAST NOT W1TH TH1S FAT TOOTHBEAST... 1 W1SH 1 KNOW WHERE MY LUSUS WENT...

4.10, 13556

sO TODAY 1 FOUND OUT THAT WERE GO1NG TO BE DEFEND1NG THE cA1SAE OUTPOST 1N A FEW PER1GEES... sO WED BETTER START WORK1NG HARDER. l1KE TRA1N1NG AND ALL THAT... 1 REALLY WONDER WHAT HAPPENED TO pYRALSP1TE. 1TS REALLY HARD TO LEARN HOW TO F1GHT WHEN MY P1ECE OF SH*T MOUNT WONT MOVE A GRUBS BUTT W1THOUT ME FORC1NG H1M... 1 HAVE TO E1THER STAB H1M W1TH MY LANCE OR HAVE FOOD 1N FRONT OF US BEFORE THE F*CKER W1LL EVEN MOVE...

 

4.8, 13556

1 TH1NK 1 KNOW WHERE pYRALSP1TE 1S!

 

4.4, 13556

1VE G1VEN UP ON F1ND1NG HER. 1 GUESS THEY TOOK HER TO A ZOOLOG1CAL MENAGER1E OR SOMETH1NG...

WE PRACT1CED W1TH THROW1NG HATCHETS TODAY... YEAH...

 

[no recorded date]

~~tHE A1R SMELL 1S AWFUL~~

 

5.sOMETH1NG, 13556

sTARTED US1NG LONG LANCES BUT WE HAD TO

 

5.11, 13556

1 FOUND pYRALSP1TE! sHE WAS G1VEN AS A MOUNT TO SOME MUTANT TEAL PHYS1C. cANT WA1T TO SEE HER... hER HANDLER CAN 1NST1LL SOME WE1RD ENDUR1NG CHUCKLEVOODOO-TYPE STUFF 1NTO AN1MALS... 1 CANT LET HER GO THROUGH THAT EVEN 1F HES GOOD TO HER... 1VE GOT TO HER HER BACK NO MATTER 1F 1T K1LLS ME... hER L1FE 1S WORTH MORE 1N GOLD THAN M1NE, ANYWAYS...

 

5.9, 13556

1 TALKED TO THAT PR1SSY TEAL TODAY. hES SUCH AN ARROGANT L1TTLE B*STARD... WOULDN'T EVEN LET ME SEE MY LUSUS BECAUSE SHES h1s COLOR BLOOD. hE TH1NKS SHE belongs TO H1M... hE ACTUALLY THREATENED ME SO 1 GOT ANGRY AND... K1NDA CHALLENGED H1M TO A DUEL... S1NCE 1M THE LOWBLOOD 1NST1GATOR, 1LL BE CULLED 1F 1 LOSE, NATURALLY... mAYBE 1 WAS TOO HASTY ABOUT TH1S...

 

5.8

1 SET UP THE DUEL W1TH tORONT nAV1TA. tHATS H1S NAME... tHE PR1CK ST1LL WOULDN'T LET ME SEE pYRAL, AND SNEERED AT ME FOR BEGG1NG H1M... tHE DUAL 1S GO1NG TO BE ON THE DARK OF THE PER1GEE. f1RST BLOOD... aLSO, WERE GO1NG TO HAVE A BUNCH OF AN1MALS 1N THE R1NG SO WE CAN DUKE 1T OUT PHYS1CALLY... 1M PRETTY NERVOUS ABOUT H1S.

 

5.4

tHAT GUY P*SSES ME OFF. 1 COULD SWEAR HE WAS TAK1NG EVERY TARGET JUST BEFORE 1 THREW AT 1T... wE WERE WORK1NG ON THROW1NG LANCES AND 1 HARDLY SCORED A S1NGLE H1T! not CH1LL.

 

5.2

tHE DUAL 1S TOMORROW N1GHT.

tHEY RAN OUT OF GRUBSAUCE FOR NEXT PER1GEE... jUST WHEN 1 STARTED TO L1KE 1T, TOO...

 

 

You tap your pen on the rim of the drawing pad that you are writing on. You really don't know what to say anymore. The fight is the next night and it's hard to think about anything else. You drop your head in your hands for a few moments before throwing down the inking stylus down in disgust. You snap your journal shut and storm out of your respiteblock.

You stow the writing stuff in your army-issued syalladex and trudge down the halls. Hardly anyone is awake at this hour, excepting yourself of course. Sunlight is pouring through the flimsy blinds on open window at the end of the hall. It hurts your eyes just to look at the glow on the ground.

For lack of anything better to do, you open the thin door to the lit yet dormant training arena and slide your wide rack of horns sideways through the arch like the suave guy you are. Bending over, you place in your hand the black-and-white lance you've grown slightly attached to, tossing the weight of it back and forth several times. You pick it up, lean back, and hurl it towards the nearest dummy. The pole satisfyingly sticks into the back of the dumbgrub at an unsatisfying angle. You frown and yank it back out again.

 _The problem_ , you think as your fling the lance into the resilient body over and over again, _is that your arms just aren't strong enough to throw_ _what should be a_ _jousting weapon_. Annoyed with the results of your efforts, you toss the heavy lance aside and pick up a set of daggers.

 

You stride to the wall and flip a switch up and on with the longest of the dull blades. A rusting robotic sparring partner ambles out of the corner, brandishing the knife it holds, supposedly threateningly. You work your way carefully, aware that it might easily leap from its decaying but highly functional legs and into your face. When it does, you duck and stab where the metal belly should be. It rolls as it hits the ground, and charges towards you.

You step lightly to the side and parry the blade it thrusts at you. Dodge, kick. _It's_ _almost too easy_ , you absentmindedly think as it flies across the room. It and its knife are up in a flash, swinging wildly at you. Loath as you are to do it, you take a step back against the flurry of attacks. While the metal hand is high in the air, you take a stab at its shoulder – unsuccessfully, but it knocks it off balance. You punch the emotionless tin can while it's open, move and swiftly kick it as it reels. Now that it's on the ground, you pin it down with your body and raise your knife – oh my god oUCH.

Something barrels _hard_ into you and CLAMPS onto your side with skewering teeth. You thrash in an attempt to pull it off, but the cold metal slips from your grasp and lands on the ground. You lunge at it with your dagger, only get punched by the other robot, now mobile again.

 

Fromm across the room Navita grins at you, remote in hand. You get strapped in the back by the training dummy, the blade it holds thankfully dull, if not enough to fail to puncture your skin. He nods at you and flips the switch again, powering the robots off – now merely loose shells of metal. You feel yourself growling at him as he walks over.

 

“Sup, Nitram? Looks like you got yourself blindsided there. Shguld be Mgre Carefuler“ It is way too early in the day for this h*fb*stsh*t now. You'd rather go through a horn transplant than this right now.

 

“Better not let that happen tonight. Not unless you completely fail to care about your life and ygur Venerable Draggn gf ygurs” Before you can brace yourself for his stupid verbal barbs, he's struck. Far too tired for this and unable to come up with a better response, you tiredly raise a beleaguered middle finger in his general direction.

“pLEASE JUST GO... aWAY.”

“What Happened tg Ygu? Couldn't be taught a lesson? I'm just helping you, gf Cgurse”

You glare at him from the other side of the arena, standing aside from you while leaning on the wall and twirling a long-handled daggerlance.

“Shut up. That wasn't a lesson... that was a total show of compete d*UCHEBAGGYNESS.”

“Come on. You know that could have Easily happened during the fight, and let's face it – Ygu'd be a LGT wgrse gff than right now if that happened then.”

He raises a blue eyebrow. “I think ygu Shguld be Thanking me“

Between his horrendous tone overuse and the stupid continuous deadpan, you think you might give HIM a horn operation.

“Save it for after the fight... when you're begging for mercy. Then I'll put up with you.”

He amusedly looks at you with evil in his eyes before turning away and walking out of the room in full laughter. He slams the door and tosses the acuate brand he was holding to you. You're smart enough to not try and catch it. Instead, you pull it out of the floor and return to pitching dull ones into a target on the wall.

 

5.1

sHOWT1ME.

 

You walk into the sparring arena, the stands sparsely filled with people. You opponent isn't there yet, though you're sure he'll arrive at literally the last possible moment. Like good members of the Alternian Military, the people of your training group never miss a good betting opportunity, and the clinking of silver and hardened gallium is carried down to you. You don't know who they're favoring,and you doubt you'd like to find out if you could know the answer.

Of course the spectators are not allowed to control the animals, but naturally no self respecting Troll would miss a chance to manipulate the odds to be [slightly] in their favor. Suffice it to say the fight promises be make for an interesting night.

Toront finally marches into the circle confidently. You glare at him from across the sand circle and you're pretty sure he's trying not to laugh at you for some reason or another, the stupid b*lgesucker.

 

The rules are briefly gone over, use only the weapons already in the arena, go till blood is drawn, not till death, or you'll be culled yourself.

Nine gates full of toothy animals open from the sides as a horn blares; you dive for the weapon rack. Even before you get there, you split your mind between your body and that of a saber toothed fangbeast.

As you pull out a black lance – haha, it's that one! – the other half of you charges at the tealblood, who is walking calmly to the weapons. Suddenly, you are plagued by a great fear _o_ _h god_ _get away_ that makes it hard to think _oh my god oh my god no_ and you writhe in both bodies. _stop no no no its coming for m_ _e_ You snap away from the fangbeast's mind and breathe deeply. You weren't expecting that.

 

The beasts unsuccessfully attempt to hide in the corners of the circle; that failing, they growl at you while retreating slowly. The little snob on the other side of the battle simply walks over to the rack and spends him time finding the weapon he wants to use.

Fed up, you throw the lance you hold at him. It nearly hits him, but he steps aside just in time for it to miss. You shriek at his smug smile and equip yourself with two daggers while he finally finds the weird gafferlance he's been looking for.

You'd charge towards him but for a horned barkfiend leaping at you. You duck and slice its belly as it narrowly sails over you. Green bloods spills over you – the white beast heaves on the ground behind you, but you hardly have time to sit up before you are smashed by a... thumbmenancebeast?

oH GOD THATS AN APE WHERE D1D AN APE COME FROM/p>

 

You try to control it without being scared sh*tless by the fear inside it and manage long enough to dash away and make the ape tackle the fangbeast. The saber tooth lashes out at you as you run past his cowering form, and nothing by drilled-in reflexes keep you from letting it nick your skin and end the deal. You leave a dagger in her paw and press on. Navita sends a lance in your direction which you fail to dodge fast enough to avoid having a chunk taken out of your horn. Painful as FUCK, but not bloody.

 

You throw your last knife at him – which he sidesteps – then you pick up the lance and run at him madly. Adeptly, he locks your dash with his gaffer-thingie, and the two of you face off among fearful animals turned violent.

You pull back and trust at him, doing your best to remember the lessons you've learned in the past perigees – making sure to keep your aim steady and controlled as you panic inside. It seems to work – you're pushing him towards the hissing pack of maddened animals while avoiding his attacks.

oNE MORE STEP, fOUR MORE BLOWS...

Suddenly, you're knocked to the ground as a mass of glassy-eyed white flies into you blindly. Toront takes the opportunity to pull the lance out of your hands and aim it at your chest.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

6.15, 13556

wAS THAT BLACK FL1RT1NG HE WAS DO1NG W1TH ME? hE MUST HAVE SOMETH1NG HE WANTS OUT OF ME... 1 HAVEN'T BEEN CULLED FOR LOS1NG, 1 TH1NK HE TOOK CARE OF THAT? tHE B*STARD ST1LL WONT G1VE pYRAL BACK THOUGH... god 1 hate h1m...!

 

6.12, 13556

tHAT GUY LOOKS SO SMUG WHENEVER 1 PASS H1M 1N THE HALL... 1'M PRETTY SURE HE BET A LOT ON H1MSELF BECAUSE HES FLAUNT1NG ALL SORT OF NEW OUTF1TS 1N THAT STUP1D TEAL-GREEN OF H1S. 1TS L1KE THE MORE OF H1S BLOOD COLOR HE CAN WEAR, THE BETTER HE TH1NKS HE 1S... jUST BECAUSE HES THE H1GHEST 1N TH1S SECT1ON OF THE rEAPERS... dOESNT MAKE H1M THE BEST ONE, YA KNOW? 1 WAS W1NN1NG, D*MM1T! tHEN SOME JERK HAD TO CHEAT JUST TO MAKE AN EXTRA BOON1E... 1 BROUGHT 1T UP AND HE GAVE ME THE F*NGER... 1 JUST TOLD H1M THAT [indecipherable scrawlings]

 

6.7

tORONT ASKED ME OUT ON A CANDLEL1GHT HATE DATE... hE MADE SURE TO SP1T 1N MY CUP – 1 SAW H1M DO1NG 1T QU1CKLY BEFORE 1 ENTERED... lUCK1LY THE GOBLET HAPPENED TO SP1LL ALL OVER H1S STUP1D SU1T. wHAT A SHAME. hA. hA.

 

7.14, 13556

tRA1N1NG 1S P1CK1NG UP... wE'RE ALL GO1NG TO BE G1VEN DED1CATED SPARR1NG PARTNERS... nATURALLY 1 CHOSE kALFUR JUST TO SP1TE tORONT. hE WAS TURN1NG BR1GHT BLUE 1N THE FACE... lOOKED L1KE ONE OF THOSE PLUSH BEASTS,AND 1 TOLD H1M SO. tHEN HE TURNED MORE BLUE... tHE WHOLE ROOM WAS LAUGH1NG AT THE 'Fineblggdedest gf them All' 1 TH1NK THAT HE TR1ED TO USE H1S POWERS ON US... oR SOMETH1NG, BECAUSE THERE WAS WE1RD STUFF GO1NG DOWN W1TH ALL THE AN1MALS... 1 COULD TELL...

aND THEN HE HAD AN EXPLOS1VE NOSEBLEED AND HAD TO MAKE A MAD DASH TO THE BATHROOM. 1 SWEAR HE WAS SO FUR1OUS HE COULDNT TALK... aT ONE PO1NT HE TR1ED AND ALL HE D1D WAS LOOK L1KE A BEACHED CHUMB*CKET.

jUST TH1NK1NG ABOUT 1T MAKES ME CRACK UP AGA1N... HAHAHAHAHA

 

7.6, 13556

a MEMBRAN1NG CREW CAME AROUND TO MAKE SOME PROPAVAGANZA MOV1ES, SO A COUPLE OTHER COMPAN1ES CAME OUT... 1 TH1NK WE ALL SAW JUST HOW BAD WE ACTUALLY ARE, ME ESPEC1ALLY...

1 HAVEN'T REALLY BEEN WR1T1NG VERY FREQUENTLY... sHEESH, 1 SHOULD TRY TO START UP AGA1N...

SO TODAY NOTH1NG MUCH HAPPENED... yESTERN1GHT MUST HAVE ALSO HAD AN EFFECT ON THE do BECAUSE HE WAS DR1V1NG US L1KE WE WERE SLAVES TODAY... yEAH, 1M SO T1RED R1GHT NOW...

 

7.2

1 HURT MY CLASPNUB 1N A SPAR W1TH kALFUR... N1CKED 1T UP PRETTY BADLY AND NOW 1TS 1N A RECUPERAT1ON B1ND. tORONT 1S G1V1N ME H*LL ABOUT 1T... jUST WONT SHUT UP!

1TS ALL WRAPPED UP R1GHT NOW, SO 1 WONT BE ABLE TO PRACT1CE W1TH MY STUP1D MOUNT... wHY WONT THAT ASSH*LE LET ME SEE pYRAL?

 

8.13

1M GO1NG TO HAVE TO START TH1NK1NG ABOUT A R1NG...

 

8.4, 13556

l1KE WOAH... 1 REALLY HAVE BEEN FALL1NG BEH1ND W1TH TH1S...

SO WERE LEAV1NG FOR THE COLONY 1N A COUPLE OF N1GHTS... 1 GAVE tORONT H1S k1SMET R1NG TH1S DUSK, BUT THEN WE TRA1NED UNT1L DAWN CONT1NUOUSLY AND 1N THE OUTDOORS... wE HAD TO WORK 1N THE SUN A B1T AND WE WERE ALL REALLY T1RED... eVERYONE AND THE1R BARKBEAST, OR WHATEVER MOUNT THEY HAD WAS BURNT...

s1NCE 1T WAS OUTDOORS, THE DRAGONS COULD TRA1N W1TH THE REST OF US... ~~tHERES~~ ~~L1KE L1TERALLY FOUR 1N THE ENT1RE~~ ~~HERE~~

1 SAW ONLY ONLY FOUR TO REPRESENT THE ENT1RE cALVEREAPER FORCE ON aLTERN1A... AND pYRALSP1TE 1S THE OLDEST AND PROUDEST OF ALL OF THEM. 1 HAVE TO ADM1T THAT tORONT 1S DO1NG GOOD WORK W1THER HER... BUT 1M ST1LL SURE THAT HE WAS FLAUNT1NG HER 1N FRONT OF ME! 1 JUST KNOW 1T. tHATS WHO 1M SUPPOSED TO BE R1D1NG, NOT SOME LAME STUP1D AQUAT1C TOOTHBEAST!

 

8.2

wE LEAVE 1N TWO N1GHTS.

 

8.1

wE LEAVE TOMORROW N1GHT... 1 'GOT' MY R1NG FROM tORONT... HA, HA HA. sO 1 GUESS WERE OFF1C1ALLY TOGETHER NOW...

sO TH1S MEANS THAT 1 CAN BREAK H1S ARM AND HE DOESNT NEED TO 1NVOKE THE sPADE aCTS. tHE STUP1D R1NG HE GAVE ME 1S JUST gaudy W1TH H1S BLUE, UNL1KE THE STYL1SH CONTEMPORARY R1NG 1 HAD ORDERED. tHE WHOLE TH1NG 1S TH1S FLOWERY, ORNATE, TROLL gOTH1C-1SH M1DDLE F1NGER RA1SED AT ME... l1KE L1TERALLY. hES GOT A STATUE OF A HAND FL1PP1NG ME OFF ON TOP OF 1T... aPPROPR1ATE 1 GUESS, BUT 1T JUST MEANS 1 CAN 1NSULT THREE T1MES 1NSTEAD OF JUST TW1CE AT THE SAME T1ME... 1M GO1NG TO G1VE H1M ONE AGA1N TODAY BEFORE WE MOVE OUT...

 

9.16

mARCH1NG ORDERS CAME AND WERE ALL ONBOARD THE SH1P TO cA1SAE. 1 PA1LED tORONT YESTERDAY... tHAT DAY WAS SUCH A MESS OF BL1SSFUL DARK EMOT1ONS 1 DONT KNOW WHERE TO START... 1 KNOW FOR SURE 1LL NEVER FORGET 1T SO 1 GUESS 1 WONT EVEN START TO TRY AND RECOUNT 1T...

tHE ONLY WE1RD TH1NG 1S THAT HE D1SCOVERED THESE WE1RD TENDER SPOTS ON BY BACK... mUCH TO H1S ADVANTAGE... hA. 1D GET THEM CHECKED BUT THE mED1TEARER 1S ALREADY BUSY AND 1F 1TS SOME K1ND OF S1CKNESS 1 DONT WANT TO BE CULLED JUST FOR 1T...

 

9.14

tHE A1R ST1NKS ON TH1S SH1P.

 

9.11

pS1ON1C WARP SUCKS... 1 WANT TO VOM1T ALL OVER AGA1N.

 

9.7

sT1LL WA1T1NG TO LAND. wHY 1S TH1S SO HARD...

 

9.3

f1NALLY! cA1SAE 1S PRETTY RAD, BUT ALL THE FLORA 1S TRY1NG TO D1GEST ME...

 

10.2

1 HAVEN'T GOTTEN TO WR1TE 1N HERE FOR SO LONG... 1'VE BEEN SO BUSY BU1LD1NG AND MOV1NG 1NTO NEW QUARTERS... 1'M NOT REALLY USED TO TH1S COLD WEATHER, 1 CAN HARDLY EVER GET WARM ANYMORE. 1T DOESN'T HELP THAT MY RAW BACK 1S SENS1T1VE TO THE COLD A1R... 1'D GET 1T CHECKED OUT BUT tORONT SAYS NOT TOO, AND AGA1NST MY BETTER JUDGMENT 1'M L1STEN1NG... 1 WONDER 1F HES GOT A NEFAR1OUS PAN OR 1S CONCERNED ABOUT H1S K1SMES1S FOR ONCE...

 

11.4

f1N1SHED BU1LD1NG THE QUARTERS... tHERE 1SN'T ANY ROOM FOR MY FA1RY POSTERS!

 

[undated]

oH GOD.

oh god. 1 HAVE W*NGS.

 

[unintelligible date, possibly either 11.2 or 12.15]

mY BACK 1S BLOODY AND SORE BUT 1 HAVE TO JUST LET tORONT WRAP 1T UP AND KEEP TRA1N1NG... tH1S 1S HORR1BLE... 1'M RELY1NG ON MY K1SMET TO KEEP FROM BE1NG CULLBA1T... wORSE RELAT1ONS 1 COULD LEAN ON, 1'M SURE. hOW W1LL 1 F1GHT? hOW W1LL 1 SURV1VE F1GHT1NG?

 

12.12

tORONT 1S AWFUL. sOMET1MES 1 W1SH HE'D JUST TELL THE cH1EF mED1TEARER HERE AND GET ME CULLED THAN CONT1NUOUSLY HOLD1NG OVER MY HEAD HOW ~~MANG1MOM1NOUS~~ MAGNAN1MOUS HE'S BE1NG.

a PATROL LEFT AND NEVER CAME BACK... eVERYONES GETT1NG ALL K1NDS OF READY TO F1GHT BUT 1'M JUST K1NDA SCARED... wHAT 1F 1 HAVE TO K1LL SOMEONE?

 

12.11

c1TY WAS RA1DED... 1'M MOV1NG OUT R1GHT NOW AND AM WR1T1NG TH1S WH1LE WALK1NG. 1 GET THE FEEL1NG 1'LL HAVE A WE1RD tWELFTH pER1GEE'S...

 

[undated]

nO.

 

12.5

hES DEAD. hAHAHA, 1T FEELS SO WE1RD TO WR1TE THAT!

hES DEAD.

hES DEAD AND 1T'S MY FAULT AND HE LEFT ME pYRALSP1TE.

 

12.1

mY DEAD k1SMET GAVE ME A DRAGON FOR THE tWELFTH. 1 WONDER 1F HE PLANNED 1T L1KE THAT? tHAT'D BE THE K1ND OF TH1NG HE'D LOVE TO DO, JUST TO SCREW W1TH ME.

bYE, MY SNOOTY TEALBLOOD.

1 DON'T KNOW WHAT TO WR1TE.

yOU WERE THE WORST TH1NG TO EVER HAPPEN TO ME

aND 1 TOTALLY D1DN'T SEE YOU COM1NG

bUT 1 WOULDN'T W1SH 1T ANY OTHER WAY.

tHANKS FOR EVERYTH1NG.

<3<

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [MINUS ONE FANTROLL. 611.9999999999 TRILLION LEFT TO GO]


	8. circumstantial obligation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NOW PLAYING: Eridan Ampora has a dysfunctional relationship with his ex, SERIOUS ashen relationship is SERIOUS, and Feferi Pexies finds out that it's hard starting rebellions with a sense of morality. It's hard and nobody really understands.
> 
> Written with saccharineSylph and her request for strong Feferi in mind, so more oneshotty than not.

_The little grub spun and pupated for the first time before proceeding to make his way through the Trial Chambers. Once he emerged from the other end, he passed through the robots which had long since replaced the adults who used to examine every wriggler. His mutated blood was sampled and categorized, found to be different. Being not a dangerous fault – indeed a discrepancy nobody had ever seen before – he was passed through without automatic culling. In the meantime, his slot in the vast database of all citizens of the Alternian Empire was flagged for further investigation, and his sigil computation withheld._

~~~~~

_"ocean puns are da ultunate exfishion a bass an nobilesea an motherfuckin —EV—ERO—EYON—E who shrimps otherwise fin go KRILL themshellves in a GLUBBIN S)(ARK—ET oar be shore tha ill be clammin you MYS)(—ELF!"_

-Her Imperious Condescension

~~~~~

Your name is Eridan Ampora.

So this is what it's like to be in space, huh. Frankly, it's not that different from being on Alternia, except with more floating, which honestly isn't doing anything good for your stomach. Well, they assured you that it would end soon, anyways. Bluh. When it finally does and you have all limbs back on theoretically solid ground, the elevator has stopped, and you take a moment to peer out the window at the dark ground. Your beautiful grey planet shines slightly beneath you, seas and earth alike lit from the sky.

The over-plated guards part for you as you lead your testing group through the door and onboard the space station like the royalty you are. Ganissiae, the greatest of the great seadweller stations, spins above the planet's surface. And you are in it. Always, you had admired from the ground below, the shining speck that was one of Trolldom's finest achievements. Now you were standing onboard the star of your dream, two feet in the water that filled all but the furthest decks.

With only a little hesitance, you follow your fellow seadwellers into the gorgeous liquid. This had got to be the best water you'd ever tasted in Alter- off Alternia, for all that you missed the familiar feeling of your cape slowing you down behind you, but sacrifices have to be made, you know? Everywhere there is a whirlpool of liquid chirps, black skin, various shades of violet, the occasional glub resonating between the bodies. Everything is so alive, so wet, so rich and immersed with such a feeling of undeniable purposelessness.

You hated it.

Your gills still sting slightly, and although you're luckily not bleeding, you are pretty sure that someone is gonna notice. The card in your hand had a number and letter on it. N three double one. The thing looked like pretty much any keycard you'd ever had the pleasure of looking at, so you charted your course for the nearest map of the station. The beautiful script of Old Alternian, which you pride yourself on being able to read quickly, is everywhere, announcing everything from horn styling to abstract art displays. Actually, those two things were pretty similar.

The bubbling crowd of dark adults is getting thicker as you approach the middle of the deck, where the elevator seems to be. Stupid old crusties completely ignore you. Well, if they wanna play hardball, it's hardball they're gonna get. You charge into one, knocking her aside and find yourself a few strokes ahead and absolutely astounded by the weight and age in her skin alone. All the people around have been alive for sweeps and sweeps, practically immortal till they go out in a blaze of glory. You'll be around just as long as they have been, at least if you've got any say in it.

 _Then_ , you consider as you step into the rushing current – shit, this is reelly fun – _ther_ _e_ _'s Feferi,_ _w_ _who'll be liv_ _v_ _ing for_ _nigh_ _on_ _forev_ _v_ _er_. So no matter how many of thousands of sweeps you might be around, she could live an infinity more. It's a weird thought, but it's no thought you haven't had before. You're on pretty good terms with that particular thought, if 'ignoring until the next millennium' is pretty good terms.

Your self mocking reverie is interrupted by being shot sideways out of the long tube and a harsh “You are now on the N deck”, announced by a nasty feminine voice. “Enjoy your stay and no littering on any terms.”

This is much more peaceful compared to the melee of deck... was it G? It's much more like you prefer – quiet, solitary, and altogether a good place for moping on demand. It's the rich set of living quarters – you can tell from the fact that the doors are spaced a good 80 paces apart. You wander, admiring the plated 'wild' life and coral arrangements, until you find the door marked 311.

The door slides open without nary a vibration or current when you throw the keycard at it. As you walk through, yet another rough female voice informs you pseudo-politely that you ought to stand still in the frame for a while, to which you grudgingly comply. Not much sense in arguing with a robot. But seriously, what's this supposed to do. You aren't maid of time, or anything silly like... Okay, that felt sorta weird. You are 'requested' to move on through. And it... huh. Supposedly it will open for you and you only, thanks to your physic signature. Sweet.

You nod approvingly at the closed door, and walk further into your new quarters. Thank Cod, here you can drain the water. It does so quickly, and you use your worried lungs again. Much betta. You wander through the rooms, finding little gems such as a library already stocked with the great classics, a top-of-the-line grubset, a marvelous 'coon, a sweet space view, though you can't seem to find any blinds for the life of you, and what both you and your posterior have decided is the best chair ever. You flat out refuse to move for the next hour, and anyone who thinks otherwise will find themselves lookin at the wrong end of the Crosshairs.

Your sopping clothes are tossed lazily over the side of some kind of flash dryer, and you are enjoying the good life. You ordered practically a whole buffet – when your blood's this high, who ever cares about money? Not you, that's for sure. Anything's practically free for you, as are you from anything else right now. You have none of the obligations. Seadwellers don't have to serve in the army, not that you could find one that wouldn't swear up and down that they had willingly, you only took the test because you were curious, your Lusus ain't here yet, you don't have to feed Fef's – haven't had to for a couple of sweeps now – and nobody is worried about you except for the bouy with the food who will need you to open the door. Yep, this is the life.

Ain't nobody worried about you and you ain't worried about anyone else.

Well, maybe you're concerned for a _few_ _w_ other people, but that's not really what we're talkin' about here. Also from somewhere in your massive syalladex, either Kar, Fef, or both are contacting you but they'll have to wait because you are not giving a single care.

~~~~~

*THUD*

Oh dammit. Your pry yourself s-low-ly off the lovely cushions, and open a door you didn't even realize you had. Behind it stands an airlock, and behind that, a whole SWWARM of adult green and teal and everything between bloods, each armed with a heavy metal box.

You glare at them invading your sanctity, inviting them to drop their cargo and rush back out through the door. Forced to carry five at a time – why the hell didn't they stay an help you? – you find yourself fighting a losing struggle with an artificial psionic gravity and the weight of whatever is in the heavy boxes. Sometimes, despite your Superior Seadweller Strength™, you still start wishing that you had some psionic powers, because lowblooded and despicably LANDWWELLER as they are, they sure could come in handy to augment your muscles. _Noww is one of those times,_ you think as you trip ungracefully over a gilded doorstop and send thick purple doorstoppers flying everywhere.

~~~~~

Inside the boxes, you discover from the safety of the Seat, are a plethora of partially filled journals filled with your blood color and almost your quirk and the details of tactical problems and detailed comparisons of hair gels. …actually all this stuff is possibly the boring shit you've ever had the displeasure of reading. Basically all that's in it, from what you can tell, is failed plants to woo Her Imperious Condescension, a couple hundred somebody elses, or how he took advantage of some slave or bluh bluh can't give a single care right now. You toss the journal down in disgust. Well, at least you are now officially known as Dualscar's descendant, whatever good that is, and as such are entitled to all his ancient junk, which apparently is mostly bad novels, shoddy journals, and and a whole bunch of ship records and tools and battle maps.

You cease rifling though the boxes to slowly unfold one of the yellowed pages of purple and green text overlaying an articulately-drawn map. _This_ , you think to yourself in the minutes you spend poring over it and its kin, _might be the most interestin_ _stuff_ _he owned._ _W_ _w_ _ell, aside from his gun, that_ _is_ , you hastily add. _But I found that ages ago in a_ _shipw_ _w_ _reck_ _,_ _so it doesn't really count._ You compare the date on the paper you are currently looking at to the dates on a little information printout about your ancestor – apparently this map was made in his first two centuries, about fifteen sweeps before he met Mindfang.

The battle map, which seemed to be d the planning ground for a large counterattack against one landdweller navy or another, looked like it had been used during and after the battle. A battle succeeded, you confirm by going through the notes and journals for a couple more minutes. Really, the war against the 'pirates' may have only ceased before completely wiping out any land glubber ports because of the fact that he was so enamored with VK's ancestor. _Ironic_ , you think to yourself, then reconsider. Troll irony doesn't work that way.

After spending far too long looking over the boxes – there was more in them than you'd have suspected, you only interrupt yourself when your pissed-off stomach begins giving hatching grunts. You realize just how hungry you are when you get your nose out of your ancestor's logs and wonder what happened to the buffet you ordered. Like about to eat the next person that enters the room hungry – you can't really remember the last time you ate. What time is it anyways?

You look around, confused, noting that the windows have blackened over – presumably to protect you from the direct sun outside of Alternia's shadow. Gosh, is it really that late? A clock behind you makes its presence known by announcing the time – a full five hours after you got onboard. So where's the food, anyways? You wander through the halls of the place, only getting lost once, until you find the food, practically coating the kitchen – every counter covered with plates and ridiculously beautiful dishes – and all cold.

(( Oh gosh here : go why am : do:ng th:s to myself... ))

You glance from the plate heaped with cakes of woven julienned vegetables and flash fried calamari to the gigantic stuffed and grilled grouper on a bed of kelp and yellow citrusfruit – nope, that's a layer of East Alternian seafood rolls it's laid over. ((Th:s :s mak:ng me really, REALLY hungry r:ght now. :C )) And they're those breaded ones with the sea cucumber around it. From the looks of it, this meal is designed to be eaten underwater, also – almost everything dry is coated in a savory sauce which formed a ultra-thin crust keeping it crunchy. That's just one of the dishes. There's like four more plates full of food on this scale of mouthwatering, and way too many appetizers and side dishes to count- each could be a meal by themselves.

…

Looking around the room, you feel really, really stupid. If it's even possible to be sarcastic with a presentation, whoever brought the food has got it nailed. They even left the microwave oven door hanging open. Shucks, you hardly even knew what you were ordering. You sigh deeply and grab the nearest plate, not bothering to try and identify whatever deliciousness is upon it, and throw it into the open oven. Four minutes, you take a steaming pile of now-mushy and limp food out, groan at it, and decide you'd better eat it. Besides, you think you smell shellfish somewhere in the goulash. You love shellfish.

~~~~~

That... wasn't the best meal you've ever eaten, even though you knew it could have been, provided it wasn't left out to be cooled and reheated. Anyways, you now have more food than you know what to do with, and quite frankly, it isn't all fitting in the fridge. Whatever, there better not be any rats here – you'll just leave it out for the day. You are going to sleep. Now.

Stepping into your recuperacoon makes you painfully aware of every cut and bruise you suffered over the course of the day. Hissing through your teeth, you reach out and crank the sopor dial up. Within minutes, you are asleep, and suffer no day horrors.

~~~~~

An ear piercing noise ringing out of your syalladex and through your whole body, violently jolting you halfawake. You nearly jump out of the _( lov_ _v_ _ely, luscious)_ coon at the sound, and manage to dump nearly a third of the stuff you carry around while you fumble clumsily through your syalladex in an attempt to find the offending object. Finally gaining full consciousness, you find yourself staring down your grubphone while hanging half out of your recuperacoon and miscellaneous items littering the floor in a five dronestride radius.

It's still blaring it's ear murdering noise until you flip it open, to find your screen painted with an unpleasant note colored in mustard text.

“hey fii2hfiins”

You poke at the screen to bring up a new message, still totally dominating your phone.

“kk and ff were telliing me how they wernt 2ure you 2tiil were aliive”

Tap.

“2o ii wrote thii2 liittle program two bla2t your dumb a22 awake”

Frown and tap.

“next tiime thiink about your quadrent2 before takiing your beauty 2leep”

Frustrated, tired groan.

“youre welcome”

Stupid asshole didn't give your screen back – all you can get to is photos of bees. No good lousy pissblood hijacking your phone. You figure the only way you might get him to call the virus off is by contacting Karkat or him directly, but Feferi comes first.

  
Regardless of any assistance a particular hacker might have given you, you feel like shit for treating her this way. Guiltily, you find another phone, log onto Trollian, and are immediately bombarded by windows of walls of pink and grey and blue text. You kill Vris and Kar's windows, instead reading all that Fef's left you.

\--\- cuttlefishCuller [CC] BEGAN trolling caligulasAquarium [CA] \--

CC: -ERIDAN!

CC: ----ERIDAN!!!!!

CC: You were superc)(ed to CONTACT M-E!

CC: -Eridan w)(at A-RE YOU DOING???

CC: T)(is is NOT A GAM-E!!!!

CC: You could )(ave been taken out by laug)(sassins or WORS---E!

CC: You were supposed to s)(ell me as soon as you W--ER--E ONBOARD!!!!!

CC: Remember?

CC: You told me yours)(elf you were going to be RIG)(T T)(-ER-E at my DORM!

CC: Stupid BRAIND----EAD FROND being an BASS)(OL--E!!!!!!!!!!

CC: -----Eridan please just B----------------E okay!

CC: …

CC: -Eridan, I'm R---E---ELY worried!

CC: Didn't you agree to meet me at my quarters?

CC: ASDFG)(AHRARRRR

CC: I )(ope your STUPID FACE is OKAY!!!!!!!

\-- cuttlefishCuller [CC] CEASED trolling caligulasAquarium [CA] \--

Ugg. You were going to talk to her, but you got distracted. Well, let's see what she's said in the next window.

\-- cuttlefishCuller [CC] BEGAN trolling caligulasAquarium [CA] \--

CC: -Eridan, I am so WORRI---ED atrout you I am going to COMPL-ET-ELY forget about you and B-ER-E-EF that you are all okay and have just forgotten.

CC: Therefore, I am going to BUG you for your K---EYCARP as much as I can!

CC: -Eridan, w)(at's your room number?

CC: )(as your stuff come Y---ET???

CC: W)(o's your ancestor?

CC: I guess we already knew t)(at, t)(oug)(.

CC: SO W)(AT'S YOUR ROOM NUMB-ER???

CC: -EROEDAN, ---EITH---ER you are a dead fis)(, or you are a nasty troll w)(o doesn't care about )(is FRI-ENDS AT ALL.

CC: And either option makes me F-E-EL PR---ETTY BAD.

CC: 38(

\-- cuttlefishCuller [CC] CEASED trolling caligulasAquarium [CA] \--

\-- cuttlefishCuller [CC] BEGAN trolling caligulasAquarium [CA] \--

CC: -Eridan you'd betta be alive!

CC: because I R--E--ELY want to FLAY you ALIV---E RIG)(T NOW!!!!CC: Glub glub glub!!!

CC: ARUGG!

CC: I can't decide if I )(AT---E platonically you or would platonically PITY you to death!

CC: BUT YOU MAK----E ME---E SO FISHTRAT----ED!!!!!

CC: KNOW T)(AT ONC-E I'M DON-E WIT)( YOU -EV-ERYON-E WILL BE PITYING YOU.

CC: >38E

\-- cuttlefishCuller [CC] CEASED trolling caligulasAquarium [CA] \--

You... think that might be a sign that she might let you back into her quadrants?

\-- cuttlefishCuller [CC] BEGAN trolling caligulasAquarium [CA] \--

CC: I've talked to sole many people today.

CC: All for your sake, too.

CC: Remember Sollux, the yellowblood you told me about FOR-EV-ER ago?

CC: Well, I )(ad to carp on -Equius, w)(o sent me to VRISKA, w)(o sent me to ARADIA, w)(o finally sent me to SOLLUX.

CC: And then I B-EGG-ED him to find SOM-E way to c)(eck on you!

CC: Can't sea I know if )(e will, but it's wort)( a S)(OT!!!!!

CC: Now I know just )(ow muc)( you said you dislike )(im, so t)(at makes M-E dislike )(im by D---EFAULT.

CC: So you can sea just )(ow D--ESP--ERAT---ELY I'm DR-EDGING for you.

CC: BY------E! >38)

\-- cuttlefishCuller [CC] CEASED trolling caligulasAquarium [CA] \--

Sollux. You thought you knew that quirk and color from somewhere before. If you thought he was annoying before, now you really have a reason to dislike him.

\-- cuttlefishCuller [CC] BEGAN trolling caligulasAquarium [CA] \--

CC: I'm going to coral -EV-ERY ten minutes for t)(e R-EST of T)(E DAY In case you aren't asleep rig)(t now.

CC: -ERIDAN are you T)(-ER-E?

\-- cuttlefishCuller [CC] CEASED trolling caligulasAquarium [CA] \--

\-- cuttlefishCuller [CC] BEGAN trolling caligulasAquarium [CA] \--

CC: -ERIDAN ARE YOU T)(-ER-E?

\-- cuttlefishCuller [CC] CEASED trolling caligulasAquarium [CA] \--

\-- cuttlefishCuller [CC] BEGAN trolling caligulasAquarium [CA] \--

CC: --------ERIDAN!

\-- cuttlefishCuller [CC] CEASED trolling caligulasAquarium [CA] \--

\-- cuttlefishCuller [CC] BEGAN trolling caligulasAquarium [CA] \--

CC: GLUB GLUB MISTER.

CC: 38(

\-- cuttlefishCuller [CC] CEASED trolling caligulasAquarium [CA] \--

\-- cuttlefishCuller [CC] BEGAN trolling caligulasAquarium [CA] \--

CC: GRUMPY GILLS ANSW-ER M-E.

\-- cuttlefishCuller [CC] CEASED trolling caligulasAquarium [CA] \--

~~~~~

This goes on for a long time. She really did keep it up for hours before she gave up on you and finally went to sleep or whatever.

  
You feel like the most disgusting pile of fermented hoofbeast excrement that anyone every had the displeasure of feeling like. Wait, she's sent you more messages while you were reading the old ones.

\-- cuttlefishCuller [CC] BEGAN trolling caligulasAquarium [CA] \--

CC: W)(Y )(AV-EN'T YOU CONTACTED M--E YET???

CC: I SW—EAR, If you aren't dead I'll KRILL YOU!!!!

CC: 38O

\-- cuttlefishCuller [CC] CEASED trolling caligulasAquarium [CA] \--

Gulp. Here goes.

\-- caligulasAquarium [CA] BEGAN trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC] \--

CA: yeah im here fef

CA: reel sorry about not talkin to you but i got sorta off course

CA: but still i feel like i wwanna take a fork an shovve it

CA: so please put the 2xthreedent dowwn a just relax a little bit

CA: fef are you there?

CC: Y----ES!! I'M H---ER---E >38O

CC: You STUPID FUCK-ER, w)(at did you T)(INK YOU W-----ER-----E DOING?!?!?

CA: like i said im reel sorry fef

CC: -ERIDAN

CC: I am going to come over.

CC: AND SLIC-E YOUR UGLY )(-EAD OFF MY S)(ELLF!!!

CC: I AM SO WORRI-ED ABOUT YOU!!!!!

CA: um

CC: AR-E YOU OKAY?!?!?

CA: wwell yeah

CC: You didn't get MAUL---ED or B---E)(-EAD_ED or IMPAL---ED????

CA: a least the last time i checked

CA: no

CA: none of those things

CC: R--E--ELY???

CA: reely

CC: SO W)(Y DIDN'T YOU COMMUNICATE WIT)( M-E, MUC)( L---ESS WALK TO MY DORM AND ACTUALLY TALK WIT)( M----------------E?????

CC: There were like FIV-----E levels of capslock on the last word, successively getting bigger.

CC: BUT CAPSLOCK ALON---E cannot ----EXPR----ESS just )(OW STORMING MAD I AM WIT)( YOU!!!!!!

CC: >>38I

CC: -----ERIDAN R—ESPOND TO ME NOW.

CA: sorry fef

CA: i just

CA: uh

CA: shit

CA: can i just start by sayin

CA: i am REALLY sorry?

CA: like as sorry as the abyss is deep kinda sorry?

CA: because there arnt many wwords for howw much i fucked up on this one

CC: YOU'RE SUR---E RIG)(T T)(---ER--E ARN'T!!!!!

CC: >38E

CA: glub

CC: YOU HAV-E NO! GLUBBING RIG)(TS RIG)(T NOW!!!!!!!!!

CC: NON------------E AT ALL!!!!!!

CA: uhh...

CA: knowwin you feferi

CA: im gonna hazard a guess an say you were yellin aloud evvery word you just typed

CC: )(-EY!!!

CA: so in the favvor a not wwakin the wwhole station at this fuckin ungodly hour

CA: perhaps you could try calmin dowwn your tits a little

CA: not that i got any rights to be tellin you to calm dowwn right noww that is

CC: ARUGGGG

CC: -ERIDAN. Did you know just )(OW WORRI-ED I was about you?

CC: And then to find out t)(at all t)(at flurry was just because you )(ad FALL-EN ASL---E--------EP?!??!

CC: I )(AV-E ----EV-----ERY RIG)(T TO B-----E ANG---------ERY!!!!!

CA: youre right but it might not be such good rep if youre still gonna try an overtake the empress

CA: SIG)(.

CA: Do you know just )(ow )(ard it is dealing with your s)(it -EV-ERY single nig)(t?

CA: wwell as much as i appreciate it (wwhich i really do) nobody evver said you havve to put up wwith me at all

CC: Playing the self-sacrificial role, )(u)(?

CA: no i mean it

CA: because i really am glad to havve you for a friend fef

CA: but if you cant put up wwith my bullshit then dont think ya havve to

CA: an i mean just stop wworryin about me

CA: wwell just part wways

CC: -Eridan s)(ut up.

CA: sorry

CC: AND STOP APOLOGIZING!!!!!!!

CA: sorry

CC: 38|

CA: look can wwe just meet a your place an talk this out in person?

CC: NO, I'm on my way to an -EX-ECUTIV-E FUNCTION rig)(t now.

CA: oh

CC: AND I ALR-EADY TOLD YOU THAT.

CC: THAT'S W)(Y I WANT-ED YOU TO COM-E OVER BEFOR-------E!!!!!!

CA: really? wwhen?

CC: -Eridan, t)(e last time I've been t)(is angry wit)( you is W)(--EN I B----EACHED YOU.

CA: yeah

CA: wwell i dont see wwhy if i really upset you this much you dont just forget about me

CC: UGGGGGG)(.

CC: I'm FIS)(TRATED BECAUSE I CAR-E ABOUT YOU -ERIDAN.

CC: DO I )(AV-E TO S)(---ELL IT OUT FOR YOU, BECAUSE-E T)(-ER-E IT IS!

CA: oh

CC: OH IS RIG)(T.

CC: >38C

CC: …

CC: Do you -EV-EN CAR---E about M-E?

CA: yeah of course i care about you fef

CC: Color me caug)(t SUPRIS-ED.

CA: fef im REALLY sorry

CC: I already shoaled you, -Eridan, I DON'T FUCKING WANT YOUR APOLOGI---ES!

CA: please let me havve one more change to come clean before you

CA: look i really screwed up here

CA: i wwas ignorin you an kar an just sittin my sorry damn ass down an getting my chill on

CA: all i was doin was enjoyin the good life an forgettin about you

CA: an there arent any reasons why you should take me back

CA: because ive been trying to push it aside but this is kinda a regular thing from me

CC: YOU GOT T)(AT RIG)(T!

CA: an its not like were moirails anymore but i still hope were still good friends

CA: so if youd just accept this apology

CA: now i dont mean that youd take me back

CA: just accept that i really am regretful of my mistake an am not in any way tryin to say that im defendin myself

CA: fef

CC: I don't know.

CA: please forgivve me

CC: I'm still mad at you.

CA: i knoww you are but please just a least SAY you do so i can rest easy

CC: And w)(at about M-E?

CA: look i know i messed up

CA: i just dont wwant to havve hurt you fef

CA: itd be like bein cut in half if you were injured in any wway

CA: an especially if i did it

CA: id think id lost my mind

CA: an i guess thats wwhat i did do

CA: i lost my mind to myself an wwas only focused on wwhat made me feel good

CA: so please just forgivve me

CA: evven if you dont really mean it at least i wwill know i didnt hurt you

CC: You didn't )(urt me t)(is one time.

CC: It's more like a GROUP-ER of events w)(ic)( leaves me having to second guess my WORRI-ES because I don't know if you are just being a BASSHOL-E again.

CA: im really gonna try to change fef

CA: the covvers havve been lifted from my eyes an i can see just howw awwful i really wwas to you

CA: please dont hold anythin against me an let me try aneww

CC: -Eridan do you reelly mean it?

CA: a course i do wwhy wwould i not be totally honest?

CC: I don't know,

CA: yeah?

CC: It's just that you N-EV-ER apologized for w)(at you said to me w)(en we stopped being moirails.

CC: And it still )(urts, and I guess that eit)(er you are a really dull per)(son or you don't R-EALLY M--EAN w)(at you said about not )(urting me.

CA: you mean wwhat i said about bein glad wwhen your lusus wwas dead?

CC: >38|

CA: wwell shit

CA: i mean i still think it wwas for the best in the long run but i guess im gonna apologize noww since i didnt before

CC: ...

CA: im sorry for bein inconsiderate

CA: i wwas bein once again a glowwin example of a complete jerk an a fine model a a perfect asshole an a total nooksucking shitbag

CA: noww that my egos been taken dowwn as many notches as the stick in my ass

CA: please forgivve me this again an wwipe me clean

CC: Do you TRU-ELY mean it?

CA: yeah i do

CC: )(mmmm...

CC: I guess I will accept your apology.

CA: thank you fef you got no idea howw much this means for me

CA: i could wwrite entire sonnets an poems about the feelins that your acceptance a me has bestowwed upon my feeble heart

CC: Your life is a complete and utter s)(ipwreck, -Eridan.

CA: an still they wwouldnt realize just howw much it acutally meant itd just be a mere imitation a the real truth a the PURE JOY wwith wwhich I havve been ovvertaken by

CA: thanks?

CA: maybe

CA: i think

CC: CAS-E IN POINT. 38\

CA: hey i thought you forgavve me

CC: I did...

CA: so wwhy the harsh retorts

CC: Just t)(e facts. 38)

CA: uhh okay ill go wwith that

CC: So w)(y are you so -EXCIT-ED t)(at I forgave you?

CA: uh because you did

CC: So

CA: wwell i guess its because t kneww that i wwas bein an ass towwards you dont wworry im not THAT much a a nookhead

CA: an so i guess im glad that you took me back

CA: but dont take this the wwrong wway wwhen i ask wwhy?

CC: I

CC: I just wanted to know.

CC: I mean...........

CA: yeah?

CC: You do CAR-E for me, -Eridan?

CA: feferi realize that i mean it from evvery fiber of myself wwhen i say

CA: i really do care for you feferi an id nevver let anythin hurt you

CA: an ill alwways be by your side an be your shinin prince ready to support you in wwhatevver you decide to do

CC: T)(ank you.

CA: huh

CC: T)(at... means a W)(AL--E lot to me.

CC: 38)

CA: thats good to hear

CC: And I'm sorry for blowing up on you.

CC: I mean even though you are a total jerk, it was really rat)(er rude of me to just V-ENT at you like t)(at.

CA: aww its okay fef no hard feelins

CC: T)(ank you.

CC: I wouldn't want to lose you, -Eridan.

CC: I mean I know by now t)(at I'm not pale for you, and as muc)( as you were sorry to )(ear it, I'm not FLUS)(--ED for you at all.

CA: heh yeah

CA: im rather glad wwe got that one sorted out

CC: So even t)(out)( we aren't in pity, still know t)(at you mean a lot to me.

CA: yeah were not in pity

CA: i think the proper term for somethin like this is to say the parties are in 'cahoots'

CC: CA)(OOTS??

CC: 38P

CA: yes wwe are in utter cahoots

CC: I s)(ould like to say we're FRI-ENDS!

CA: noww wwe all knoww by noww that friendship is a dangerous an highly contagious troll disease

CA: this is cahootship true an simple wwhich wwe are partakers in

CC: Aren't you supperched to be in ca)(oots for a -E-ELSON?

CA: I havve exactly no idea HOWW you made that pun wwork but yeah youre right

CA: so therefore i pronounce that wwe are in cahoots to take down our dear imperious bitch an havve fun wwhile were doin it

CC: -Eridan is this the encrypted network?!?

CA: no this chat isnt

CA: but dont wworry theres so much drama in this log any censor wwould be runnin to the restroom for a fedora to barf in

CC: Reely now.

CA: a course wwhat could go wwrong?

CC: )(ee )(ee, I guess you're rig)(t. But if we're going to )(ave th)(is talk now we s)(ould open one of t)(ose secure c)(annels.

CA: shore

CA: hey speakin of which arnt you supposed to be cuttin back on the fish puns?

CA: if ya havvent noticed ivve been kinda cutting it dowwn it wwith the swwearin

CC: Kinda... 38\

CA: hey dont be harsh

CA: its gotta be a gradual thing or it wwont wwork an ill be a metric shit ton wworse than wwhen I started stoppin?

CC: 38|

CA: but your puns are goin good an strong

CC: Aren't you supposed to be using so more puns?

CC: If I remember coralectly, t)(at was the D-EAL.

CA: excuse me wwhat wwas that i just read there

CC: )(---EY I WILL MAK-E PUNS IT IS MY GOD-GIVEN RIG)(T.

CC: )(a)(a)(a

CC: 38D

CA: look youre goin about this all wwrong

CA: you gotta STOP makin the puns

CC: O)( grumpy gills stop carping on t)(is dead sea)(orse.

CC: The puns will flow freely, t)(us says the next empress.

CC: Wait, we didn't switc)( channels yet.

CA: do you realize that evvery time you say that its actually a reference to some ancient wwriggler pale romcom?

CC: WW)(ATEWER.

CC: I s)(all call you grumpy gills and you s)(all be mine and you s)(all be my grumpy gills.

CA: oh my cod

CC: W)(at? I loved that s)(ow!

CC: )(-EY! Was t)(at a pun!

CA: wwhat

CA: no that just slipped out

CC: 38D

CA: hey do you think i should answwer kar

CC: Not yet, )(e can wait a w)(ile.

CA: okay then lets move this to a seacure channel

CC: 38D

CA: damn it

CA: you knoww howw they say that condy can induce fish puns in those around her?

CA: wwell its becomin pretty evvident that you can do the same thing

CC: glub

CA: wwait youre supposed to stop glubbin also 

CA: its unbecomin a you

CC: glub glub GLUB

CA: wwed betta movve this to a secure channel before some poor imperial censor dies a bleedin out the eye sockets

CC: )(ee)(ee

\-- cuttlefishCuller [CC] CEASED trolling caligulasAquarium [CA] \--

\-- you have been iinviited two a 2ecure channel [downwit)(t)(eCOND---ESC---E] \--

\-- caligulasAquarium [CA] joiined 2ecure channel [downwit)(t)(eCOND---ESC---E] \--

\-- cuttlefishCuller [CC] OPENED publiic trolliing on [downwit)(t)(eCOND---ESC---E] \--

CC: T-ESTING T-ESTING

CC: Okay, it works!

CA: awwesome

CA: hey i just realized

CA: did sol make this patch because that looks a wwhole hell a a lot like his quirk

CC: )(mmm, you're rig)(t!

CC: I never t)(oug)(t about w)(ere Carpkat found it, but it makes sense for )(im to )(ave gotten it from Sollux.

CA: carpkat huh

CA: i gotta remember to call him hat next time i talk to him

CA: thats pure auspice annoyin gold there

CC: Don't make this calkward.

CA: only if you drop that cute pun

CC: FIN, I will!

CC: Don't make this pawkward.

CA: …

CA: i saww wwhat you did there

CC: )(ee)(ee!

CA: havve you been hanging out wwith nep?

CC: W)(at's it to you, MIST-ER GRUMPY GILLS?

CA: she givves me the creeps

CA: actually you both do kinda

CA: the mere thought of you bein together is enough for me to wwanna rip my think pan in half just because a the sheer density a creepy silliness that would surely be created in too small a space for the univverse to accommodate

CC: )(mmm...

CA: an besides i think shes got it out for me

CC: )(MMM...

CA: dont gang up on me fef one

CA: a you scary murdersmile girls is enough for me to try an handle alone

CC: M-EOW ;33

CA: bluh you are wway too happy for the gravvity of wwhat wwere gonna carp about

CA: i guess wwhat im sayin is

CA: lets havve this chat here in lieu a the one i so surreptitiously managed to forget about

CC: )(mp)(

CC: I guess we )(ave to but I shore don't want to!

CC: Anywaves, )(ere's w)(at I found out!

CA: wwas that a fish pun

CA: that wwas a fish pun

CC: 38|

CC: Do you want to )(ear or not?

CA: do tell

CC: I'm TRYING TO!

CA: hey dont blow your spout so hard wwithout reason

CC: Sorry. 38(

CC: I'm kinda STR-ESS-ED about t)(is, and well you know w)(at just )(appened.

CA: yeah

CC: SO.

CC: I was talking to some of the old generals and

CA: an

CC: )(old on, someone's giving me a message...

CA: ...

CC: O)( MY COD

CC: I gotta go!

CC: FRY!

\-- cuttlefishCuller [CC] LEFT public trolling on [downwit)(t)(eCOND---ESC---E] \--

CA: thats not nice at all

CA: an that wwas the wworst pun ever fef howw do you evven manage that

CA: youre like some kinda spell maker a puns

CA: sitting around a creepidorable fire making all kinds a ridiculous smiles

CA: an stewwing this breww a horrible puns

CA: you arent coming back are you

CA: bluh bluh huge wwitch

~~~~~

You stare disconsorted at the squishy screen, wondering just what made her leave so quickly. Nasty thing to do to a guy, wwhatevver the reason. Your eyes are glazed over from staring at the bright grub in a dark room for so long, and it take you a minute or two before you can relax them enough to actually see anything. You fumble for your glasses, find them exactly where you put them last night, and using your newly acquired long-range vision, glare at the face of the timepiece on the other wall. It tells you that you've been chatting with Feferi for a good two hours. Bluh.

Despite the ridiculous time that the Sollux a22hole woke you up, you've been so long awake that by now you can't fall back to sleep no matter how hard you try. You eventually drag your sorry ass out of the gloriously warm sopor, scrape a most of it off and pull on a frilly purple sweater with the black Ampora sigil on it. Its something that Kan made for you a few Twelfth Perigee's Eves ago, and as fancy-smancy as it is, you appreciate it. You wind your trademark scarf around your neck, tighten your pants, slip both mobilegrubs in, and head out the door of the respiteblock.

Your ancestor's crap is still littering the floor in various, making the room smell musty and aged. You're really going to have to do something about that. Even if you aren't going to stay here forever – of course not, no matter how nice the place is, it's too close to homeworld and there's always bigger fish to fry – you still want the place to look half decent. Trollian Mobile's obnoxiously sharp tone prompts you to reach into a deep pocket and flip open the phone again. Instead of the cheerful pink you were waiting for, you are accosted by angry walls of grey all-caps. Right. You can do this.

  
You'd forgotten about Kar, he was bothering you too last night, wasn't he?. Gosh. From the way he's going on, he'll pop an artery if he ain't careful.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] BEGAN trolling caligulasAquarium [CA] on 2ecure channel [GONECLUBBING] \--

CG: YOU STUPID NOOKHEAD, I CAN'T BELIEVE I HAVE TO STOOP TO THIS LEVEL AND FUCKING ASK YOU LIKE YOU WERE A GODAMMNED WRIGGLER BUT:

CG: DID YOU TALK TO FEFERI YET? SHE WAS REALLY WORRIED ABOUT YOU THE LAST TIME I SPOKE WITH HER.

CG: HEY, ARE YOU EVEN THERE, FISHFACE?

CG: ANSWER ME WHEN I FUCKING TALK TO YOU.

CG: I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS SHIT YOU ASSWIPE. IF YOU ARE READING THIS AND NOT RESPONDING, THEN YOU'RE A UTTER DOUCHEWAFFLE AND THE TRUEST CHUMBUCKET I'VE KNOWN BUT YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT BY NOW.

CG: AND IF YOU AREN'T AND ARE JUST IGNORING ME, THEN YOU ARE ONE OF THE BIGGEST BRAINDEAD IDIOTS EVER AND HAVE LEARNED EXACTLY JACK SHIT, NO FUCKS GIVEN ABOUT ANYTHING AND THAT MEANS YOU PROBABLY HAVEN'T EVEN FUCKING TALKED TO THE GLUBPRINCESS.

CG: REMEMBER THAT THIS IS NOT ONLY AN HEIRESS BUT ALSO THE FUCKING ANCESTOR OF THE FUCKING CONDESCENSION, DID YOU THINK OF THAT?

CG: I MEAN SURE IT'S FEFERI BUT SHE'S STILL A DIRECT PEXIES AND IF YOUR CROSS HER SHE WILL RIP YOUR GUTS OUT YOUR THROAT WHILE SMILING. AND YOU CROSSED HER. BIGTIME, FROM WHAT I HEARD ALSO. 

CG: ...

CG: YOU DISGUSTING BULGE WHAT IS YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM?

CG: IS YOUR IQ ACTUALLY SO LOW AS TO NOT COMPREHEND THAT SOMEONE IS ACTUALLY TRYING TO CONTACT YOUR UGLY FACE?

CG: STOP PLAYING STUPID, SOLLUX CAN TELL WHEN YOU ARE LOOKING AT YOUR SCREEN AND YOU DEFINABLY JUST LOOKED AT THE GODAMNED SCREEN JUST NOW.

CG: IF THIS IS TOO HARD FOR YOUR TRAGICALLY IMPAIRED THINK-PAN TO HANDLE LET ME WRITE IT DOWN IN EASY TO REMEMBER TERM THAT EVEN THE DULLEST OF GRUBS (HINT: THAT'S YOU) CAN TRY AND COMPREHEND.

CG: READ MY LIPS: FUCKING RESPOND TO ME.

CG: REALLY NOW? IF YOU DON'T STOP THIS AND ACTUALLY TALK WITH ME I SWEAR I WILL INVITE VRISKA FUCKING SERKET TO THIS CHAT AND HOW WOULD YOU LIKE THAT?

CG: SPOILER, YOU WOULDN'T. AND RIGHT NOW I DON'T THINK I CAN PUT UP WITH ANY OF HER MINDGAME BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU ARE PLAYING MINDGAMES WITH ME AND SOLLUX AND PRACTICALLY EVERYONE WHO WOULD LIKE TO KNOW ABOUT THE STATE OF YOUR CONTINUED EXISTENCE.

CG: IT'S ALMOST AS IT YOUR ALREADY MEANINGLESS LIFE YOU ARE ALWAYS HARPING ON HAS BY SHEER FORCE OF WILL, BECOME AN ISSUE EVEN SMALLER AND MORE INSIGNIFICANT THAT EVER IMPERVIOUSLY THOUGHT POSSIBLE, AND IS NOT EXISTING ON THE LEVEL OF THE FUCKS I GIVE ABOUT THE ISSUE ITSELF.

CG: BEING SO SMALL AND UTTERLY MICROSCOPIC IN SCALE OF MEANING MAKES GIVES IT INTERFERENCE WITH ITS OWN WAVELENGTH AND THEREFORE PROCEEDS TO MULTIFUCK ITSELF INTO A SPREADING CLOUD OF POSSIBLE REALITIES IN WHICH IT COULD EXIST WITH ANY SEMBLANCE OF MEANING.

CG: FURTHERMORE, THE ENERGY LEVEL WHICH IT EXISTS ON IS NEARLY EQUAL TO THE AMOUNT OF ENERGY I PUT INTO CARING ABOUT THE ISSUE, A VALUE SO SMALL THAT IT FLOATS FAR AWAY FROM THE HEART OF THE MATTER AND IS QUICKLY IONIZED BY THE ATTRACTIVENESS THAT ANOTHER PERSON HAS FOR YOUR EXISTENCE.

CG: YOU KEEP FLOATING AMONG SEVERAL HEART WITHOUT ACTUALLY INTERACTING WITH ANY OF THE, LEADING THEM TO BOND TOGETHER IN A SINGLE, UNIFIED GROUP OF PEOPLE AND ISSUES THAT DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOU.

CG: THE BODY OF NOT-CARING THAT RESULTS CHANGES THE ATTRACTION OF THE HEARTS OF THE MATTERS, CAUSING THEM TO BEGIN TO COALESCE IN A PARTICULAR FORM THAT APPROXIMATES THE SHAPE OF MICROSCOPIC RAISED MIDDLE FINGER, PUT IN IT THE FUCKING NEWS, IT'S CAUSING THE STATE OF THE SUBSTANCE TO BECOME INTERNATIONAL, WOW LOOK AT IT GO IT JUST PASSED THE TRIPLE POINT AND IS BREAKING ALL THE GAS LAWS, RED ALERT RED ALERT.

CA: wwoww kar dont hurt yourself

CG: YOU'RE ALIVE.

CA: in the gorgeous flesh

CG: OH THANK GOD.

CG: hey not that i dont appreciate that someone respects the beauty of my perfect bod, but dont you think youre coming on a bit hard there kar

CG: OH FUCK YOU ERIDAN, I'M AREADY INTO ONE OF YOUR QUADRANTS, STOP TRYING TO BE POLYPOLYAMORUS WITH ME.

CG: DO YOU KNOW THAT I HATE YOU RIGHT NOW?

CG: I HAD A WHOLE SOLID BLOCK OF TEXT WAITING TO BE DUMPED ON YOU. I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR BODY, JUST THAT YOUR NASTY GILLED FACE IS STILL INTACT.

CA: uhhuh

CG: IT TOOK ME LITERALLY FOUR MINUTES OF PRESSING THE FUCKING BACKSPACE TO ERASE IT AN SEND YOU, THANKS FOR NOTHING, YOU ASSHOLE.

CA: wwhat a shame the wworld wwill miss your enourmous wwall of angry science bullshit ventin

CA: but wwhered you learn all that quantum physicey stuff anywways they dont give those grubfeedings awway to just anyone ya knoww

CA: an seriously were you evven thinkin about wwhat you learned wwhen you were takin them

CA: or wwere you havving gross fantasies about usin the gillgained knowwladge an makin a wall a angry text at someone

CG: OH SHOCK ME AND SHUT YOUR GODDAMN SEEDFLAP AND SAY SOMETHING THAT ACTUALLY MANAGES TO MAKE A LITTLE SENSE ONCE IN A WHILE, YOU MIGHT GET IN THE HEADLINES.

CG: EVERYTHING I SAID THERE WAS GOOD HARD SCIENCE AND HAS BEEN PROVED BY A THOUSAND SAD SCIENSTIFFS WORKING THEIR SAD ASSES OFF IN SOME DARK CORNER OF THE EMPIRE.

CA: sometimes you scare me wwith howw much you knoww kar

CG: HEY FOR ALL YOU KNOW I COULD BE SOME DESCENDANT OF A LEGENDARY SEADWELLER DOUCHEBAG AND AM SO AFRAID THAT I WON'T BE ABLE TO LIVE UP TO HIS STANDARDS OF REFINED, PRACTICED ASSHOLERY THAT I'VE HIDDEN MY COLOR AND HAVE RENOUNCED THE WAY OF THE SEA-MAN WITH A EGO-INFLATED ROD UP HIS NOOK.

CA: somehoww i doubt it

CG: YOU'VE GOT NO REASON TO THOUGH. IT'S NOT LIKE YOU HAVE EVEN SEEN ME OR MY SIGN SO HOW WOULD YOU KNOW WHAT I AM OR NAUT?

CG: WHOOPS A FISH PUN I GAVE MYSELF AWAY, WHOOP-DA-FUCKING-DOO.

CG: PLEASE DON'T START SHOWERING ME IN GOLD AND HONORS, I'M ALLERGIC.

CA: maybe i can sea a resemblance but theres no wway that your could evver hope to my ancestors levvels of pretentious asshattery

CG: DO TELL, I'M INTRIGUED AS TO HOW IT IS PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE FOR AN INDIVIDUAL TO BE MORE OF A PRETENTIOUS ASSHAT THAN OUR BELOVED AMPORA JUNIOR.

CG: ACTUALLY DON'T, AN AMPORA SENIOR IS A REALLY FRIGHTENING THOUGHT.

CA: wwell this guy is totally a huge asshat no doubt about it

CA: hes dualscar a course did wwe really havve to clear that up

CA: but yeah i had the pleasure of readin through five swweeps wworth of bitchin and jerkin off to his wwoes

CA: i mean i knoww i can sorta be a little like that but this guy is takin it to neww levvels its just fucking unbelivvable

CA: do you realize that practically all he talks about from the moment he sees vvriskas ancestor is mindfang this mindfang that

CA: the guy just scraps a a whole expeditionary force just to wwoo her an wwhatevver facade of personality an depth he had is WWOOSH

CA: dowwn the drain nevver to be seen again

CG: ...

CG: THIS IS WHAT YOU SPENT ALL THAT TIME DOING ISN'T IT? READING YOUR ANCESTOR'S JOURNALS?

CA: wwell maybe

CG: IF YOU REALLY THINK HE'S SO STUPID, WHY'D YOU SPEND ALL THAT TIME GOING THROUGH HIS STUFF?

CA: i don't know its just kinda attictin to see howw much of a fuckup he can make himself

CG: YOU REALLY HAVE IT BLACK FOR HIM DON'T YOU.

CA: oh my god

CG: YOU ACTUALLY DO.

CA: wwhat the fuck karkat

CG: THAT'S ALMOST AS STUPID AS HATING ON A PAST VERSION OF YOURSELF, I MEAN HOW WOULD YOU EVEN DO THAT?

CA: STOP IT

CG: ITS LIKE YOU'D HAVE TO FIND SOME WAY TO GO BACK IN TIME AND MINDLESSLY HATE-FUCK YOUR DOUCHE ANCESTOR BEFORE EXHAUSTEDLY LYING THERE BESIDE HIM IN A BLACK RAGE.

CA: oh my GOD

CG: AND THEN AFTER YOU FED THE SLURRY TO THE MOTHER GRUB, A THOUSAND SWEEPS LATER OUT OF HER FOURTH ASSHOLE POPS OUT A LITTLE YOU! WHAT DO YOU KNOW!

CG: MAYBE THAT'S WHERE DESCENDANTS ACTUALLY COME FROM.

CG: A PUDDLE OF INCESTUOUS, FUCKED UP GENES AND SCREWED UP PERSONALITIES IN AN ECTOGLOP OF WHATEVER.

CG: SOUNDS ABOUT RIGHT.

CA: just stop

CA: kar i really didnt wwanna be thinkin about that like hell fuckin NO

CA: wwhere did that evven come from

CA: ya gotta be careful or next thin you know nep wwwill have her wwalls covvered in pictures of you and your ancestor wwith a little quadrant symbol next to evvery single one

CA: an some wwill be scrawwled upon an others wwill be circled an next thing you knoww therell be fanfics floatin on the grubnet about you an your ancestor gettin it on

CA: an youll nevver be able to do anythin but hold your head in shame an cry

CA: kar?

CA: say wwhen did you subscribe to the wwhale ancestor thing i mean last time i checked you thought it wwas all a steamin pile of seahoofbeastshit

CG: IT'S NEVER BEEN A THING THAT WASN'T TRUE, ALL I HAD AN ISSUE WITH WAS THE IMPERIAL PROPAGANDA.

CG: I MEAN, IT COULDN'T BE *ALL* COINCIDENCE THAT ALL LOWBLOOD ANCESTORS WERE CRIMINALS THAT WERE EXECUTED PROMPTLY AND AND HIGHBLOODS HAVE AWE-INSPIRING MILITARY HEROS TO LOOK UP TO FROM YEARS PAST.

CA: that sounds pretty accurate actually i mean you cant deny the facts that the ones wwho livve in shacks turn to crime the ones wwho livve in mansions turn to badassery

CA: an the ones wwho livve in cavves turn to smutty fanfiction

CG: UGGG, DON'T TALK ABOUT NEPETA LIKE THAT, AS FAR I I KNOW SHE DOESN'T WRITE FANFICS ABOUT US.

CG: I HOPE.

CA: i don't know kar behind the smiling face an the huge ovvercoat that girls a demon at heart

CA: shes a real angel that one

CG: IS THERE ANYONE YOU DON'T FEEL BLACK TOWARDS?

CA: oh please no dont do that to me kar

CA: i mean me an nep?

CA: ya gotta be fuckin kiddin me theres no wway that im gonna let myself think for more than three seconds thinkin about her in that wway

CA: an besides

CG: YEAH THAT'D PRETTY MUCH BE A DISASTER FROM THE VERY BEGINNING.

CG: SO ANYWAYS, HOW'D IT GO WITH FEFERI?

CG: pretty good i think

CG: YOU THINK.

CA: wwell i mean if it wwent dowwn on the other side of the station im sure id havve three holes through my chest by noww

CA: but she got calmed dowwn by the end an wwe made up

CG: THAT'S GOOD.

CG: WAIT WHERE ARE YOU? STATION. YOU MEAN LIKE A SPACE STATION?

CA: wwell a course

CG: YEAH I THOUGHT SO. I'M NO MORON ERIDAN. WHICH ONE?

CA: THE station wwhat else?

CG: WOW. OKAY THAT WAS INCREDIBLY HELPFUL AND SPECIFIC, LET'S GIVE A ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR THE STRAIGHTFORWARDNESS OF THAT REPLY. HELP ME OUT HERE, I CAN'T APPLAUD THIS ENOUGH.

CA: wwoww kar noww i really knoww you arent a seadwweller

CA: evveryone knowws of the great seadwweller space station

CG: WAIT, FUCK. GANISSIAE?

CA: ding ding ding heres a gold star of wwell duh wwhat else?

CG: SHIT, REALLY?

CA: yes really wwhere esle wwould any self-respectin seadwweller wwho just ascended go?

CG: ASCENDING IS THE STUPIDEST NAME FOR IT EVER, JUST SAYING.

CA: yeah it is

CA: wwhere are you anywways

CG: …

CA: wwhats that supposed to mean

CA: kar answwer me

CA: oh boy its a secret isnt it

CA: ooh ooh tell me tell me

CG: ...

CA: no

CA: i fuckin hate secrets

CA: just tell me already

CG: DO YOU PROMISE NOT TO TELL ANYONE?

CA: sure wwhy

CG: YOU REALLY PROMISE.

CA: sure kar wwhatevver

CG: YOU'D BETTER MEAN THAT.

CA: wwell

CA: okay fine but this had betta not get me in trouble

CG: I'M EXILED.

CA: cool story bro

CG: WHAT THE FUCK? ERIDAN? NO. I REALLY MEAN THIS.

CA: wwait youre serious

CG: WHAT DID YOU THINK I WAS DOING, DOUCHEWWAD? PULLING YOUR NUB?

CA: wwell thats sorta crazy ya know?

CA: well its wwas kinda far fetched

CA: so youre all out there alone with the undead an the corpses

CG: OF COURSE NOT, WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM, SUICIDAL?

CA: coulda fooled me at times

CG: IT'S GETTING PROGRESSIVLY HARDER AND HARDER TO IGNORE YOUR SHITTY INSULTS

CA: must not be too bad if yout just commented on them

CG: THIS IS THE SOUND OF ME TURNING OFF MY AURICULAR SPONGECLOTS AND GETTING BACK ON TOPIC.

CG: SOLLUX AND ARADIA ARE WITH ME.

CA: sollux

CA: wwell that explains that

CG: WHAT.

CA: nothin

CA: so wwhos aradia?

CG: I THINK VRISKA KNEW HER FROM FLARP.

CG: CURLY HORNS, GOD KNOWS TOO MUCH HAIR?

CA: oh i think i kneww her

CA: shes the spooky girl wwith the wwhip right?

CG: YEAH THAT SOUNDS ABOUT RIGHT.

CA: she wwas hot

CG: ERIDAN. AS YOUR AUSTPICE, I ORDER YOU TO GET YOUR ARTICULATED DACTYLNUBS OUT OF YOUR NOOK AND STOP HITTING ON ANYTHING THAT MOVES.

CA: hey i wwas a hormone filled fivve swweeper an she had a leather wwhip an a tight flarp outfit i couldnt help it if i looked at her funny wwhen i happened to see her

CA: actually noww i realize that i didnt comprehend just howw sexy that wwas a the time

CG: NICE GOING SHITFACE, SHE'S READING THIS RIGHT NOW OVER MY SHOULDER.

CA: fuck

CG: DAMN STRAIGHT.

CA: I'M GOING TO BE STUCK WITH HER AND SOLLUX FOR WHO KNOWS HOW LONG.

CG: THERE'S NOT MUCH TO THINK ABOUT BESIDES SAND AND I REALLY DON'T WANT MY BRAIN GOING THERE.

CA: wwhere the sand

CG: OF COURSE NOT THAT, SMARTASS. DID YOU KNOW HOW HARD GHOULS ARE TO KILL, I DON'T KNOW HOW KANAYA DOES IT.

CA: youre changin the topic again

CG: FUCKING DEAL WITH IT, I'M DONE WITH OUR OLD ONE. OUT THE WINDOW TO LAND IN A HEAPING PILE OF SHITTY TOPICS IT GOES.

CA: wwhatevver floats your boat kar

CA: wwel for one thing shes got a chainsaww

CG: SHE'S CRAZY FOR LIVING OUT HERE FOR SO LONG, DEADLY TUBE OF DUBIOUSLY MOTORIZED LIPSTICK ASIDE.

CG: IT'S ONLY BEEN A WEEK, AND I'M GOING BATSHIT INSANE ALREADY.

CA: wwhats a bat

CG: BASICALLY A DEVILSQUEAKBEAST ON WINDGS AND MINDHONEY, THE BLOOD-SUCKING FUCKERS ARE SO HARD TO HIT.

CA: that sounds horrible

CG: I KNOW, RIGHT?

CA: wwhat do you do eat them or somefin?

CG: HAHA, I FUCKING *WISH*.

CG: NO, THE ONLY FOOD I'VE EATEN FOR THE PAST WEEK IS STUFF WE BROUGHT WITH US.

Your devvious mind just had the best idea ever. You run to the kitchen and shoot a picture.

CG: SOLLUX REFUSED TO BRING WHATEVER FOOD HE HAD AT HIS HIVE, WHICH IS EXACTLY JACK SHIT, I DON'T KNOW HOW THE BONY ASSHOLE MANAGES TO KEEP SHRIVELING UP AND COLLAPSING, HEAVEN KNOWS HE'D BE DOING THE WORLD A FAVOR.

CG: ARADIA BASICALLY BROUGHT NOTHING BECAUSE SHE HARDLY OWNED ANYTHING, THE GIRL WAS PRACTICALLY STARVING BEFORE SHE JOINED US ON YOUR EXPEDITION INTO THE FUCKING NOWHERE.

CG: EVERYTHING I BROUGHT IS LOCKED UP IN MY STUPID-ASS SYALLADEX WHICH SOLLUX COULD NEVER BE BOTHERED TO TRY AND OPEN, FORBID I SHOULD DISTURB HIS MOODY TAPPING AT THE FLOATING HUSKTOP, MUCH LESS ATTEMPT TO TAKE IT FROM HIM, NO THAT'D BE A STAIN UPON HIS HONOR.

CA: really kar wwell thats just awwful

CG: FUCKING TELL ME ABOUT IT.

CA: but i got somethin thats gonna cheer you up

CG: WHAT.

\-- caligulasAquarium [CA] sent file comfertinfood.png --

CA: there take a peeper at that

CG: WHAT THE HELL?

CG: THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO MAKE ME FUCKING FEEL BETTER?

CG: OH MY GOD AMPORA WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR MUTILATED FISHBRAIN THAT MADE YOU THINK THIS WOULD HELP ME?

CG: HOW FAR IS YOUR NUB EVEN UP YOUR ASS THAT YOU THOUGHT OF THIS?

CA: hahaha

CG: READ MY LIPS DOUCHEFIN. NOT. FUNNY.

CA: sorry kar ill leave the lip readin to cullbait

CG: NICE ONE, NOOKSUCKER.

CG: YOU JUST SAID THAT TO SOMEBODY WHO TECHNICALLY IS CULLBAIT NOW. THANKS A LOT ASSHEAD.

CA: wwell then i think youvve got your wwork cut out for you

CA: chop chop kar

CG: SHUT THE EVERLOVING FUCK UP THAT WAS SICK.

CA: still you gotta admit that was kinda hilarious

CA: NEVER HAVE I SO VEHEMENTLY DISAGREED.

CA: ha

CA: ha

CG: YOU ARE BEING A BULGE BLISTERING, NOOK ROTTING IDIOT AND YOU NEED TO SHUT YOUR SEEDFLAP BEFORE A FUCKING HOPBEAST OF THE STUPID SHIT THAT IS IN YOUR THINKPAN JUMPS OUT OF YOUR BILE SACK AND STARTS HAVING PROPHETIC VISIONS ABOUT HOW MUCH MORE OF A DOUCHE YOU WILL BECOME.

CA: that one didnt evven make any sense

CG: I COULD SAY THE SAME THING ABOUT YOUR NON-EXISTENT REASONS FOR DOING WHAT YOU JUST DID.

CA: come on they wwere perfectly good reasons

CA: its nevver not a good reason to make you more angry than the levvel a angry you normally exist at

CG: PRAY TELL JUST HOW THAT IS A GOOD IDEA?

CA: look kar just drop it like theres hullwworms crawwlin outta the issue an burying themselvves in your skin

CG: NO. BECAUSE WE NEED TO ESTABLISH THAT IT WAS FUCKING STUPID. THE THING WHICH YOU JUST DID WAS STUPID AND NEVER SHALL STOP BEING SO. WE OUGHT TO BUILD A SHRINE HERE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DESERT JUST TO COMMEMORATE THE SHOCKING TIER OF STUPID THAT ERIDAN AMPORA REACHED TONIGHT, WHOEVER IS WITH ME TAKE YOUR NUB OUT OF YOUR NOOK AND RAISE IT IN THE AIR.

CA: it wwas a dowwnright clevver thin to do if i may say so myself

CG: NO. NO, IT WAS NOT A “CLEWER” THING TO DO AND NEED I CALL IN YOUR AUSPIST TO REMIND YOU OF THAT FACT?

CA: god kar stop bonkin me ovver the head wwith clubs alredy

CG: I WILL KEEP DOING SO AS LONG AS YOU KEEP WAVING SPADES AT ME.

CA: that wwas not my intention

CA: wwhy cant it all just be a thin that good hatefriends do to each other?

CG: BECAUSE IF YOU HAPPENED TO FORGET, WE ARE NOT HATEFRIENDS, WE ARE IN A FUCKING QUADRANT TOGETHER, PLEASE REMIND ME WHAT TUMOR WAS IN A VITAL PART OF MY BRAIN WHICH MADE ME THINK THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA.

CA: noww noww the last time i checked auspisticism wwasnt one a the 'FUCKING QUADRANT's it wwas just a conciliatory one

CG: FUCK YOU.

CA: see this is just the kinda non conciliatory desires thats just wwhat im talkin about

CA: if you wwant off an wwanna hop onto another you can but wwe gotta make it official first

CG: JUST SHUT. UP.

CA: blah da blah de blah look a me im not shuttin up in any shape wway or form

CG: I AM SO DONE WITH YOUR SHIT.

\-- arachnidsGrip [AG] BEGAN trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] and caligulasAquarium [CA] \--

AG: Heeeeeeeey 8oys!

AG: 8eing so lame without me, I see.

CA: wwhat the fuck kar

CA: please tell me you didnt invvite her

CG: SINCE YOU ARE ALREADY BOTH SUCH STUCK-UP ASSWHIFFS, I FIGURED YOU COULD SIT AROUND AND POLISH YOUR BULGES TOGETHER WHILE EXCHANGING WITTY BARBS MOSTLY CONSISTING OF VARIOUS THREATS TO ANNIHILATE THE OTHER'S RACE.

CA: goddammit kar

AG: Oh please.

AG: I came here to attempt a witty conver8ion with this 8raindead 8utthead.

CA: vvris that one wwas lame evven for you

AG: Yeah, well let's see what your pitifully retaaaaaaaarded fish8rain can hit me 8ack with.

CA: yeah wwell you an your wwild grubfuckin fantasies arent any a my business so stop tryin to get a rise out a me an go sit in the dunce corner ovver there

AG: I don't think I understood a thing that just came out of his mouth, how a8out you, Karkles?

CG: KARKLES? YOU DON'T FUCKING GET TO CALL ME KARKLES.

CA: ahh it looks like someone hit a vvein carpkat

CG: CARPKAT?

AG: I almost can't 8elieve it. That 8urn was sooooooo shitty, even for you!

CA: just shut the fuck up vvris im not evven insultin you right noww

CG: WHAT IS WITH THE STUPID NICKNAMES ANYWAYS? I SWEAR, YOU BOTH OVERDOSED ON THE MORON JUICE TODAY.

AG: Oh please. As if you are anyone to talk.

CG: YOU TWO BOTH BECOME SUCH INSANE LUNATIC SHITHEADS WHEN YOU ARE AROUND EACH OTHER, I SWEAR I MAY EVEN CALL IT A MOTHERFUCKING MIRACLE IF YOU MANAGED TO REMAIN COHERENT AND SENSIBLE WHEN TALKING TO EACH OTHER.

CG: FUCKING GAMZEE EVEN LOOKS SMARTER WHEN COMPARED TO YOU, IT'S ALMOST AS IF YOU CREATE A FUCKING BLACK HOLE OF OF REASON THAT MANAGES TO SUCK IN EVERY LAST SCRAP OF SANITY FLOATING AROUND.

CG: AND YOU YOU BOTH ACTUALLY MANAGE TO BE KINDA REASONABLE, DECENT TROLLS WHEN YOU AREN'T IN EACH OTHER'S COMPANY.

CA: no she doesnt

AG: Him? No w8y.

CG: AS I WAS SAYING, AT LEAST WHEN YOU AREN'T BEING A TOTAL AND UTTER DOUCHE *ERIDAN* OR TORTURING ME WITH YOUR FUCKED-UP SENSE OF REALITY *VRISKA*, YOU ACTUA-

CG: WAIT, BOTH OF THOSE GO FOR BOTH OF YOU.

CG: FORGET IT, YOU TWO ARE IRREDEEMABLE.

CA: called it

AG: Look I don't even really have an issue with you , Karkat. You're kinda a nice guy, even if you are a total pushover.

AG: What I can't stand is how Mr. Extermin8 All Landwwellers hasn't thanked me for a thing I've ever done for him.

CA: hey ivve not evven THOUGHT a that for perigrees youd better make her stop kar

AG: He's just such a fucking self a8bsor8ed prick that he doesn't even man8ge to realize just what a neg8tive effect he is on the rest of society!

AG: The world would 8e 8etter off if he went and rotten in a 8ucket somewhere while compl8ining of 8eing 'forevver alone'.

AG: How does THAT sound to you, fishf8ce???????? >::::D

CA: AND THUS WE REACH THE END OF TOKEN VRISKA MINIRANT AGAINST ERIDAN NUMBER 4 PRIME.

CA: hahaha

AG: Oh fuck you.

AG: 8esides, that was num8er 8ight.

CG: YOU INSIST THEY ARE ALL NUMBER EIGHT.

AG: They're 8ll awesome enough to 8e.

CA: look at her shes always presumin that she can do no wwrong but thats just all loads a hoofbeastshit in my playbook an still she accuses me a bein stuck up

CG: OKAY ARE YOU BOTH DONE YET? BECAUSE I'M ABOUT THE COMBINED LENGTH OF YOUR SADLY MINUSCULE NOOKS AWAY FROM FORCING BOTH OF YOUR HEADS DOWN THE THE IMPERIAL CULLPIT, JUST IF IT'S THE ONLY DAMN WAY I CAN GET YOU GUYS TO FUCKING SHUT YOUR BITCHING SEEDFLAPS!

CA: look kar if you didnt wwant us bitchin on ya wwhyd you get us together you knoww its basically the only thing wwe evver do wwith each other

CA: BECAUSE I WAS HOPING THAT BY SOME INCREDIBLE AND SHITTY TWIST OF THE CONSTANTS OF THE UNIVERSE YOU MAY ACTUALLY STAY TO REMAIN RATIONAL TOGETHER INSTEAD OF BECOMING IDIOT ASSHOLES.

AG: I don't think it worked.

AG: Look really, why?

CG: WHY WHAT.

AG: Why'd you really 8ring us to this chat?

CG: I JUST TOLD YOU.

AG: You're a really shitty lier.

CG: YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW?

CA: yea

CG: BECAUSE IT'S THE DAY AFTER ASCENSION AND BASICALLY YOU ALL KNOW ABOUT THIS BY NOW BUT BUT I'M EXILED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DESERT WITH TWO ASSHOLES WHO ONLY *SLIGHTLY*MANAGE TO BE LESS ANNOYING THAN YOU DO AND SO I JUST WANTED TO AUSPISTICE THE FUCK OUT OF YOU TWO IN CASE

CG: *CUE THE SHITTY DRAMATIC MUSIC* 

CG: I DON'T COME BACK.

CA: oh

AG: 8

AG: 9

AG: 10

AG: 8oom.

CA: wwait wwhy the HELL did vvriska already knoww about it?

AG: Hahaha you are so predicta8le.

CA: THATS NOT FUCKIN FUNNY YOU FUCKIN SPIDER MINDBITCH

CG: ACTUALLY, IT KINDA IS.

CA: see? youre alwways taking her side thats not cool at all

AG: Well it's 8ecause this is the sexiest side! You know that! ::::)

CG: VRISKA, STOP INSULTING YOUR FEEBLE INTELLIGENCE WITH THAT LAME RETORT.

CG: THAT SHTICK HAS BEEN OVERUSED SO MUCH, IT'S LIKE AN OLD, WELL LOVED NOOKGRUB WHICH IS SO TIRED AND FUZZY IT COULD BE USED AS AN ABLUTION UTENSIL BEFORE IT GETS THROWN OUT WITH THE REST OF THE USELESS RUBBISH.

CA: … ewwwww

AG: G8hhh.

CG: BLISSFUL PEACE.

CG: SO NOW, ROLECALL.

CG: I AM CURRENTLY IN AN UNDISCLOSED LOCATION SOMEWHERE IN THE VAST SOUTH ALTERNIAN DESERT, AND IT IS FUCKING COLD OUT HERE.

CG: THE LOCATION IS UNDISCLOSED BECAUSE I DO NOT KNOW WHERE I AM.

AG: I'm on8oard the the Stellacrimin8tor recruitment ship, w8ing to be assigned a group to work with.

CA: im on ganissiae

CA: thats really all there is to say on the matter

AG: Shit, r8lly?

CA: hell fuckin yes

CA: i am floatin the streets a the crowwn a the empire

CA: an im tryin to find a cape that i can wwear underwwater

CA: an my devovoted search for unadulterated beauty has turned up this stunnin wwork a tailorship

CA: here havve a photo

CG: WAY TO MAKE THE UNIVERSE A BETTER PLACE, YOU EGOTISTICAL FREAK.

CG: CAN I PASS?

AG: Oh 8oy, this had 8etter 8e good.

\-- caligulasAquarium [CA] sent file sovverystylish.png --

CA: so wwhadya think?

CG: CAN I BE HONEST WITH YOU?

CA: shore

CG: YOU LOOK LIKE TWO THINGS:

CG: A DOUCHEBAG AND A COMPLETE TOOL.

CA: wwoww thanks a lot kar

CG: I'M NOT DONE YET.

CG: SINCE I DO NOT EVEN KNOW HOW IT IS PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE TO EXPRESS THE AMOUNT OF COMBINED DOUCHE AND TOOL THAT IS WRAPPED UP IN THAT SICKENINGLY PURPLE THING YOU CALL A FASHION ACCESSORY I HAVE HAD TO EXPAND MY VOCABULARY AND DUB YOU A HUGE TOOLBAG.

CA: thats not even a thing is it

AG: I don't think so.

CG: YES IT IS NOW BECAUSE YOU JUST BECAME IT.

CG: ERIDAN AMPORA, YOU ARE THE BIGGEST TOOLBAG ANYONE HAS EVEN LAIN EYES UPON.

AG: Can I tell you just what I think?

CA: sure wwhy the hell not i dont evven really care wwhat you think

AG: You look more stupid than 8efore.

AG: Get it off.

CA: wwell THANKS im practically blowwn away by the force a your supportivveness

CG: LOOK. I'M NOT GOING TO INSULT YOU, I'M JUST GOING TO TELL YOU THAT IT LOOKS AWFUL AND YOU SHOULDN'T BUY IT.

CA: wwell i think im goin to just to spite you kar

CG: THATS STUPID.

CA: no its me not carin wwhat you say

CA: a great man needs a great outfit

AG: Then you are primed for failure. Congratul8ons and take it off.

CA: oh shut the fuck up serket

CG: NO. WHATEVER, JUST EVERYONE STOP.

CG: ERIDAN CAN MAKE HIMSELF LOOK LIKE A TOOLBAG IF HE WISHES. HE'S A BIG BOY NOW AND CAN MAKE HIS OWN FASHION DISASTERS.

CA: fuck you too kar

CG: HE ALSO IS ALLOWED TO EMBARRASS HIMSELF IN THE EYES OF EVERYONE BY USING SHITTY PHOTO MANIPULATION TO MAKE HIS HORNS APPEAR LARGER TO ANYONE WHO MANAGES TO LOOK AWAY FROM THAT AWFUL CAPE.

CG: I SUPPOSE I SHOULD MAKE SOME TOKEN MOVE AS TO REDEEM HIM BY SAYING SOMETHING TO EXCUSE HIM AS IF I WERE HIS FUCKING LUSUS OR WHAT THE FUCK EVER.

CG: BUT HONESTLY I AM ALL OUT OF SHITS TO GIVE.

CG: AM I CLEAR? 

AG: ::::|

AG: You SERIOUSLY edited your wrenched horns? Oh my god you are such a tool8ag.

CG: MOVING ON. WE DON'T NEED TO TRY AND HAMMER IT INTO HIM – HE'S SO DENSE WE'LL JUST SCREW OURSELVES WITH THE NAIL.

CA: wwhat da fuck did i just read

CG: LET'S LET ERIDAN FINISH NARRATING HIS QUEST OF TOIL AND PAIN THOUGH THE MOST LAVISH PLACE IN THE EMPIRE TO MAKE HIMSELF THE MOST PIMPED OUT DOUCHEBAG IN THE UNIVERSE.

CA: thank you spotlight back on the star a the showw ill continue here

CA: noww im going to a restranut to get somefin to eat

CG: WHAT.

CG: THE HELL.

CG: YOU ARE SICK, AMPORA.

CG: DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I WOULD GIVE FOR ONE FUCKING PLATE OF THAT FOOD AND HERE YOU ARE ORDERING ANOTHER FOSSILIZED MAMMOTHBEASTSHITTON MORE FOOD FOR OF YOUR TWISTED PLEASURE?

AG: Gosh Karkat, who kicked yoooooooour 8luge in?

\-- carcenioGeneticist [CG] sent file comfertinfood.png --

CG: THIS PILE OF HOOFBEASTSHIT.

CA: oh really noww kar 

AG: Wow. Eridan, don't you think that's a liiiiiiiittle excessive?

CA: givve me a break serket

CA: like you evven knoww the meanin a the wword excessivve

AG: E%cuse me???????

AG: I know the meaning of excessive peeeeeeeefectly, I just choose to ignore it!

CG: FUCKING HIGHBLOODS.

CA: BLUEBLOODS ARE ENTIRELY SCUMMY WADS OF BUCKETSTAINED SHITSADDLED ASSHOLES, DID YOU KNOW THAT?

AG: Wow. Th8nk you Karkat, now go fuck yourself p8nfully while carrying a8out how pitiful your miser88le life is and how jealous you are of our awesome one.

CG: VRISKA THAT IS SO INSENSITIVE I DO BELIEVE I LOST MY ABILITY TO EVEN COMPREHEND THE SHIT THAT YOU ARE SPEWING OUT OF YOUR NOOKWORN SEEDFLAP.

CA: an so another piece a the karkat mystery blood puzzle falls into place

CA: he doesnt identify wwith highbloods

CG: WHAT. NO. HOW DO YOU KNOW I JUST DON'T LOATHE MYSELF SO FULLY THAT I CAN INSULT MY OWN CASTE?

AG: That's actually rather plausa8le.

AG: 8ut it isn't true.

CG: WHAT.

CA: an howw do you know

CG: Like this.

CA: …

CG: VRISKA I SWEAR YOU

CG: QUIT F8CKING WITH MY HEAD

AG: So he's come kind of low8lood.

CA: hmm interestin

CG: FUCK THIS CONVERSATION.

CG: FUCK THIS CONVERSATIONAL TOPIC SO HARD AND PAINFULLY AND SIDEWAYS THAT ALL THAT'S LEFT IS A BLOODY CORPSE WITH A GIANT ASSHOLE PUNCHING THOUGH WHERE ITS BEAUTY BITS SHOULD BE.

CG: AND THEN WE TAKE IT AND BURY IT IN A PILE OF SHIT TO MASK THE ODOR WAFTING OFF OF IT WHILE WE CLIMB UP ON A BUCKET TO ANNOUNCE A SHITTY EXCUSE TO THE WORLD:

CG: THE SHOW HAS BEEN CANCELED. THE TOPIC *SADLY* GOT LOST AND WON'T BE HERE FOR AN OTHER FEW HOURS. EVERYONE FUCKING BACK TO YOUR HIVES.

CG: BESIDES, I'M LEGALLY HEMOANONYMOUS, IS THAT FUCKING GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU?

AG: I'm sure Terezi could get to the 8ottom of it. ::::)

CA: yeah wwell havve to call her in

CA: hold on a minute fefs callin me RIGHT noww

CG: IT'S REALLY VERY FRIGHTENING WHEN YOU TWO MANAGE TO GET ALONG. I THINK I LIKED THE SHITFUCKED SQUABBLING BETTER, PLEASE GO BACK TO THAT.

CA: no

AG: Yeah we'll figure this one out somenight.

AG: Mark my words, Vantas.

CA: HOLD UP A SECOND

CA: OH. YEAH GO DEAL WITH HER.

AG: Feferi? Is she the hyperactive royal8lood who was 8ugging me earlier?

CG: PROBABLY.

AG: Huh.

AG: Yeah she was all freaking in the lamest quirk ever.

AG: 8ut it looks sorta familiar.

CG: SHE's THE CONDESCENSION'S DESCENDANT.

AG: Sh8t, she's THE Princess?

CG: YEAH.

CG: ERIDAN MADE THE MISTAKE OF PISSING HER OFF, SUFFICE IT TO SAY HE GOT AN EARFUL AND WILL NEVER IGNORE HER AGAIN.

AG: Heh.

CA: okay done

CG: THAT WAS FAST.

CA: yeah whe wwas all distressed about somethin but she didnt wwanna tell me for some reason

CG: DID YOU TELL HER YOU WERE BUSY.

CA: nah

CA: not really

CG: WAS SHE ANGRY?

CA: well kinda but its no big deal

CG: DID YOU LEARN ANYTHING AT ALL FROM – OH MY FUCKING GOD I COULD NOT *IMAGINE* ANYONE A GREATER IDIOT THAN YOU.

CG: SHE'S THE FUCKING )(EIRESS!

CG: WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU EVEN WANT TO IGNORE HER IF SHE'S ANGRY?

CG: WHY THE *FUCK* DIDN'T YOU LET HER TALK TO YOU?

CA: shit you really think I shoulda kept talkin wwith her

CG: FUCK YES.

CG: DISCONNECT FROM HERE, YOU NEED TO GIVE HER YOUR FULL ATTENTION.

AG: Eridan you are a screwup.

CA: shut up vvrisk

CG: SHUT UP VRISKA.

\-- caligulasAquarium [CA] CEASED trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] and arachnidsGrip [AG] \--

AG: Good ridd8nce.

AG: So how's exile 8een treating you?

~~~~~

Your name is Feferi Peixes.

You don't really know what to do. You really don't know what to do. You're scared and angry and you want to hug somebody, anybody, nearly as much as you want to disembowel a random passerby. And honestly, you're getting rather sick of all the F-E-ELINGS your stupid goddamn ROYAL blood is filling you with. You are pretty sure the blood the empire worships is going to drive you slowly insane.

You glub – slow, hard, loud and pained – then kick away from the wall and take a deep breath, keeping your mind on the water flowing through your gills and away from your troubles. Shutting your eyes, you consider your options. You'd just declare yourself a non-contestant to the crown if all those lowbloods didn't need you to save them. You guess it wouldn't really matter, though you somehow doubt that Her Imperious Condescension would ever leave a daughter of her sign alone, and she... well she said the same thing in so many words.

Your spacious hiveblock and its massive cells seem like a prison; the walls feel like they are falling in. Everything's falling down, and there's only so much you can do to stop it. Ever since you knew of Her and what was expected from You, you have been studying the life and ways of the Condescension, garnering more and more information over the sweeps in the hope that one night, you'd be able to be the first one to defeat her and hold the Alternian throne in over ten thousand revolutions of your planet around its sun.

When you were really young, you thought you could simply ask her to be nice, and she'd just change, and everyone would be nice to each other. You haven't thought so easily in a long time. But maybe you've been still carrying some of that hope within you, because when she smiled as she turned to your face and spoke her words into your ear,you'd been crushed inside by the ancient deadliness that she was. The Condesce had been forever, and forever she was determined to stay.

There was no redeemable spark hidden within her. There was no mercy. She was so indifferently, flippantly nonchalant towards the people of her reign, caring only for those intangible concepts – power, money, nobility, fear. To those she was fixated fully on, the ubiquitous drug of Alternian Empire. She was the Empire personified, a living legend which was inseparably intertwined with the myths she cloaked herself in.

Your existence as the impossible second bearer of her sign has been leading you up to this for a long time, and there is no way you could back down now. You've said too much, done too much, and above all hoped for too much.

Some day you are going to die, even if it's two thousand millennia later. In the time between now and then, how could you live with the knowledge that whatever effort you failed to make could have counted for a better life for the trillions who have been dreaming of your arrival for generations? That even if it comes down to your death fighting the Condense in close, traditional combat, you hadn't given your all. You are going to take charge over your future. If the Condesce is Alternia Past, you are Alternia's future, and you must be distinguishable from her.

You )(AV-E to make a change. The mental facade you are built upon reality stands for a moment before shattering once again. You've read their journals, examined their short life stories, and every single one of the contesters before her, before you, have all sworn the same thing. So many children, so many people just like you; dead, all dead, and with them their life and hope.

… Crying into goggles just doesn't work.

You need to talk to somebody about all this. You can't take it in stony silence. You can't much of anything in silence. Slowly, you drift out of the respiteblock, easily quenching your stubborn tears as you float. There's no need to cry over something that won't change through tears alone. You feel like a total wriggler as you glub helplessly, not the strong empress-to-be you need and want to become.

Crying is stupid, you just need to convince your tear ducts of that.

Dejectedly, you sit yourself before the massive underwater screen you fled from what feels like hours ago. A military-red Imperial insignia fills it; you never bothered to close the chat after it finished. You briefly consider spitting on it, then just close it disgustedly and browse through your contacts. The size of the long, grey list stuns you. There's so many people who you were good friends with for a while, but haven't contacted in sweeps.

Mainly because you... just didn't really have a use for them. As soon as you couldn't ask them for help, you just sorta drifted away from them after a few nights, and you are finding that you hate yourself for doing so. Are you really that brutal? You never wanted to be like that, like her. You quickly resolve not to do that anymore.

_S_ _till_ , you think to yourself as you reach the bottom and jump back to the top of your contacts, _darkness will always be burned by t)(e lig)(t. Really, t_ _)(_ _e only way to overpower lig)(t is wit)( anot)(er lig)(t. T)(e s)(adows can only keep you safe for so long._ You sigh and click open a new chat with Eridan, despite the row you had so recently. The fact that he's the only one you can go to is kinda funny and depressing at the same time.

\-- cuttlefishCuller [CC] BEGAN priivate trolliing wiith caligulasAquarium [CA] on 2ecure channel [downwit)(t)(eCOND---ESC---E] \--

CC: -Eridan w)(ere are you rig)(t now?

Seconds pass that could have been minutes, while you berate yourself for being this needy.

CA: im at this adorable little place wwhich youd totally lovve fef its actually called 'the cuttlefish' i mean you should really come check it out some time

CA: shit I meant adorabubble

This wasn't a good idea.

CC: O)(.

CA: wwhat is it

CA: my foods about to come

CC: Well, I APOLOGIZ-E! 38(

CC: I'll talk to you LAT-ER, w)(en you are naut so busy!

CC: fuck fef wwhadda I say

CC: Not)(fin.

CC: I'll just get back to you sometime S)(-ELF.

CA: i thought you were supposed to cut DOWWN on the puns

CC: I don't give a glubbing fuck.

CA: is somethin wwrong

CC: No, I'm S)(OR-E there isn't anyfin at all upsetting me.

CC: I'm just going to go.

CA: uh okay then

CA: bye?

\-- caligulasAquarium [CA] CEASED trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC] \--

Well, you give up on that. Instead, you vouch to rub along your aching seams while drifting in the slight current formed by the heating system. You feel like giving up because you can't change anything, but you can't change anything if you give up even if nobody wants to change, but everyone wants some change but they've all given up, so you have to make it change for them, but you're giving up! Your mind keeps spinning in these circles, and honestly you aren't accomplishing anything but giving yourself a bitch of a headache.

GLUUUUUUUUUB

You resign yourself to the fact that you won't be able to talk to anybody about this, huddled shapelessly before the screen. Dark thoughts flash through your head while your fear turns to sorry, which turns to anger. You were supposed to be strong for your people, and look at what She has reduced you to. How could she do this do you? Why does she think that she can reach into you and crush that last life of hope that you have cradled carefully within your heart?

Who does she think she is that she can ruin you like this?

What right had she to destroy so much, destroy you?

Why can she do this to you – wreak you like this?

You know you can't do it. All your dreams are delusions.

You kick off the chair and swim as you think.

Why does she get to make you so afraid of her?

How can she make your want to shrivel up and die just by looking at you telling you what she's done?

Who does she think she is that everyone must bow to her – you also?

Who does she think SHE is that she could snuff out the young lives of so many before you?

WHO does she think that she is that she should even imagine doing the same to you?

WHO DOES SHE THINK THAT SHE IS THAT YOU WOULD EVER LET HER?

AND W)(O T)(E S)(----ELL DO-ES THAT FUCKING BITC)( T)(INK T)(AT YOU AR--E T)(AT YOU WOULD ------EV-----ER LET )(ER GO UNSCAT)(------------ED FOR W)(AT S)(---E HAS DON----------------E?

Oh, you are going to MAKE. HER. _FUCKING PAY_.

It takes a while before you notice somebody was trying to get a hold of you.

\-- caligulasAquarium [CA] BEGAN priivate trolliing wiith cuttlefishCuller [CC] on 2ecure channel [downwit)(t)(eCOND---ESC---E] \--

CA: eh hey fef

CA: i think that you should tell me wwhat you wwanted to tell me

CA: because wwell you seemed pretty upset about it an I think that maybe you betta let some a that steam off

Eridan? You can't say you were expecting THAT.

CC: Y----EA)(????

CA: oh uh hi

CA: so wwhat were you gonna to tel me

CC: O)(

CC: It's nautfin.

CA: wwell I think its somefin

CC: No, R-E-ELY.

CA: look fef I nevver seen you wwith your fins in such a knot theres somethin thats really botherin ya I knoww

CC: Look, you are naut my Moirail anymore.

CA: uh

CA: please dont make this awkward

CC: FIN-E, if you actually want to know.

CA: yes

CC: W----ELL, the Condescension directly contacked me.

CA: holy shit

CC: Yea)(.

CC: S)(e 'greeted' me and gave me t)(e rundown of her last bew t)(ousand sweeeps of reign and and )(ow 'motherfuckin ––EXCIT—ED' sh)(e was to )(ave a sign carrier.

CA: wwell howw that go

CC: You can guess. 38(

CA: oh

CC: She tried to s)(ark me into subfis)(ion with all her FL---E---ETS and everyt)(ing!

CA: wwell dont listen to her shes just tryin to get to you

CC: I know t)(at!

CC: But w)(y does s)(e )(ave to be so in control of everyone!

CA: wwell she is kinda the empress

CC: T)(at's exactly w)(at I'm saying!!

CC: Oooh, s)(e just makes me so ---ENRAG---ED!

CC: Do you know )(ow many people s)(e's krilled just because t)(ey were contenders for t)(e t)(rone?

CA: no

CC: Over THR-E-E HUNDRO------------------------------ED!!!

CA: damn

CC: S)(e's got --------EV---------ERYONE under )(er FIN!

CC: S)(e's got t)(e entire UNIV-ERS-----------E under )(er t)(umb and w)(at does s)(e do wit)( it?

CA: no clue ovver here fill me in

CC: S)(---------------E TORTUR-----------------------ES IT!!!!!!!!!!!!

CC: ---------Everywhere we flow, we leave not)(ing but destruction be)(ind us!

CC: S)(e takes perfectly beautiful and )(appy planets and turns t)(em into ugly COLONI----ES w)(ic)( we rip up and asandon wit)(fin a few D--ECAD---ES.

CC: And the poor poor people on t)(em are trouted like w)(ipbeasts!

CC: T)(at's all t)(at we will leave on our universe – miles and miles of barren army red!

CA: uh

CC: IT'S so INFURIATING!!!

CC: And w)(at if I even some)(ow MANAG-E to krill )(er?

CA: wwelll youd lead everyone in the empire a course

CC: But t)(ey all )(old so TIG)(TLY to t)(e old ways t)(at I won't be able to do jack s)(it!

CC: ---Even in deat)(, )(er g)(ost will keep people doing w)(at s)(e set up because t)(ey were so afraid of )(er.

CC: I'm not going to be afraid, -----Eridan.

CC: W)(en I sea )(er I'm going to swing first and w)(en s)(e's down, I'm going to tear every limb from )(er body so s)(e can F-------E-----EL T)(-E PAIN t)(at s)(e's given -EV-------ERYBODY ----------------ELS-----------------E.

CC: SLOWLY W)(IL------E I F---E---ED )(-ER INTESTIN-------ES DOWN )(ER T)(ROAT

CC: AND FLAY )(----ER IN A THOUSAND WAYS BECAUS-------------E I AM AND PAINT T)(-----E ARMY WIT)( )(---ER BLOOD .

AG: M8ps are made of epic win!!!!!!!!

AG: You can never have too many maps! ::::D

\-- caligulasAquarium [CA] BEGAN trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] and arachnidsGrip [AG] \--

AG: Maps tooooooootally rule and you should really get some.

AG: Oh look who's 8ack.

CA: kar you gotta help me shes gone totally ravin mad

CA: shes gonna kill evveryone in a fifty mile radius an the station isnt that big

CG: HOLD ON. WHAT?

CA: its fef you nookstain

CA: shes going on about howw shes gonna paint the wwalls wwith the condescensions blood an all that

CA: fuck kar shes so mad she aint evven usin fish puns

CG: WELL TRY TO CALM HER DOWN YOU.

AG: Yeah, you wouldn't want to get 8loodstains in your new cape.

CA: fuck you vvriska

CA: this is totally serious

CA: look a this

CA: CC: SLOWLY W)(IL----------E I F---E---ED )(-ER INTESTIN------------------ES DOWN )(—--ER T)(ROAT

CA: CC: AND FLAY )(----ER IN A THOUSAND WAYS BECAUS-------------E I AM AND PAINT T)(-----E ARMY WIT)( )(---ER BLOOD .

CG: OH MY GOD

CG: GET HER TO STOP OR THERE WILL BE DEAD PEOPLE

AG: Sh8t.

CA: should i fuckin shoosh pap her or wwhat

CG: I DONT KNOW BUT YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE TO DO SOMETHING

CG: YOURE HER EX YOU KNOW HER BEST.

CA: thanks kar

CA: ill try

\-- caligulasAquarium [CA] CEASED trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] and arachnidsGrip [AG] \--

\-- caligulasAquarium [CA] LEFT 2ecure channel [GONECLUBBING] –

CA: feferi stop

CC: GLUBBING SW-------------EAR THAT THE FUCKING BITC)( IS GOING TO PAY FOR T)(IS SLOWLY AND I'M

CA: sorry but I gotta do this the hard wway

CA: feferi stop

CC: GOING TO L--------ET )(-----ER BL-------------------E------------------ED

CA: feferi stop

CA: feferi stop

CA: feferi stop

CA: feferi stop

CA: feferi stop

CA: feferi stop

CA: feferi stop

CA: feferi stop

CA: feferi stop

CA: feferi stop

CA: feferi stop

CA: feferi stop

CA: feferi stop

CA: feferi stop

CA: feferi stop

CC: W)(at the )(----------------ELL, -Eridan???

CA: feferi stop

CA: feferi stop

CA: feferi stop

CA: oh

CA: fef you were going insane

CA: did you kill any attendants

CC: )(u)(?

CA: fef were you evven readin wwhat you were wwriting

CA: thats not like you

CA: youre swweet not a ragin sea subjugglator

CA: fef?

CC: O)( MY COD.

CC: I'm just like )(er!

CC: I'm so sorry.

CC: I can't B-ELIV-E myself.

CA: wwhat no

CA: i mean fuck wwere you scarin me

CA: but you arent her fef

CC: But look at w)(at I wanted to do!

CC: If I give in to wanting t)(at t)(en I'm no better t)(an actually doing t)(at!!!

CC: feferi you arent evvil

CC: -Eridan w)(at is s)(e making me become?

CA: shit fef

CA: dont be afraid a her

CC: I'm not afraid of her. I'm afraid of t)(e witc)( inside of me.

CA: you are going to make her pay but you are gonna do it not for you but for evveryone else

CA: you got that

CC: But w)(y is it that violence is my first resort?

CC: T)(at can't be the only way to fig)(t )(er?

CC: W)(y is it that peace )(as N---EV----ER gained any foothold in our culture?

CA: i dont knoww

CC: It's all wrong!

CC: I don't know w)(at I can do!

CC: ---EV--ERYT)(ING IS SO UNFAIR!!!

CC: I CAN'T DO ANYT)(ING WIT)(OUT STOOPING TO )(---ER L--EV--------------EL!!!

CC: But I SW------------EAR I WILL DO SOM-----ET)(ING.

CA: feferi you are gonna be okay

CA: should I come ovver?

CC: No. I'm going to be fine.

CA: pleeeeease?

CC: I don't want you to see me like t)(is.

CA: but fef are you sure?

CC: I said NO!

CA: shit okay

CC: I just can't believe it.

CA: W)(at am I B-ECOMING?

CC: W)(at )(as )(er imperious seabitc)( made me?

CC: W)(at could I do in a fit of anger?

CA: shit

CA: feferi look a me

CA: or at my text I guess

CA: you are wwonderful an you are no a bad person

CA: you are gonna get homicidal sometimes though because that is just wwhat wwe havve to do

CC: I'm just so TIR----ED of all t)(e )(AT--------E.

CA: you are gonna change that all some day soon

CC: ----Eridan, I am not a wriggler. )(ate is as inside me as it is you and the rest of the world.

CC: Don't tell me lies.

CC: I am the )(eiress.

CC: I am strong enoug)( to take reality and s)(ame on you for t)(inking ot)(erwise!

CC: I R---EFUS---E to live deluded.

CA: noww

CA: shit

CA: fef look

CA: youre right but still

CA: you gotta relax

CA: you arent evven using fish puns again

CC: No.

CC: I'm going to stop.

CC: If I am to take the role before me, I must be mature enoug)( to step up wit)(out s)(ame.

CA: you arent empress yet

CA: youre still young

CA: just remember that you havve supporters and can rest easy

CA: so

CA: fuck this is so awwkwward

CA: just

CA: put your hand on the screen and calm dowwn

CC: Are we really doing t)(is?

CA: shut up an do it

CC: … okay.

~~~~~

CC: You aren't still pale for me, are you?

CA: nah im ovver you

CA: are you?

CC: No.

CC: I'm not pale for you.

You're not pale for him.

But every great leader throughout all time has had a stand from which they can leap.

  


You do what you have to.


End file.
